It's Coming Together

Our birth mother letter PDF has been sent off to the adoption agency, all our paper work is finished.  With any luck, we'll be on the books for marketing and ready for the pitter patter of little feet in a week or so.  And by pitter patter I mean waiting.  But a good kind of waiting.

We've decided to lose our guest room and turn it into Sabrina's new room.  Her current room will be the nursery.  So there's some work to do with painting and redecorating, not to mention figuring out what to do with the guest room furniture.  Sabrina's room is still the neutral green color we painted it before she was born, so besides a little sprucing up it won't be too hard.  To help ease the transition, we're going to let her help paint (Lord help us) and set it up.  The last thing we'll do is have her carry the letters of her name out of her room and re-hang them over her new bed.  Hopefully that will give her some ownership.

Now to send some good vibes, a reading from the gospel of Dr. Suess, The Cat in the Hat, page 8, as told by the fish, who, we're constantly told, does not like the cat:

2nd Time Around

Well here we go again.  We've started our home study for the second adoption.  Last week we went down to the local adoption agency and had our finger prints taken for the background checks, and Monday will be our home visit from our social worker.  We have the same person as last time, a very nice lady named Windsor, who you'll remember I did compare to a short Mrs. Doubtfire, but in the nicest way possible!  Gregg spoke with her on the phone the other day and she said she'll only need one visit.  I'm hoping she walks in, finds that the baby is still alive and doesn't live in a rabbit hutch, then tells us the home study is approved and it's off to the races.  Unfortunately, the reality is that after the visit we'll still need to file references (again), get medical clearances, wait for her report to be cleared by the court, and so on.  I am hoping the final approval takes three months or less.  Last time was around four, but now that we know the ropes I'm hoping to push the envelope.  The faster we get this part done, the closer we are to moving the entire process along.  We have not contacted our actual agency, the Independent Adoption Center, just yet to let them know we want to go for another round.  We'll do that sometime next week I suppose.  We're not looking forward to the mountain of paperwork and letter packet designing that is going to entail, but it's a necessary evil.

On a side note, Sabrina's wardrobe creation notwithstanding, we'll need to pick her out a better outfit then the one she put on herself.  It's fine if this was a Cindy Lauper concert, but I think we'll go for something a little more conservative.  (Did I just say that?  Errrr...)

Lez Be Friends

200!  It's like "300" only without the sweaty gladiators with painted on abs...

Over the last few weeks I've been contacted by two lesbian couples who stumbled upon the blog while searching out information on agencies that could assist them in adopting a baby.  One couple is in Queen Creek Arizona about 15 or so miles from us, and the other is in Wisconsin.  We're actually becoming good friends with our AZ neighbors and had them over for brunch last weekend.  Unfortunately we were out of the traditional lesbian staples of Grape Nuts and pork rinds, but they seemed to enjoy Gregg's waffles and eggs anyway.

This week another blog friend, Michelle and Nick from Michelle's Path, are awaiting the birth of their soon to be adopted son, half brother to their cute little girl Kayla who they adopted in 2008.  The girls over at Baby Blueprint are finally pregnant, and some of our other blog friends are dealing with new contacts or TTC challenges.

I guess what I wanted to post today is that this blog started almost two years ago when we made the decision to begin our adoption not having any idea what to expect or anyone to turn to for advice.  We felt pretty alone, and it was scary at the beginning.

Now here we are on Those Two Daddies 200th post and we've come full circle.  We're about to finalize the adoption of a little girl who completely owns our hearts; feeling a love I never ever thought possible, love so strong just thinking about her brings a tear to my eye.  We're part of a circle of friends and families that share the bond of having children, trying to have them in a multitude of ways, or just thinking about it and deciding to make the leap.  Somehow we know what we're doing (or fake it well; half the stuff we did we made up as we went along!) and it's our turn to help others.  I'm so glad for everyone that has shared comments and posts with us and who actually read the drivel I've posted the other 199 times.  Some of you even came back after reading a post and didn't leave shaking your head over bad jokes.  Glad to know you all, and glad to be part of the circle.  You guys rock!

Does It EVER End?

Here we are now with a little girl about to turn 8 months old in a few weeks.  And we are still not finished with her adoption!  Our last step is the finalization, which is a court hearing where a judge gives his blessing, signs off on the paperwork, and makes the adoption final.  We were supposed to be in court in California around the beginning of November.  It took 3 weeks for our attorney to get us the paperwork we needed to send to court.  Throw in the Thanksgiving holiday, and now we're in December.  We mailed our forms in; now we need to wait until they come back to see when our hearing will be.  I spoke to our counselor at the IAC and he said that since California is on a budget crunch and only has family court three days a week, the chances of us getting a court date before the end of 2009 are pretty slim.  We'll still get to claim a bunch of adoption expenses on our taxes, but we won't get the full adoption credit until we file our 2010 returns.  Ugh.  Luckily we're independently wealthy and don't care.  We'll have a good laugh about it with Oprah and Bill Gates at our next Billionaire Bowling Club.

For today I'm home with a stuffy and coughy little girl.  I hate hearing her breathe like that over the baby monitor...I hope she gets better soon.  So far no fever, so that's good.  We started decorating for Christmas this weekend and we will get our tree this week so maybe that will help cheer her up.  Just like her dads, she likes twinkling lights!

Happy 6th of July!

Big Smiles!

In the Bunny Slippers

In her 4th of July dress with her friend Kaitlyn

OK I know I haven't exactly been keeping up to date with my blogging. I guess I've been a little (?) lazy. I think I'm just so absorbed in my life as a Daddy that things I had time and energy for before are getting pushed back in favor of "baby" stuff. If it wasn't for DVR, I'd never see a complete TV show. I've been reading the same chapter of a book for like two weeks now. The poor Boys are ready to stage a K9 revolt as we have only been to the park for swimming once in the last three weeks. (In my defense on that last one, it's been anywhere from 105 to 110 around here lately, and my idea of fun is not standing in the shadeless dog park for an hour watching them swim in the pond while I burn to a crisp in the sun. You can't even sit on the benches unless you tie oven mitts to your legs!)

On the other hand, Sabrina continues to be a source of love and amazement to both of us. After a few minutes of focused struggling, she is able to roll over on to her tummy now. She's starting to coo and have little conversations with objects in her immediate view. At 2 1\2 months, she has already outgrown more clothes then I own. And that smile...seems it almost never goes away! She'll wake up in the morning, see you looking at her, and out it comes. She loves to smile and is starting to slowly giggle now, and don't stick out your tongue or she'll do it right back. Of course there are tyrannical moments; she turns on a dime when she suddenly realizes--Hey, I'm hungry--bring me a bottle! But that goes without saying.

On the 4th we went to a BBQ given by a couple of dads that we met through IAC. Their baby was born about a month before Sabrina, and we like to think they'll become good friends with a somewhat common history. We had a great time, and she slept the whole way home. Nice.

Those Three Daddies

This is what you look like when you spent all morning dock diving, swimming, playing ball and Frisbee, and "chasing tail" at Cosmo Park. It's five hours later and they've barely moved. Yay exercise!

We've talked a lot, and other open adoption blogs have talked a lot, about Birth Mothers. But what about da baby daddy? Birth Fathers are part of the story too. I'll talk about our daughter to be's Birth Father here a little bit. At the moment, he is out of the picture and Lucy does not know where he is. The IAC has investigated all of the addresses she has given them, but no luck. Therefore, he will not be able to sign relinquishment papers giving up his parental rights. Even if he did respond, (in California anyway) he'd still have to meet with the IAC to sign, which is unlikely to happen. Since the agency has worked with Lucy to do their due diligence on locating him and they cannot, his rights will be terminated in court as "failure to locate". Of course we have to hire a lawyer to do this, but it has to be done. I wish it didn't; I wish he could participate in the process like Lucy, and see what the future holds for his unborn daughter. But I guess if he doesn't care enough to stick around to help her mother give birth or be a supportive parent, well, that says a lot. My gut tells me he's aware of what's happening and just doesn't want to deal with it, so no response is his method of choice. Still, wouldn't it be nice to meet the people who are going to raise your daughter as their own?

Babies Are the New Black

This morning sucked. I just got to the office, booted up my laptop and the fire alarm went off. The first thing that popped into my mind was I wonder if I have time for coffee, and if I have to burn to death why does it have to be in these shoes?

So far this week two sets of friends became dads. Our new friends Don and Chris, who we met because they are also IAC clients and live here in Phoenix, became dads to a beautiful baby girl on Monday. We are so happy for them! Her name is Kaitlyn, and she was born in California but I'm not sure which part. They are going to fill us in on how IAC supports them during this time so we are ready for ours in a few weeks. Our blog friends Mike and Michael had a boy today, their second son, little Matteo! If you hop over to their blog they posted his first ever picture. Adorable!

A note on out of state births. There is something called ICPC and it applies if your baby is born in a different state then where you live. Once relinquishment's are signed, the "birth state" has to file paperwork with your home state before the baby is able to leave. This can take from a few days up to a few weeks, it just depends. So we'll be stuck in a hotel in California with a newborn baby for who knows how long! Don and Chris will be the test case; we hope it goes fast!

Next Steps

Well I have to really say thank you to everyone for all the nice comments on my last post. It really makes me feel good to see all of you pulling for us. *Blush*.

We emailed the IAC on Monday and told them we spoke with the birthmom, I'll call her "Lucy". (One note here: I am, and will always be, eternally grateful to her for giving us a gift that will change our lives forever, so I will not give up any details of her life out of respect for her privacy...but you already knew that!) They emailed us today and told us they spoke to Lucy this morning, and she...well I'll just let them tell it:

Hi guys,
Just wanted to let you know that I talked to Lucy this morning and she confirmed that she really likes you guys and really feels like you are "the ones"! What that means is we are going to go ahead and match you guys, and from here on out you guys will primarily be working with Sarah as your counselor. She will be getting in touch with you to set up the match meeting and helping you guys through everything until the birth (and beyond, for that matter!). Of course both Lane and I are still available, but Sarah is your primary "match counselor." Please let me know if you have any questions and congratulations!
Take care, Caitlin

We still have to nail down a firm date for the birth of the baby and we're hoping we can do that this week. On a side note we met a couple from the IAC trying to adopt that live in North Phoenix. Today, as proud daddies, they took their newborn daughter home from the hospital. Congrats boys!

It's A Match!

I can't believe I'm blogging this...but I am. We are matching! I don't know how or why, but the situation closest to perfect has dropped from the sky and landed in our living room. The woman we were emailing yesterday has picked us. She actually picked us before we even spoke to her, she's that sure. I still don't want to give to many details out of respect for her, but I think I can give you a general outline of the situation. First, there are no drug, alcohol, or smoking issues at all. Second, she is mature, 29 years old, and sounds educated. Next, she had her family members involved in making her decision and they back her all the way. She has full medical coverage, and is adamant that we are going to be the fathers of her baby. She had already made an adoption plan with a family friend that fell through, and so she called the IAC. They sent her a pack of 50 letters, and she said ours caught her eye right away. Ugh how many posts did I do on that letter and the turmoil that went into it! The rewrites, the picture selections, printing it, ugh how I grew to hate that letter and everything around it...that wonderful, glorious letter that caught her eye! She said they kept grabbing other ones but still kept coming back to ours. They all talked it over and decided it was meant to be us. She said she wanted her baby to be surrounded by diversity and she could see how diverse our family was. She wanted lots of kids around and loved the pictures of our neices and nephews. She said we looked fun, and really liked our picture.

She lives in Los Angeles, a quick 4 1/2 hour drive from here, and California is the "Golden State" for gay adoptive parents. Even though we live in Arizona, they will allow us to come back in six months and finalize the adoption there, which will result in a birth certificate with mine and Gregg's names both on it! Full adoption for both of us! Arizona would only do one of us, and the other would have no more rights then a family friend.

When I told her we'd be happy to come out next week, she kind of laughed. She was like, you can do whatever you want, but you're not getting it, I'm picking you guys, it's already decided. We clicked on the phone and had a great conversation. We really felt good during and after the call.

Here's the kicker...she's due in the next four weeks or so! Ouch that is going to go fast! And it is....Drum Roll...Taa Daa...a GIRL! Thankfully the nursery is almost done. She actually apologized for not being able to give more notice!

Right now we're both on cloud nine. We've only been technically waiting three weeks, we're going to officially match with the IAC on Monday, and should have a baby by early April...all with minimal drama. This is just unreal. I'm almost embarrassed to write it. Some of you have been waiting so much longer then we have. We're not out of the woods yet though. We've already called our families, and they are happy for us.

Here's a favorite video of mine, that still makes me cry when I watch it...

OK Actually, Don't Breathe Just Yet!

OK we're back to not breathing again. Everything feels like it's all spinning around so fast right now. If you remember, yesterday we decided not to pursue what was, admittedly, a pretty bad situation. Today we've been "live" with the IAC for exactly three weeks. So we thought we'd go back to the waiting game again. Not so fast. First, we got an email from IAC with our letter stats for February. We were only live for two weeks in that month, and they sent out nine of our letters--that's a lot! In the email, Lane wrote "You guys are popular around here". Guess so.

But wait there's more. I got a call from the intake coordinator at IAC this afternoon. She was "debriefing" me about our Monday call, and how it really didn't fit us or lots of other waiting couples. As I was about to hang up she said, "No wait, we have more to talk about". We do?

Another situation has come up. Again, we are just starting this one, and I don't feel comfortable blogging the details just yet. All I can say is that someone has narrowed her choice down to three letters...one of them ours. I can't believe how fast this is going! Not that we're there yet. But she did send us an email tonight, and we wrote back. OK I'll say it, we're freaking out over here!

Wii Are Ready And Waiting...

Well as I said, we're off and running. Today our profiles were linked to IAC, and we're waiting to hear from Birth Momma. It's been about 10 hours and no one's called yet. Wonder if I should start to panic. After all, we are on the last page of families. Actually, we are the last family on the list altogether! But that's OK. Long as we're up there.

In the meantime, tomorrow is Valentine's Day, and the end of the month is Gregg's birthday (Feb. 28th). We got our tax refunds, and I got a nice bonus from work, so we've got some money in the bank for the rest of our adoption stuff. (Although, at the rate we spend money on this, it seems never ending!) We said we were going to take it easy on spending, but he's so great with helping me deal with all this and he's so loving that I broke my own rule and got him a Wii, which he's wanted for a while now. It's worth it to see the smile on his face. I just love that. Giggle.

OK--Let's Go Adopt a Baby!

Eleven months of work and patience has finally paid off. All of our references have been checked, we've gone to seminars, we completed our home study, we created, printed, and sent our letters to the IAC, passed interviews, took medical tests, talked about alcohol and drug pregnancies, talked to our parents, friends, and relatives, started blogging and met great new blog friends, read books, argued and made up, wrote checks that rival the economic stimulus package, watched Juno, learned about gay penguins raising chicks, laughed, cried, made lists of names, haunted Targets baby section, survived Paintgate, made friends with lots of great families with two daddies and two mommies, bonded with other IAC clients, built a website, decided on "Daddy" and "Papa", stressed over business cards, got a crib, elected a president who is in favor of gay adoption, fought against religious nut jobs, and explained to The Boys more the once that they're getting a human sibling, and can't have a kitten.

Whew--That's one run on sentence! Well, everything is finally done. Today the IAC cleared our file, and we are officially in the book! What does that mean? It means, fellow bloggers, that our letters are ready to be distributed to potential birth moms, we'll have our profiles up on the IAC site, and our website will be linked to theirs! Thursday we're having a conference call with our counselor Lane to discuss speaking with potential birth moms. On Friday, our website and profiles will be up on the "Choose a Family" page of the IAC's site.

Get ready Little Finster...you're close to meeting Those Two Daddies!

The Race to Friday

We're in a sprint to get everything done by Friday, so we can (finally) be in the books with our adoption agency. The hardcopy of our letter was sent over UPS and should arrive on Wednesday morning. (OK note here: I actually mailed it on Monday, but UPS wanted $65 to mail one piece of paper from Phoenix to Los Angeles overnight. Are you kidding me? I want to be a father, but I'm too cheap for that. I opted for the $16 two day deal, and that to me is way too much still. I could have done the post office for less. As a matter of fact, I need to google "cost of raising a kid". If it comes to more then $65 a week, forget it. What am I, made of money?)

We've been corresponding with Lane, and he let us know what paperwork we're missing from our file. So we've been faxing and emailing that. I had our local agency, Adoption Specialists of Arizona, fax over some final home study stuff that they should have sent over with the approval notice back in September. If all goes well, we'll be ready Friday. We'll be linked to IAC's website and they will send out our letters to prospective birth mothers (PBM's in official adoption lingo). Of course, we'll have to get 100 copies of the letter printed and mailed to the IAC, so I'm realistically thinking it will be next Friday, the 13th. Oh. That's not good is it? Well if we get a boy we'll just name him Jason...

Proud Parents of a Bouncing Baby Brochure

Oh-Kaaaayyyy...
I made the final edits to the letter...and it's been accepted! The catch? We have to print one out on cardstock and send it in for final approval. The IAC says it's just a formality; they're sure it will be accepted. Gregg spoke to Lane today, and he sounded very happy about it. He told Gregg some of the people at the IAC looked at our letter and remembered us from our visit, and feel we won't have a tremendously long wait. I take that with a grain of salt. I don't want to get my hopes up to much, or six months from now after we've had no contacts from birth mothers I'll be headed for the big depression. Anyway, we printed one out on cardstock and it looks good. Some of the printed pictures came out a little dark on the stock, so I'll lighten and reprint tomorrow, then FedEx it over to the agency. If all goes well and they like the print and they have the remaining paperwork we need to fax over, we'll be in the book and on their website by Friday...Finally! Then I won't mind the waiting so much, because we'll be Waiting For Something Important, not just another stop on the paperwork express.

Letter Update

Well we got some feedback from the agency about the letter. Luckily it's mostly formatting stuff, so maybe we can make the changes and get it back to them by next week. Shouldn't be too much longer I hope!

I have to say this is starting to get to me a bit. I won't mind waiting once we're on the market for a birth mother. But this process of even getting that far is getting on my nerves. We've been at this since February, and we're still not a marketable commodity as far as the agency is concerned. I just want to get this process finished so we'll be in the pool of prospective parents. I'm trying not to let it get to me but it's hard. This weekend Jim and Chuck are having another gay dad's meeting at their house and once again here we go with no update, no birth mother, and no kid. If Gregg reads this he's gonna be mad at me again but damn, come on already. It's like putting your favorite dessert on the table in front of you and then just staring at it for months before you're allowed to eat it. (Cue Howard Jones!) I feel like the agency, for all the money we've paid them so far, should have someone on staff to assist in graphically getting these things together for the clients. I mean, they know what they want to see, so they should have someone there to help out. I can understand the website part; let the clients create it. But how hard would it be to hire someone to assist with letters? We'd save a ton of time if that were the case.

I feel my blog is starting to take on an angry, bitter tone lately and the hopeful and excited one I started with is fading away. I don't want it to be like that; I'm sure no one wants to read a daily dose of depression. I'll come up with some happier posts I promise. Google helps; pick two words and google them, then click the first link on the list. I did republican savior. I'm cheerier already!

Getting Closer...

OK getting close...we have a great PDF of our birth mother letter that we just sent to Lane at the IAC. If you remember the text has already been approved, the pictures have been approved, now we just need it all tied together. My friend Bob at work has put it together with us, and he and I have been tweaking it over the last few weeks. I think it looks great but we'll see what Lane thinks. He gave a quick reply saying at first glance it looks good, but he'll go over it and give us feedback by the end of the week. Fingers crossed. Superstition prevents me from linking to it here. Don't worry once it's done you'll see it.

Side Note: Ripley and Chase heard the Obama girls get a puppy now that Dad has won the election. It's only fair they get a kitten once the baby's here. Umm, no. Keep trying though.

Side Note 2: Crap I forgot what Side Note 2 is. I thought "Oh this would be a good Side Note 2" as I wrote Side Note 1. Now I can't remember what it was. I could make some crap up and put it here but you'd see right through it wouldn't you? Ha.

"Typo-ver" It

OK I'm in slight panic mode...
The stupid cards again. The back side has the IAC's phone number which is
1-800-877-OPEN
"OPEN" is 6736. I put 4262, which is the last four of our toll free number! Ugh I can't believe I didn't catch that with the amount of obsessing I did over them. (None of you caught it either!) Now what to do about it? Gregg says stop worrying if they really want to talk to us they'll just call our number. I guess I could just get out a Sharpie and blot that part out. Take a moment and comment on this quickie poll:

I should:
A. Use the Sharpie and stop worrying
B. Reprint the cards
C. Print a sticky label with IAC's information and cover it up.
D. Stop being so gay and get over it; leave the cards alone.
E. Puns aren't funny and the title of this post is way out in left field.

A Couple Of Quick Hits...

I've been such a lazy blogger lately...
Here's a few thoughts not quite long enough to warrant their own posts...

• The Cards...Thanks for all the input! I'm glad you liked 'em. That was my most commented post so far. Mostly cause of Rik's stirring the pot...but hey he's going to opening night for our Phoenix Coyotes with us this Saturday so I'll cut him some slack! (Go 'Yotes!)


• The Cards? Well so much for sending them to Planned Parenthood...word is they either send them all back or just dump them. They don't want to be seen as promoting one couple over another so instead just recommend agencies. Hmmm, OK...


• The Cards! I'm sending a batch to my friend Jason in southern California. He's a social worker for the state, and may have some opportunity to get them into a birthmother's hands.


• Birth Mother Letter I know what you're thinking...Blogga Please! You've been saying you're going to get that done forever. I know, I know. I'm lazy about graphical stuff. We have the text, we have most of the pics, I'm just going to do it and send it in. I found someone at work that is good with that stuff and he's going to help me.


• Bureaucracy Ugh so exasperating! When did I post that our home study was done? First week of September. You think the local AZ agency sent it over to the IAC in California? NO. We called and they said they needed a release in writing. Hello, the IAC recommended them. They knew what we hired them for. Ugh. Hopefully they'll send it out this week.


• Oh Bama! Get this election over with!! I've been addicted to politics forever, and now I'm up to about four hours of news a night after work. Let's just get this thing over and get Barack into the White House. I think Gregg's happy cause it means he gets some alone time, but I'm sure he's tired of hearing me drone on about health plans, flag pins, and bailouts. I'm headed to Central Phoenix Saturday morning for an Obama rally maybe that will get it out of my system so I can enjoy the hockey game that night. Hell, if I hang around the rink long enough eventually I'll be qualified to become Vice President myself...

GO COYOTES! Hoooooowwwwwwlllllll....

Pick A Card, Any Card...

Here's a message I posted on the IAC's adoptive parent forums. I was looking for some input on networking ideas, and lots of people use business cards. I'm going back to Long Island for a wedding in about two weeks, and I want to have something to give to people in case they hear of a situation, or a friend of a friend type of thing. Here's my post; feel free to leave your ideas in the Comments...

I've heard a lot about handing out business cards as a networking tool. As I'll be doing some traveling, I think this is a good idea. I'm wondering what some of you did in the design of the card, with such limited space. Obviously, I'll include...

• Our website address
• Our toll free number
• Our email address
• The web address and phone number to the IAC

I'm wondering...

• Did you include first and last name(s)?
• Was there any kind of graphic?
• I'm thinking there should be a short statement that gets the point across as to what we're doing.

Any suggestions? Am I trying to put too much on the card? What do you guys think? Thanks for all the great posts so far; we hope to be on the books in the next few weeks as our home study has FINALLY been approved!

B.
_________________

Bobby "of" Bobby & Gregg
Not our site but my adoption ramblings www.thosetwodaddies.blogspot.com

California, The Golden State

Ah, California...why did we leave you?

Today I had a talk with Lane, our adoption coordinator at the IAC. Mostly we talked about what pictures to use for our birth mother letter. Out of about 50 or so, we picked out 5. Since we need around 8 to 10, we have more work to do. At least he liked one of my favorites, Gregg with Nat and Lyssy:

He also like this one with me and The Boys, which surprised me. He said birth moms like dogs, they like holiday shots, and they like cute, and this picture has all three. By cute I'm sure he means me, but he could mean those Santa outfits. They do look as we like to say "Labrador-able":

Anyway so we need to find some more. But that's not the point. I heard some very good things today. First, Lane kept telling me don't be surprised if this thing moves quickly once we're on the books. The interracial couple thing is going to work hugely in our favor. There's a black / white male couple from Tucson on the site that Lane works with, and they matched within about two months. Their birth mother lives in California. Now here's the thing: the way the homestudy will be written by our local agency, even though the court legally approved only one of us to adopt it will be clear that both of us are qualified. The IAC picked that agency for a reason. They know what that report is going to look like. Now in California, the IAC can present that home study report to a birth mother and after the baby arrives, she can sign two relinquishments, one for each of us. We'll then return to Arizona with the baby after about a week. It will be six months later that we'll have to go to court for the adoption finalization. If we go to court here in Arizona, they will make one of us the legal parent (we have already decided who that will be but we are keeping that as a private matter). However, if we go to California, a lawyer can show two relinquishments and plead to the judge that the birth mother wants us both to be parents and we have a home study that clears the two of us. He can then allow us both to adopt the child with full parental rights and put both our names on the birth certificate (once an adoption is finalized a birth certificate is issued with the adoptive parents names and the original is destroyed). The state of Arizona will have to legally recognize this adoption and we'll both be legal parents! That would be incredible!

All states must recognize legal agreements of the other states. There is only ONE legal proceding that states can ignore. ONLY ONE. What could be issued to you in one state that the others don't have to recognize? I've got a virtual lollipop to the first one of you who can tell me what it is. Trust me, it won't surprise you.