To cheer myself up, I've created a list of Must Have Items for our new baby:
(Click on the names for more info on these wonderful products!)
The Baby Mop
What a great idea! We just had laminate flooring put into the den, and I hate cleaning it. I'm thinking baby spit dribbles out the mouth and removes spots as Finster crawls along. Turn him over, use an upholstery vacuum attachment on his belly, and send him on his way again. If the floor is really dirty we'll get him hopped up on caffeine first. With two dogs that shed a lot, this is better then a Roomba.
OK on second thought this one maybe isn't such a good idea. It will only come out when Grandpa or Uncle Dennis comes over to visit. There's actually something kind of creepy about this thing, and I think teaching Finster the best way to get what he wants is to give his daddies a good kick in the ribs might be a bad idea. Strapping a saddle to a grown man's back is too kinky for a toddler if you ask me. Head over to Rik's blog for that stuff. (Note to Finster: The safe word is "Daa Daa".)
What a cute name. Saves your kid from the brain trauma the rest of us suffered while bouncing on someones shins. Still you'd look incredibly stupid using it.
I think this one requires some practice. First, I'm sure Finster will enjoy having a plastic tube shoved up it's nose. Second, get too enthusiastic about clearing his sinus passages and you'll need some fresh mint mouthwash. Plus, what happens if you sneeze while using it. I suppose Finster will end up looking like one of the Coneheads from Saturday Night Live. But nothing's too good for our baby, so I'll let Gregg use it.
We know Finster might get teased or bullied cause it has two dads, but if we cover its body with Baby Tattoos the other kids in pre-school will know our kid is a hardcore bad ass. They'll think twice about teasing Finster cause they'll know with all those tattoos they'll end up being the bitch. Teach him to carve a shiv out of a lego, he'll rule the playground.
What better way to know when Finster wakes up then to have a pair of disembodied hands scare the living shit out of it? Screams of terror can be heard all over the house, so we'll be alerted when Finster needs us. So what if it instills a fear of intimacy or watching the Addams Family, we'll be there for Finster when he shrieks.
This would be Gregg's choice. I'd rather hunt around for Cher Lullabies but oh well. I guess any baby raised by an interracial gay couple might as well be prepared for meeting Satan in the afterlife, so this will be a good introduction.Bucktooth Pacifier
Yeah, we're totally getting this. Keep us up till all hours of the night? Poopy diaper changes for years? Lugging around tons of crap wherever we go? Sure we want to do that, but damn, doesn't this help to make it a little easier? Why wait to ruin his life when he's a teenager when we can start now. Life lesson #1: Sometimes Finster, people aren't laughing with you.