Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Whole New World?

Well it's been a little while since the last entry...not sure why. Anyway, some of you have asked what's going on, and the answer is...Nothing! There is still no update from the court, so we're in a holding pattern (still). But, I guess I can't say we've been doing nothing, cause we kind of have. For a while, Gregg's been on this website called It's a site for gay couples to network and meet up with other couples for socializing (uh, no, not like Manhunt--other social activities!). I've been kind of embarrassed because the masthead on their homepage has a collage of member photos, and our pic is one of them. Anyway, he's made a few friends and they've emailed a few times. On our page it says we're adopting, so we got a message from a couple in Paradise Valley, Jim and Chuck. They have four kids, and they were having a dinner party with some friends and some other people from the gay couples site so they asked us to come. Those of you who know me won't believe me, but I'm a little shy when I'm around a lot of people I don't know so I was a little hesitant, but I'm glad we went. We had a great time. Jim and Chuck are very friendly and so are their friends. Two of the other couples that were there had kids as well. We've never been around gay families before. (I know, huh?) Really, we don't have any gay friends with kids. I never really gave much thought to that, but I guess it's strange.

Anyway, my point. I'm not sure how I expected kids with two dads to act, but I think I expected something other then what I saw, which is: nothing. Meaning, nothing I wouldn't have seen at my mother's house when all the kids are over. Kids running and playing, the boys into video games and the girls dressing the youngest girl as a princess. (She was so cute...a little girl just over a year, mixed race, whose fathers were a white guy and a black guy--just like the family we're hoping for! We talked a lot with them.) I guess to be at a party with gay men and kids is a different atmosphere to me, but one I liked. Everyone was so supportive of us and our adoption plan. One of the couples had a son who was turning 18 the following weekend, and invited us to his party as well.

That party was a real eye opener for us. There were 15-20 couples there and we were the only ones without kids. The only ones! The little buggers were running all around, the guys all talking about starting school, doctor visits, who won't eat what, just all stuff kids do. Sure it sounds like any other gathering, but that's the whole point--they're just normal families that happen to have two fathers. I found myself asking, Where did all these people come from? I had no idea there were so many gay dads in Phoenix. Well duh. They're not out at Charlies or Amsterdam on the weekends boozing it up with Junior; they're home reading stories and making dinner. They don't have a lot of visibility in the community.

The kids were all well adjusted, smart, and friendly. A few just started high school and were talking about being on the football team. (Kyler, high school kid: "You know how there's a full back and a half back on the team?" Will, adult gay male: "Um, no?"...LOL) Two 8 year olds were playing piano, and they were all jumping in the pool. We met a lot of new friends, and saw how many ways there are to create families. Some used surrogacy. Some open adoption. Some foster care and then adopted. One couple shared custody of their daughter with her two moms. On and on. None of them had any hang ups about the two dads situation. They were just families. Plus, they all meet up a lot, so the kids will always know they aren't the only ones with same sex parents. A built in support group. Not that they looked like they needed support.

We even met a couple who lives a few blocks away from us. They just dropped their son at ASU to start his freshman year, and have an 8 year old girl as well. We've made a lot of new friends, and I can't wait to get together with them again. As Jim said, "Don't worry, it will all work out fine. Remember, gay men have to go out of their way to become parents. It's not something that would be part of their world otherwise. That's one reason we cherish our kids so much". Yeah. I definitely see that. There was a lot of love in those parents eyes. *Sigh*

1 comment:

Rik Miller said...

Very cool.. but when are they going to create a support network for normal gay men, who want to meet other normal gay men., manhunt, bigmuscle, adam4adam, etc. does not cut it. Some of us would like to meet normal, working professionals who are not into the scene or the drama involved with the scene. sigggh...