Sunday, September 28, 2008
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Monday, September 22, 2008
Monday, September 15, 2008
I've heard a lot about handing out business cards as a networking tool. As I'll be doing some traveling, I think this is a good idea. I'm wondering what some of you did in the design of the card, with such limited space. Obviously, I'll include...
- Our website address
- Our toll free number
- Our email address
- The web address and phone number to the IAC
- Did you include first and last name(s)?
- Was there any kind of graphic?
- I'm thinking there should be a short statement that gets the point across as to what we're doing.
Bobby "of" Bobby & Gregg
Not our site but my adoption ramblings www.thosetwodaddies.blogspot.com
Friday, September 12, 2008
Today I had a talk with Lane, our adoption coordinator at the IAC. Mostly we talked about what pictures to use for our birth mother letter. Out of about 50 or so, we picked out 5. Since we need around 8 to 10, we have more work to do. At least he liked one of my favorites, Gregg with Nat and Lyssy:
He also like this one with me and The Boys, which surprised me. He said birth moms like dogs, they like holiday shots, and they like cute, and this picture has all three. By cute I'm sure he means me, but he could mean those Santa outfits. They do look as we like to say "Labrador-able":
Anyway so we need to find some more. But that's not the point. I heard some very good things today. First, Lane kept telling me don't be surprised if this thing moves quickly once we're on the books. The interracial couple thing is going to work hugely in our favor. There's a black / white male couple from Tucson on the site that Lane works with, and they matched within about two months. Their birth mother lives in California. Now here's the thing: the way the homestudy will be written by our local agency, even though the court legally approved only one of us to adopt it will be clear that both of us are qualified. The IAC picked that agency for a reason. They know what that report is going to look like. Now in California, the IAC can present that home study report to a birth mother and after the baby arrives, she can sign two relinquishments, one for each of us. We'll then return to Arizona with the baby after about a week. It will be six months later that we'll have to go to court for the adoption finalization. If we go to court here in Arizona, they will make one of us the legal parent (we have already decided who that will be but we are keeping that as a private matter). However, if we go to California, a lawyer can show two relinquishments and plead to the judge that the birth mother wants us both to be parents and we have a home study that clears the two of us. He can then allow us both to adopt the child with full parental rights and put both our names on the birth certificate (once an adoption is finalized a birth certificate is issued with the adoptive parents names and the original is destroyed). The state of Arizona will have to legally recognize this adoption and we'll both be legal parents! That would be incredible!
All states must recognize legal agreements of the other states. There is only ONE legal proceding that states can ignore. ONLY ONE. What could be issued to you in one state that the others don't have to recognize? I've got a virtual lollipop to the first one of you who can tell me what it is. Trust me, it won't surprise you.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Now I'm sure you may want to scream "Activist Judge!" because the will of the people has been thwarted. Well--not exactly. The will of some people. Here is why this ban was put in place in the first place, in 1977:
In the ruling, the judge noted that the statute was passed by lawmakers in 1977 amid a politically charged campaign to, as one lawmaker at the time put it, send gay people ''back into the closet.''
So, it's not to protect children. It's not to better society. It's to keep those uppity gays from insisting on their constitutional rights to be 100% American citizens. Oh those gays, always shouting and getting in your face! Sheesh. (Oh it also wins elections.) The only other state remaining to outright ban gay adoption is...wait for it...the suspense is I'm sure killing you...Mississippi! There's a shock! Here is a list of other things that are banned in Mississippi:
- Books that don't star Jesus
- Dog leashes that aren't made of 6" chain link
- High School diplomas
- Stores that don't end in "mart"
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Friday, September 5, 2008
Side Note: Maybe I'm weird, but do you ever look at a word and think, "Hmmm, what a funny word"? OK maybe not. But when I look at "FOLLOW" I think that! (I know how stupid...)
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
"Blah blah blah Congratulations your adoption home study has been approved blah blah blah"
Approved! Our homestudy is approved. A very big hurdle overcome! Gregg was of course hiding, because he knew I'd want to celebrate. I found him in the office--excuse me, the baby's room, waiting for me. I can't tell you how happy we are. Now since I've been blogging for weeks about how we need to finish our birth mother letter...well I guess we have a weekend project! Tomorrow I'll call Lane at the IAC and get some more direction on it. We will be on the books within the next few weeks. Available to be picked by a birth mother! The home study was the thing I was afraid of the most. Now that it's done, I know, I KNOW we will be daddies. But for now...
Anyway, my point. I'm not sure how I expected kids with two dads to act, but I think I expected something other then what I saw, which is: nothing. Meaning, nothing I wouldn't have seen at my mother's house when all the kids are over. Kids running and playing, the boys into video games and the girls dressing the youngest girl as a princess. (She was so cute...a little girl just over a year, mixed race, whose fathers were a white guy and a black guy--just like the family we're hoping for! We talked a lot with them.) I guess to be at a party with gay men and kids is a different atmosphere to me, but one I liked. Everyone was so supportive of us and our adoption plan. One of the couples had a son who was turning 18 the following weekend, and invited us to his party as well.
That party was a real eye opener for us. There were 15-20 couples there and we were the only ones without kids. The only ones! The little buggers were running all around, the guys all talking about starting school, doctor visits, who won't eat what, just all stuff kids do. Sure it sounds like any other gathering, but that's the whole point--they're just normal families that happen to have two fathers. I found myself asking, Where did all these people come from? I had no idea there were so many gay dads in Phoenix. Well duh. They're not out at Charlies or Amsterdam on the weekends boozing it up with Junior; they're home reading stories and making dinner. They don't have a lot of visibility in the community.
The kids were all well adjusted, smart, and friendly. A few just started high school and were talking about being on the football team. (Kyler, high school kid: "You know how there's a full back and a half back on the team?" Will, adult gay male: "Um, no?"...LOL) Two 8 year olds were playing piano, and they were all jumping in the pool. We met a lot of new friends, and saw how many ways there are to create families. Some used surrogacy. Some open adoption. Some foster care and then adopted. One couple shared custody of their daughter with her two moms. On and on. None of them had any hang ups about the two dads situation. They were just families. Plus, they all meet up a lot, so the kids will always know they aren't the only ones with same sex parents. A built in support group. Not that they looked like they needed support.
We even met a couple who lives a few blocks away from us. They just dropped their son at ASU to start his freshman year, and have an 8 year old girl as well. We've made a lot of new friends, and I can't wait to get together with them again. As Jim said, "Don't worry, it will all work out fine. Remember, gay men have to go out of their way to become parents. It's not something that would be part of their world otherwise. That's one reason we cherish our kids so much". Yeah. I definitely see that. There was a lot of love in those parents eyes. *Sigh*