Vacation Vacation

It's time to go home tomorrow...finally. I have spent the last few days running all over Long Island visiting people I haven't seen in a long time. I was really happy to see them, but jetting from one end of the Island to the other all week has tired me out. Not to mention Scott and Dawn's wedding, which was great, but admittedly I had a little too much gin. Oops. Well as Nora famously said in Auntie Mame, "She doesn't live here; she just does her drinking here, and her passing out here...". It was a great wedding; Scott looked happy, Dawn looked beautiful, and everyone was excited about Project Baby. All in all a good trip. I wish Gregg could have come with me, and I wish my grandmother was in better health, but I do miss Long Island and I'm glad I came home even if it was for just a few days.

NY State of Mind

At the airport, 6:30 AM, waiting for my flight to Long Island for my cousin Scott's wedding. It's just me, my sister Tricia, and her daughter Lily. We're leaving our husbands home and hitting the road. Gregg and I made up those cards I posted about so I'll have a bunch to pass out to people. I'm going to give some to my college room mate Dave and his wife. He's an emergency room doctor on the Island and she is a pediatrician in the city. (Note to non-NY'ers: "The City" is New York City, the greatest city in the world. To NY'ers, that's the only city we mean when we say "The City". Your city doesn't measure up. Deal with it. LOL. Gregg hates that!) I'm going to give them a bunch of cards who knows maybe we'll get some good leads. I'll take a pic of the card and post it later. For now, got to get some coffee and a bottle of water before we get on board. Sun's up now over the mountains; Arizona sure has some beautiful sunrises!

A Day at the Lake

Just a quick one...I took The Boys out on my parents boat with us this Saturday...as you can see they had a fun day! They were in the water the entire time, as usual. I swear those two are part fish.

Pick A Card, Any Card...

Here's a message I posted on the IAC's adoptive parent forums. I was looking for some input on networking ideas, and lots of people use business cards. I'm going back to Long Island for a wedding in about two weeks, and I want to have something to give to people in case they hear of a situation, or a friend of a friend type of thing. Here's my post; feel free to leave your ideas in the Comments...

I've heard a lot about handing out business cards as a networking tool. As I'll be doing some traveling, I think this is a good idea. I'm wondering what some of you did in the design of the card, with such limited space. Obviously, I'll include...

• Our website address
• Our toll free number
• Our email address
• The web address and phone number to the IAC

I'm wondering...

• Did you include first and last name(s)?
• Was there any kind of graphic?
• I'm thinking there should be a short statement that gets the point across as to what we're doing.

Any suggestions? Am I trying to put too much on the card? What do you guys think? Thanks for all the great posts so far; we hope to be on the books in the next few weeks as our home study has FINALLY been approved!

B.
_________________

Bobby "of" Bobby & Gregg
Not our site but my adoption ramblings www.thosetwodaddies.blogspot.com

California, The Golden State

Ah, California...why did we leave you?

Today I had a talk with Lane, our adoption coordinator at the IAC. Mostly we talked about what pictures to use for our birth mother letter. Out of about 50 or so, we picked out 5. Since we need around 8 to 10, we have more work to do. At least he liked one of my favorites, Gregg with Nat and Lyssy:

He also like this one with me and The Boys, which surprised me. He said birth moms like dogs, they like holiday shots, and they like cute, and this picture has all three. By cute I'm sure he means me, but he could mean those Santa outfits. They do look as we like to say "Labrador-able":

Anyway so we need to find some more. But that's not the point. I heard some very good things today. First, Lane kept telling me don't be surprised if this thing moves quickly once we're on the books. The interracial couple thing is going to work hugely in our favor. There's a black / white male couple from Tucson on the site that Lane works with, and they matched within about two months. Their birth mother lives in California. Now here's the thing: the way the homestudy will be written by our local agency, even though the court legally approved only one of us to adopt it will be clear that both of us are qualified. The IAC picked that agency for a reason. They know what that report is going to look like. Now in California, the IAC can present that home study report to a birth mother and after the baby arrives, she can sign two relinquishments, one for each of us. We'll then return to Arizona with the baby after about a week. It will be six months later that we'll have to go to court for the adoption finalization. If we go to court here in Arizona, they will make one of us the legal parent (we have already decided who that will be but we are keeping that as a private matter). However, if we go to California, a lawyer can show two relinquishments and plead to the judge that the birth mother wants us both to be parents and we have a home study that clears the two of us. He can then allow us both to adopt the child with full parental rights and put both our names on the birth certificate (once an adoption is finalized a birth certificate is issued with the adoptive parents names and the original is destroyed). The state of Arizona will have to legally recognize this adoption and we'll both be legal parents! That would be incredible!

All states must recognize legal agreements of the other states. There is only ONE legal proceding that states can ignore. ONLY ONE. What could be issued to you in one state that the others don't have to recognize? I've got a virtual lollipop to the first one of you who can tell me what it is. Trust me, it won't surprise you.

Florida Rising?

I have to give a shout out to Becky and Holly from Two Moms With A Plan, one of the blogs I follow. They are reporting that the state of Florida, which brought us such sunny disasters as the Hanging Chad, Terry Shiavo (probably spelled wrong but I doubt she'll complain), and espadrilles with business suits may have actually done something right today. The state ban on gay adoption was ruled unconstitutional in a case that centers around a gay man who has been the legal foster parent of a boy, now 13, with learning disabilities since 2001. For seven years this man and his partner nurtured and raised this boy. In court, the boy testified he wanted the man to be his "forever father--like all the other kids have--because I love him". Social workers submitted a home study highly recommending the adoption be approved; there was no better home and no better parents then he already had.

Now I'm sure you may want to scream "Activist Judge!" because the will of the people has been thwarted. Well--not exactly. The will of some people. Here is why this ban was put in place in the first place, in 1977:

In the ruling, the judge noted that the statute was passed by lawmakers in 1977 amid a politically charged campaign to, as one lawmaker at the time put it, send gay people ''back into the closet.''

So, it's not to protect children. It's not to better society. It's to keep those uppity gays from insisting on their constitutional rights to be 100% American citizens. Oh those gays, always shouting and getting in your face! Sheesh. (Oh it also wins elections.) The only other state remaining to outright ban gay adoption is...wait for it...the suspense is I'm sure killing you...Mississippi! There's a shock! Here is a list of other things that are banned in Mississippi:

• Dentistry
• Soap
• Science
• Books that don't star Jesus
• Dog leashes that aren't made of 6" chain link
• High School diplomas
• Stores that don't end in "mart"
• Dancing

Crib Notes

Well we now own a crib and a changing table, thanks to my sister Tricia. She doesn't need it now that her youngest, Zachary has a "big boy bed". Gregg spent a lot of time cleaning out the garage this weekend, and we took two loads of stuff to the Goodwill store on Sunday. That makes room to store the crib. We don't plan on leaving it in storage though. We're going to seriously start transforming the office into the baby's room, and once we get the floor converted to laminate and the walls painted we plan on setting it up in there. We'll stick with some bare bones decorations for right now since we don't know the sex of the baby as I described in this post. Some people at our agency said that's a bad idea because an empty crib is a constant reminder that you don't have a baby, but we disagree. We tend to look at it more of a concrete sign that we will have a baby, and for a couple of guys that just a few years ago never thought that was possible, that's encouraging!

Follow Me!

I just added the new "Follower" feature to Those Two Daddies. If you like the blog sign up! What a great way to meet people.

Side Note: Maybe I'm weird, but do you ever look at a word and think, "Hmmm, what a funny word"? OK maybe not. But when I look at "FOLLOW" I think that! (I know how stupid...)

One GIANT Step Closer!

Today was a very important day for us! Earlier today while I wrote my first blog entry, there was no way I could have known that there was an envelope waiting at home in the mailbox. A letter from the Maricopa County Court. Gregg got home first and got the mail. He has to I can never remember which box is ours. (Well I never get it.) Gregg likes to pretend big things aren't a big deal at all. So he opened it and just put it on the fridge. When I got home I went to put our Powerball ticket on the fridge and saw the letter. The letter that said,

"Blah blah blah Congratulations your adoption home study has been approved blah blah blah"

Approved! Our homestudy is approved. A very big hurdle overcome! Gregg was of course hiding, because he knew I'd want to celebrate. I found him in the office--excuse me, the baby's room, waiting for me. I can't tell you how happy we are. Now since I've been blogging for weeks about how we need to finish our birth mother letter...well I guess we have a weekend project! Tomorrow I'll call Lane at the IAC and get some more direction on it. We will be on the books within the next few weeks. Available to be picked by a birth mother! The home study was the thing I was afraid of the most. Now that it's done, I know, I KNOW we will be daddies. But for now...

We're approved!

Whole New World?

Well it's been a little while since the last entry...not sure why. Anyway, some of you have asked what's going on, and the answer is...Nothing! There is still no update from the court, so we're in a holding pattern (still). But, I guess I can't say we've been doing nothing, cause we kind of have. For a while, Gregg's been on this website called http://www.meetgaycouples.com/. It's a site for gay couples to network and meet up with other couples for socializing (uh, no, not like Manhunt--other social activities!). I've been kind of embarrassed because the masthead on their homepage has a collage of member photos, and our pic is one of them. Anyway, he's made a few friends and they've emailed a few times. On our page it says we're adopting, so we got a message from a couple in Paradise Valley, Jim and Chuck. They have four kids, and they were having a dinner party with some friends and some other people from the gay couples site so they asked us to come. Those of you who know me won't believe me, but I'm a little shy when I'm around a lot of people I don't know so I was a little hesitant, but I'm glad we went. We had a great time. Jim and Chuck are very friendly and so are their friends. Two of the other couples that were there had kids as well. We've never been around gay families before. (I know, huh?) Really, we don't have any gay friends with kids. I never really gave much thought to that, but I guess it's strange.

Anyway, my point. I'm not sure how I expected kids with two dads to act, but I think I expected something other then what I saw, which is: nothing. Meaning, nothing I wouldn't have seen at my mother's house when all the kids are over. Kids running and playing, the boys into video games and the girls dressing the youngest girl as a princess. (She was so cute...a little girl just over a year, mixed race, whose fathers were a white guy and a black guy--just like the family we're hoping for! We talked a lot with them.) I guess to be at a party with gay men and kids is a different atmosphere to me, but one I liked. Everyone was so supportive of us and our adoption plan. One of the couples had a son who was turning 18 the following weekend, and invited us to his party as well.

That party was a real eye opener for us. There were 15-20 couples there and we were the only ones without kids. The only ones! The little buggers were running all around, the guys all talking about starting school, doctor visits, who won't eat what, just all stuff kids do. Sure it sounds like any other gathering, but that's the whole point--they're just normal families that happen to have two fathers. I found myself asking, Where did all these people come from? I had no idea there were so many gay dads in Phoenix. Well duh. They're not out at Charlies or Amsterdam on the weekends boozing it up with Junior; they're home reading stories and making dinner. They don't have a lot of visibility in the community.

The kids were all well adjusted, smart, and friendly. A few just started high school and were talking about being on the football team. (Kyler, high school kid: "You know how there's a full back and a half back on the team?" Will, adult gay male: "Um, no?"...LOL) Two 8 year olds were playing piano, and they were all jumping in the pool. We met a lot of new friends, and saw how many ways there are to create families. Some used surrogacy. Some open adoption. Some foster care and then adopted. One couple shared custody of their daughter with her two moms. On and on. None of them had any hang ups about the two dads situation. They were just families. Plus, they all meet up a lot, so the kids will always know they aren't the only ones with same sex parents. A built in support group. Not that they looked like they needed support.

We even met a couple who lives a few blocks away from us. They just dropped their son at ASU to start his freshman year, and have an 8 year old girl as well. We've made a lot of new friends, and I can't wait to get together with them again. As Jim said, "Don't worry, it will all work out fine. Remember, gay men have to go out of their way to become parents. It's not something that would be part of their world otherwise. That's one reason we cherish our kids so much". Yeah. I definitely see that. There was a lot of love in those parents eyes. *Sigh*