Tuesday, August 4, 2009

A Note for Jeve...

To: Jeve (John and Steve)
From: Grobby (Gregg and Bobby)
re: Leather Storksak Diaper Bag

Hi Jeve
First, thanks for sharing your surrogacy story; I really enjoy your blog and look forward to your updates. I read your Diaper Bag entry today and wanted to comment on it, but my wordy self indulgence would have hijacked your comments page so I thought a post would be better.

Now being from Long Island myself, I have to say you Manhattan gays really know how to work the style thing. (I'm of course leaving out the Chelsea Boys because expensive skin tight Lycra and $100 eyelash tints make them look more like lower tier members of the Justice League, not fashion mavens of Park Avenue.) That leather bag certainly fits right in. I'm sure it's fabulous! I read with interest your description of all the neat compartments and organization features it has. Now let me tell what is going to happen to that fashion accoutrement after the little bundle of joy arrives...

The beautiful pebbled cowhide will take on a new mottled look when the baby puke on your sleeve you didn't see gets smeared across the front of the bag. It will complement the discolored patches caused by the punctured tube of Butt Cream (the baby's, not yours) at the bottom of the bag. That hot, sexy leather smell all gay boys adore will turn into the scent of perfumed powder that emanates from the packet of plastic bags used for wrapping dirty diapers in. (Think of the poop bags you use to pick up after your dog, only with twice as much fragrance.) It permeates everything within a 50 yard radius. Of course, once the O-ring on the bottom of your Ventaire bottle gets warped from heating it one time too many the 8 oz. of formula that leaks out should be contained in the freeze bag until you unwittingly open it and it spills all over your Berluti loafers. The detachable key ring is perfect for holding those little dangling tinkly things that hang from car seats that you can swear you hear in the middle of the night even though it's impossible. And the pen holders? They'll be holding GermX dispensers, not Montblancs. The rest of the bag will be filled with onsies, extra diapers, wipe holders, dirty bottles, several bottles of lotion, pacifiers, stuffed toys, teething rings, washcloths, and a few bottles of airline liquor (for you, not Junior).

I know, it's depressing. But in my vast (OK 3 1/2 months) experience of fatherhood, I've learned to give up the trappings of semi-fabulousness in exchange for utility and sensibility. In other words, "go lesbian". Sigh.

On the other hand, last night I laid on the bed next to Sabrina, both of us on our backs, as I held up the story book and read Little Kitten Finds the Moon as she stared in wonder at the sparkly pictures and listened intently to every word just to hear the sound of my voice. At the end we turned and looked at each other and when she laughed that paid for every last piece of baby equipment we ever bought.

8 comments:

2momswithaplan said...

"In other words, "go lesbian". "

LOL... Its the only way to go!

projectkjetil said...

I resemble that remark!

Seriously, though, I say go with the fabulous bag and see how it holds up. Some kids (and some parents) aren't prone to spitup and spills and can keep things looking amazingly new. Give it a whirl... can't blame a dad for trying at least!

Rhonda and Gerry W said...

I finally convinced Gerry to go with the Diaper Dudes camo bag which was 1/3 of the price and more versatile, but it took some convincing, as he was stuck on the Brangelina Storksak. It is super cute, but check out Diaper Dudes, they have some nice 'not so lesbian' bags.

P.S you guys crack me UP!

Kristin said...

This one, it made me laugh out loud THREE times...and then choke up at the end.

Your BLOG is an emotional roller coaster (and I love it that way).

Bobby said...

Rhonda--We have the diaper dude! We figured a girl brings lots of pink frills to everything...we're claiming the camo diaper bag for ourselves!

Jeve (aka John and Steve) said...

Bobby, you are too much! I guess I better use that bag as much as I can before the baby is born. Hilarious! Um...future playdate at some point?

s said...

LOL!!! hilarious post!!! and i agree- go lesbian! ;-)

mommy3 said...

I so agree with Kristin - I was with you with your humor, reading your great phrasing aloud to myself and then you made me tear up at the end. Love those baby moments.