Eat Your Heart Out Beyonce!

Cher, you've been replaced.  My iPod now sports songs by the Laurie Berkner Band.

We are big fans of Laurie Berkner.  Her music is kind of acoustic/hippie/folksy, the kind of stuff I remember from growing up on Long Island in the 70's.  It's very catchy, and Sabrina loves it too.  You may have seen some of her videos on Nick Jr.  I like that she showcases real families in her videos, and you can sometimes spot the occasional two mom or two dad parents.

More than anything else, Sabrina loves dancing to Laurie Berkner.  She reminds me of my pre-parent self, except she's dancing in her pajamas in her bedroom, not with her shirt off at 2 AM on top of a speaker to acid house remixes.  Maybe that was a little TMI...

Anyway, Sabrina's rockin' version of "Family".  Enjoy!

Look! Up in the Sky!

Another plank of the dreaded "homosexual agenda" has been leaked to the press.  As you read this post evil but fashionably attired scientists are working to create a race of genetically manipulated gay super babies.

That's right.  You see, gay parents have grown tired of anxiously waiting to find out if their kids are going to share their love of Joan Crawford film festivals and classic Prada slingbacks.  They want to take the guess work out of discovering what team little Finster will play for.  And despite our best efforts of using Madonna's Immaculate Collection album as lullabuy music and telling the kids Bert is Ernie's special friend, some of them still turn out (gasp) straight.

Now of course I'm being just a little sarcastic.  This is all science fiction, and is posted on World Nut Net Daily, where good ideas go to die.  But they are actually posing the possibility that in the future, gay couples will use genetic engineering to incorporate "gay genes" into embryos they create in the lab and dispose of the straight ones, creating children in their own gay images.  The reason for this thought exercise is say that by the time this technology becomes available in the near future, the rights of "procreative freedom" as it relates to embryo selection may be protected by the Supreme Court.  Of course we won't get rid of all the straight ones.  Who's going to explain football?  Oh right lesbians.  Hmm.

In my humble and greatly biased opinion, this stuff gets posted on conservative sites like WND to rile up the base.  This story has the double advantage of playing to the "Save the Embryos" crowd while also repeating the story that the gays are coming after the children.  The net effect is one of mock horror and certainly isn't going to put the average user of such a website in a pro gay family state of mind. 

We're parents.  We want our kids to grow up healthy, well adjusted, and happy.  What if they're gay? is last thing on most of our minds.

On the other hand, these are the same people who deny the existence of a "gay gene" and tell us it's a choice.  Can't have it both ways now, can you?  Besides, if the true "gay gene" is ever isolated, I wonder if they would suddenly be in favor of "deleting" it?

Cleaned Up in Aisle 6

Cover your children's eyes.  We're out of milk, and headed to the grocery store.

Harp's supermarket in Arkansas is fighting the good fight and protecting the children by placing a "family shield" over the latest US magazine cover at the check stands.  These shields are normally used to cover up unsavory images like giant breasts or Joan Rivers' loose neck skin so little kids don't see them.  After all, Arkansas narrowly escaped the Rapture last week as thousands of dead birds fell from the sky, so they're on high alert down there and not taking any chances.  The children must be protected.

This particular picture is a family portrait of Elton John, his partner David Furnish, and their one month old son born on Christmas day via surrogacy.  Arkansas is like America's electric typewriter...you can't bear to throw it away, but it's outdated technology that has ceased to be useful and doesn't fit modern life.  I would go out on a judgemental limb and say most people there don't (think) they know any gay people let alone children with gay parents.  And we must protect the children.

All children?  Not really.  I know the good people of Arkansas don't want to answer questions from their kids about how two men who aren't even cousins could have a baby.  That would confuse them.  But what about my kid?  Or the kids of any same sex couple?  How do they feel when they ask why the magazine is covered and they find out it's because it shows a reflection of their own families?  And if the store has to cover up a magazine with a family picture on it, what happens when an actual gay parented family walks in?  Here they are in the flesh.  How do the normal customers explain that to the kids?  I guess mom grits both of her teeth and shuffles the kids out of Harps and down to the Interstate where the meat is just as fresh but free for the taking.  Without reality and modern life staring them in the face.

Blogger Crack

One post so far in January is pretty pathetic.  I keep telling myself to write more, but then I find I don't have a topic.  I think I've realized why--Facebook.  I jot down thoughts on Facebook which sap my will to write a blog post.  Facebook is like a blogger's crack.  Sure you feel good in short quick bursts but in the end you get nothing accomplished.  Because I post one or two sentences on Facebook I miss out on posting here and keeping everyone up to date.  I post two or three times on Facebook and neglect to tell you over here how last week Sabrina fell down a well, became a local hero, and was rescued by a group of Chilean miners.  So it may be a little late, but here's a resolution to post at least twice a week.  Now if only someone cared what I had to say!  (Besides me.)

Winter Gala 2011

Well I guess it is true--blogs don't write themselves...

Today was the much anticipated Winter Gala at daycare, with performances by the Ones, Twos, Threes, Fours, and Fives.  Sabrina made her theatrical debut as a member of the Ones with a resounding rendition of "If You're Happy and You Know It".  Now admittedly the production was less Andrew Lloyd Webber and more Toddlers on the Loose, but daycare's theatre budget is probably a little below Broadway standards.  But those little kids put their hearts into it, when they were paying attention.  They really made me believe they were happy, and they knew it.  And since clapping hands is a skill Sabrina mastered over a year ago, it's a role she was born to play.  I have to say, I was hoping for something a little more along the lines of the "When you're a Jet" dance scene from West Side Story or at least a snippet of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat, but maybe that was a little above the level of the other children.  But hey, even Beyonce had to be a toddler once right?

Sabrina in full costume

Christmas Eve 2010

• Child Nestled, cue the Sugarplums...Check
• Stockings hung, with care...Check
• Husband upstairs, watching TV...Check
• Dogs asleep in front of the fireplace...Check
• Presents stuffed under tree...Checkbook
• Large glass of wine, alone downstairs, relaxing...Ahhh.

Merry Christmas to all my readers and followers!

Who You Callin' Ho?

Our daughter loves Santa Claus.  No, she LOVES Santa Claus.  At 20 months old, she can't have made the connection that Santa brings us toys and gifts.  She just likes Santa.  A LOT.  "Anta", as she calls him, has his face plastered everywhere this time of year, and kids take notice.  He's basically the toddler world's Oprah.  He listens to your sob story, then rewards the crowd with shouts of "You get some Lego's!  And you get some Lego's!" to the screaming adoration of his fans.  Whenever we see him in one of his many ubiquitous forms, be it in person or on a dessert plate, Sabrina points him out and shouts "Ho Ho Ho!". 

Arizona fills up with old people from the north this time of year, and I have to say, I've never seen his sleigh going 20 miles under the speed limit with the left blinker on for three exits causing me pain and anguish on my morning commute.  He doesn't whip out the checkbook to pay for one gallon of milk in the express lane at Safeway.  Heck he's so busy he never even has time to ramble on and on with no clear ending in sight about something he did in the '50's while he fumbles with his Miracle Ear.  He's almost the anti-snowbird.

Two weeks ago when we went to visit him at his winter castle in Superstition Springs Mall we had to wait in line for 45 minutes to get an audience.  Throngs of children played happily around the Styrofoam ice mountain while hidden cannons shot a fine spray of soapy foam "snow" high into the air.  Like real snow in American cities, it burned their eyes if they got it in them.  For many of these kids, the happy times stopped when they realized they were next to see the Fat Man.  They stood frozen, like one of his reindeer in the headlights, when it was their turn.  One by one, their parents created meal tickets for some future therapist as they wrestled them down onto Santa's lap, literally screaming with holiday cheer.  I silently dreaded that while Sabrina was pointing at the train saying "Choo Choo" now, in a minute I'd be one of them.  And I admitted to myself that after standing here for almost an hour listening to the genius 8 year old behind us ask his father over and over how it could possibly snow in Arizona (Really kid?  Really?) that no matter what, we were gonna do this thing.

Turns out there was nothing to worry about.  When I plopped her down on Santa's lap, she gave him a hearty "Ho ho!" followed by fist bumps.  Yes, I have a one and a half year old that fist bumps Santa.  She gave him a hug and a kiss, we took an incredibly overpriced picture, and off we went.  While she had a good time, little did I know this was the creation of one of Santa's super fans.

This morning as we arrived at day care I had forgotten that Santa was going to be there too.  For someone who's gonna have the world's eyes on him in little more than a week, he sure does whatever he can to get out of work.  No wonder he's so fat.  Anyway, when we walked in and saw him, the uber fan was excited.  There were two other parents and four kids in front of us, and they had no intention of sitting on his lap.  They were in deep negotiations when from her perch in my arms Sabrina waves and yells out "Hiiiiiiii!" at the top of her lungs. 
"It's not our turn yet Sweetie these kids are in front of us we have to wait."
"Hiiiiiiii" followed by dramatic (and loud) air kisses to Santa.  I almost expected her to scream "Hey remember me I sat on your lap two weeks ago at the mall".
The daycare director came over and said "Well Sabrina what are you going to tell Santa?".  This set off a loud chorus of "Ho ho ho!" which was repeated several times.  At this point, all the adults in the room are laughing and the parents in front of me said "Um, why don't you go ahead of us...".  Sabrina decided this was her cue and wriggled away from me and ran to Santa.  They had a good bout of "Ho ho"s together while shaking jingle bells.  We snapped a few free* pictures (*if you don't count the thousands of dollars a year it costs to go to daycare in the first place) and went off to class.  There was of course a loud scream of "BYE!" as we exited.  She babbled extensively until I left, no doubt about how she'd never wash this hand again or something along that line.  Ah, youth...

Daycare Santa!

"Chase"-ing the Perfect Picture

It's time to take a picture for our Christmas cards.  How hard could that be?  Round up the troops and snap away.  Except next to Sabrina, the next biggest ham in our family is our Black Lab, Chase. 

First, gather the gang...

Take One, all three of them have that "Do we really have to do this?" look.  That won't work; they look like rejects from Christmas Vacation.

Chase, already bored, decides he's finished and gets up to leave.  I don't think so.  Sabrina meanwhile, has suddenly discovered she has feet.

Chase is corralled and brought back to the fireplace.  As the camera snaps, he decides it's been 4 1/2 seconds since the last time he kissed Sabrina on the lips.  Her lips apparently taste like beef liver, because licking them is one of his favorite pastimes.  Sabrina, bonded to her loving doggie brother, will usually (Note: At this time, I dangle a shiny object off screen for those of you who are better parents than me to look at so you won't read the rest of this sentence which concludes...) open her mouth so he can clean it out like you lick frosting out of a bowl.  Don't send me letters because I know all your kids are disgusting too.  And yes, she thinks it's funny.

"OK enough shenanigans!", we shout.  Let's do this thing.  In response the next photo we get is what I'd call "Epic Holiday Photo Fail".

I'm not sure what's going on here; nearest I can tell Chase is giving Ripley the "Ha ha I got out of wearing my Santa hat by being impossible while you got stuck with the goofy collar" tongue tease.  The feet Sabrina recently discovered a few photos back are being relieved of their shoes.  Arrrrgh.  Seriously?

Finally, we take what we can live with, although I am temped to send this one to the dog lovers in our family.  Happy Holidays!



(In reading this post, I  have to say Ripley's boredom with the whole thing really irritated me because while he stayed still during the entire process, he never quite lost the "I must find some way to stop Christmas from coming" look on his face.)



It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like...Something

Well Thanksgiving has come and gone, and now we're off and running in December.  Gregg and I have, over the course of 11 childless Christmas seasons, developed our own little traditions.  As Sabrina's second Christmas approaches, we're revamping to include her.  Last year she was barely 8 months old and did what 8 month old's do at Christmas...not really much of anything.
"What's Santa bringing you?".  Blank stare.
"Look at the stocking I made you!".  Blank stare in a different direction.
"Mmm, delicious home made cookies.  Not that you can have any of course."  Burp, in a blank sort of way.
The most active participation involved gumming down some snowman print wrapping paper.

This year she already "Ho ho ho's" every time she sees a Santa, exclaims "Ooooh, liiiiiights" if even one bulb is lit somewhere, and I can tell she can't wait to have tree to climb in the living room.  So this weekend, down come the decorations from the attic.  We've sort of established, based on last year, that getting a tree is a Papa-daughter event. It works for everyone; they come back with a nice tree and I don't have to follow them around making subliminal suggestions that the one they are picking is too expensive.  (Oh look at this one, it's beautiful and doesn't have the little bald area the more expensive one you're looking at does.)  And besides, no one ever races me to the car to bring the dry craggy tree to the recycle center after New Year's.  So let them deal with getting it.

*Note:  My sister and I got a permit to go up north one year and cut one down.  I agonized over whether birds lived in it and could barely bring myself to make the first cut.  I don't think my sister would do that again.  We looked at every tree in Prescott during a snow storm until I found one untouched by bird or beast.  I think.

We're going to be watching The Grinch, Santa, and Rudolph again this year.  Last year was a (you guessed it) blank stare down, but this year I think she'll get a kick out of it.  We've been listening to Christmas music as well, and learning the old favs like Santa Claus is Coming to Town and my favorite, I Saw Daddy Kissing Santa Claus.  Well, Mommy doesn't really work for us and I still think Santa's a muscle bear who just hides it all under that ermine outfit of his.  And really, what straight guy wears ermine?  Elves indeed...

Here are some pics of our Thanksgiving weekend when Grandmama came to visit from Texas.  More about the holiday plans later!

With Grandpa and Grandmama at the Railroad Park

It's a pillow...it's a pet...it's a pillow pet!

The Girls

Thankful for cousins!

Ahh, downtime.

Some Exciting Evening

It's 8 PM; Gregg is making a pumpkin cheesecake for Thanksgiving, I'm on the couch watching the Coyotes game, and Sabrina's on the floor coloring on her giant paper pad.  The Boys are somewhere, sleeping.  We're enjoying the quiet as we wait for the arrival of Grandma-ma from San Antonio Texas.  Gregg's mother has not seen the baby since last November, so it will be exciting to have her and her husband here for a few days to visit and have Thanksgiving.  Right now, I'm just enjoying the calm before the storm.

National Adoption Day 2010

Today is National Adoption Day. 

From Wikipedia:

National Adoption Day was started in 2000 by the Alliance for Children's Rights through the generous support of the Freddie Mac Foundation, the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption and others.

In November 2000, National Adoption Day sponsors worked with law firms, state foster care agencies, child advocates, and courts to complete hundreds of foster care adoptions in nine jurisdictions nationwide. In November 2001, 17 jurisdictions participated in National Adoption Day. In 2002, Casey Family Services, Children's Action Network, the Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute and Target became National Adoption Day partners, helping 34 cities across the country finalize 1,350 adoptions and celebrate adoption.

By 2003, courts and community organizations in more than 120 jurisdictions coast-to-coast finalized the adoptions of 3,100 children and celebrated adoption. In 2004, courts and community organizations finalized the adoptions of more than 3,400 children from foster care in 200 events in 37 states.

By the end of the 2000s, National Adoption Day is celebrated across the U.S., the District of Columbia and Puerto Rico as more than 300 events are held each throughout the country to finalize the adoptions of children in foster care, and to celebrate all families who adopt. In total, more than 25,000 children have been adopted from foster care on National Adoption Day. Traditionally, National Adoption Day is celebrated the Saturday before Thanksgiving.

While primarily focused on foster care adoptions, today is a good day to help dispel some of the myths people unfamiliar with adoption in general believe to be true.

• Birth mothers regularly take children back months or years after the adoption is final.
• Adopted children are "damaged" emotionally.
• Adopted children are not the same or equal to biological children.
• Adopted children should be grateful they've been "rescued" from a bad situation.
• International is the most successful way to adopt a child.
• Adopted children will want to go live with their biological parents and grow to resent you.
• Adoption takes many many years to complete because all the good kids have already been snatched up by Angelina Jolie and Madonna.

So if you're in an adoption triad, (Child, Adoptive Parents, Birth Parents) today you are being celebrated.  Use it to spread the word about healthy adoption choices, and most of all, love your family.  Because adopted or not, well, you're pretty much stuck with them!

Adoption for Morons

The following conversation took place between me and a complete stranger at an event we attended...

Scene:  I'm coming back from the rest room with Sabrina in my arms as I had just changed her diaper.  Enter an early 30's looking pretty blond white girl.  She's wearing that dopey clueless look Sarah Palin gets when someone asks her a gotcha question like "How are you?".

Dopey Looking White Lady:  Oh I just wanted to tell you I've been watching your daughter play and she's just adorable!

Fabulous Me:  Oh, well thank you.  She's having fun.

DLWL:  So I wanted to ask, where did you get her?

Me:  (Irritated with the personal and inappropriate question from a perfect stranger.)  Well, she was born in Los Angeles, where we adopted her.

DLWL:  Oh maybe I should check out California.

Me:  I'm sorry? 

DLWL:  Well I've been trying to get myself a black baby for some time now.

Me:  (Holding back from saying something guaranteed to make her cry.)  Yeah um, well, good luck with that.

Seriously?  Asshole.

Bewitched

Happy Halloween!

We sat last year out.  This year we went door to door with Ellie, the two year old next door, on our first Trick or Treat.  Our neighbors came over and we sat in the front eating pizza, drinking beer (I mean milk), and handing out candy.  A great time was had by all. 

I'll get you my pretties...

We thought she was a witch but it turns out she was really a ham.

Papa's under her spell.

Home Again

It's been a little time between entries I know, blame it on travel and jet lag.  We went to Long Island, NY for a wedding and a baptism all in one weekend.  I grew up there and have a large family there, so we had plenty to keep us busy.  But our biggest fear, airplane shenanigans, never materialized.  That and the fact that the baby had a blast from the time we left to go to the airport at 5 AM Thursday morning until we got back to Arizona late Monday night made it a great trip all around.  I have a lot on my mind to blog about, some trip related and some not, but right now I'll leave you with a few random pictures and a recap of the plane ride.

I got lots of comments on my last entry about being nervous about flying with an 18 month old.  It turns out with Sabrina, airplane travel equals sleep.  Our trip was a four hour flight from Phoenix to Baltimore, then an hour from there to Long Island, and the same on the return.  She was asleep before we took off and stayed there for the first three hours of the trip.  An Elmo video and snacks took care of hour four.  She got the crazies out in a quiet part of the Baltimore airport and was back to sleep as we taxied to the runway, not waking until we landed.  She repeated this when we went back to Baltimore on Monday.  For all our worry about popping ears during takeoff, she slept through the first three of them.

Flying from Baltimore to Phoenix, she was up for three hours.  (Eh, you can't win 'em all!)  She slept through the fourth hour, deplaning, baggage claim, the bus ride to the car, and didn't wake up until getting strapped in the car seat.  It works out to sleeping for just over 60% of the time.  Not too shabby!

Here are some pictures from the wedding and baptism we went to, as well as the big reveal of the top secret dress.  Enjoy!

My new dress...

During the Kid's Balloon Dance

Smiling with Dada

Raise the Roof!

Partying in the Yard

Having fun with Papa

A Menace to Everything in the Air...Yes, Birds Too.

Surely you're not taking a toddler on a plane?

Well the Free Range Chicken Experiment has limited success.  Some nights it's bed and sleep, others it's don't you dare leave this room or I'll scream.  We'll get there.

This week we're going to Long Island, NY for my cousin's wedding so we'll be taking the baby on her first airplane ride.  It's four hours from Phoenix to Baltimore, and another hour from there to Long Island.  We're planning on packing lots of snacks, books, toys, and little bottles of airplane alcohol (for us, in case this whole thing goes bad).  We've been hearing the benedryl story from others who've done this with an 18 month old, so we tested it last weekend.  It didn't seem to make her sleepy, just kind of out of it.  So unless she's a real monster on the plane, I'm not sure we'll use it.  It's against my better judgement anyway.  Our flight leaves at 7 AM, so she'll be up very early.  Hopefully she'll be tired by then.  But I'm not counting on it!

She's going to have a blast.  I'll post some pictures of her in the top secret dress over the weekend.  For now, we're packing all the essentials...

I'm leaving, on a jet plane.