A Carefree Christmas

The town of Carefree, Arizona is just north east of Phoenix and about an hour from our house.  It has a very "new old West" feel to it in that it has many wild desert spaces intermingled with a small town setting.  That, and everything in the town is perfectly manicured and "set" for tourists.  It has a population that is very upper middle class and higher, and is filled with beautiful homes done in a modern adobe and southwest style.  The downtown is filled with art spaces, galleries, and craft stores that reflect the old west atmosphere that Carefree tries so hard to portray.  It's a pretty area, and at a slightly higher elevation then the Valley of the Sun it does get colder.  On some rare occasions there is snow topping the saguaro cactus and Joshua trees.  It's in Carefree that we spent this weekend relaxing before Santa arrives two weeks from now.

Two of the Dads that run the Carefree Resort sponsored an outing for our Phoenix Gay Dad's Group Saturday night.  We arrived in the afternoon to a beautiful suite and headed to an absolutely wonderful dinner in the main dining room of the resort.  Our hosts were two new dads of a five month old boy.  After the fantastic food and drinks, we hoped a shuttle to downtown Carefree for the annual Christmas parade and festival.  Due to the cold, Sabrina was attired in her cozy warm "New York" coat and mittens, her ever present blankie, and her blinking Christmas light necklace.  She loved the electric light parade, where every float and marcher was adorned with Christmas lights.  Elaborately decorated fire trucks, ponies, marching bands, and floats drove past us all lit up.  Being guests of the resort, we had front row seats.  Even the Grinch himself, America's toughest do nothing corrupt Sheriff Joe rode down the street in his gigantic monument to wasted taxpayer dollars, his tank, looking like that was the absolute last place he wanted to be.  (Until then I'd never heard booing at a Christmas parade, but...)  Based on the scowl on his face, I imagined the stick up his ass was candy cane striped.  But I digress...

Sabrina started the day at swimming school.  Arriving at the resort, we took a quick hike of the grounds.  The dinner had kids swarming all over and they laughed and played for two hours at least.  So that's why it was possible for her to fall asleep three quarters of the way through fire trucks and marching bands.  She waved at every single one, and as I watched the waving get slower and slower, I knew she'd never make it to the end.  Not to mention the after parade schedule was bouncy houses, playing in 25 tons of imported snow, and fire works with Santa.  Nope, at parade conclusion, we boarded the shuttle back to the resort.  Just as well cause I was freezing my cute little patootie off!

Turns out that was OK, because she awoke in our room just in time for Gregg to hear the fireworks starting.  Out on the balcony, we had the best view ever of the show.  Sabrina loved it, and has been shouting "Boom boom fireworks, boom boom!" all day.  Since she was awake, we went back down to the lobby in time to see some of the other families arriving back at the resort.  After another hour of running and playing with the kids, getting her to sleep after just one reading of The Cat in the Hat wasn't too hard at all.

This morning we got up and had a great breakfast at the hotel, then headed back to town to see what we missed the night before.  This worked out because it was not crowded at all, and we got to play in the snow and visit all the shops after all.  We even climbed a platform and rode snow discs down the steep hill to the bottom.  Of course, most people wouldn't sit a 2 1/2 year old on a round piece of plastic and push them down a hill, but I'm not most people.  Besides she insists on doing everything herself, so...

Santa's head on a platter

The Frosty Float

I think some kids worked hard on this one

Fun, and hygienic soap bubble snowflakes

Father-daughter Olympic tryouts

Flying solo.  She was so proud of herself!

Cleaned Up in Aisle 6

Cover your children's eyes.  We're out of milk, and headed to the grocery store.

Harp's supermarket in Arkansas is fighting the good fight and protecting the children by placing a "family shield" over the latest US magazine cover at the check stands.  These shields are normally used to cover up unsavory images like giant breasts or Joan Rivers' loose neck skin so little kids don't see them.  After all, Arkansas narrowly escaped the Rapture last week as thousands of dead birds fell from the sky, so they're on high alert down there and not taking any chances.  The children must be protected.

This particular picture is a family portrait of Elton John, his partner David Furnish, and their one month old son born on Christmas day via surrogacy.  Arkansas is like America's electric typewriter...you can't bear to throw it away, but it's outdated technology that has ceased to be useful and doesn't fit modern life.  I would go out on a judgemental limb and say most people there don't (think) they know any gay people let alone children with gay parents.  And we must protect the children.

All children?  Not really.  I know the good people of Arkansas don't want to answer questions from their kids about how two men who aren't even cousins could have a baby.  That would confuse them.  But what about my kid?  Or the kids of any same sex couple?  How do they feel when they ask why the magazine is covered and they find out it's because it shows a reflection of their own families?  And if the store has to cover up a magazine with a family picture on it, what happens when an actual gay parented family walks in?  Here they are in the flesh.  How do the normal customers explain that to the kids?  I guess mom grits both of her teeth and shuffles the kids out of Harps and down to the Interstate where the meat is just as fresh but free for the taking.  Without reality and modern life staring them in the face.

Letter Update

Well we got some feedback from the agency about the letter. Luckily it's mostly formatting stuff, so maybe we can make the changes and get it back to them by next week. Shouldn't be too much longer I hope!

I have to say this is starting to get to me a bit. I won't mind waiting once we're on the market for a birth mother. But this process of even getting that far is getting on my nerves. We've been at this since February, and we're still not a marketable commodity as far as the agency is concerned. I just want to get this process finished so we'll be in the pool of prospective parents. I'm trying not to let it get to me but it's hard. This weekend Jim and Chuck are having another gay dad's meeting at their house and once again here we go with no update, no birth mother, and no kid. If Gregg reads this he's gonna be mad at me again but damn, come on already. It's like putting your favorite dessert on the table in front of you and then just staring at it for months before you're allowed to eat it. (Cue Howard Jones!) I feel like the agency, for all the money we've paid them so far, should have someone on staff to assist in graphically getting these things together for the clients. I mean, they know what they want to see, so they should have someone there to help out. I can understand the website part; let the clients create it. But how hard would it be to hire someone to assist with letters? We'd save a ton of time if that were the case.

I feel my blog is starting to take on an angry, bitter tone lately and the hopeful and excited one I started with is fading away. I don't want it to be like that; I'm sure no one wants to read a daily dose of depression. I'll come up with some happier posts I promise. Google helps; pick two words and google them, then click the first link on the list. I did republican savior. I'm cheerier already!

Organ-ized Chaos

Last weekend was another "Gay Dads" group outing. We joined some of the guys for a trip to Organ Stop Pizza in Mesa. When we pulled into the parking lot, I got some eye rolling from Gregg because it just struck me as funny that a bunch of gay guys were having a meeting at a place called "Organ Stop". Then again, I guess my sense of humor isn't always the same as everyone else's...

Organ Stop is a member of what I call the "Germ Festival Restaurants", a place which is full of kids running around all over the place like Peter Piper Pizza or the one with that rodent, Chuck E. Cheese. Their shtick is they have a giant organ that rises from the basement. (No, not that kind sillies, the musical one. Geez, you people!) Some guy plays songs and puppets dance around while the kids run all over the place climbing on tables and generally causing mild destruction. You know, good family fun. A glimpse into parenthood future. Much like the ghost of Christmas future in A Christmas Carol, it's scary and bleak. But we can suck it up once in a while to make the kid happy. *Grin*

Whole New World?

Well it's been a little while since the last entry...not sure why. Anyway, some of you have asked what's going on, and the answer is...Nothing! There is still no update from the court, so we're in a holding pattern (still). But, I guess I can't say we've been doing nothing, cause we kind of have. For a while, Gregg's been on this website called http://www.meetgaycouples.com/. It's a site for gay couples to network and meet up with other couples for socializing (uh, no, not like Manhunt--other social activities!). I've been kind of embarrassed because the masthead on their homepage has a collage of member photos, and our pic is one of them. Anyway, he's made a few friends and they've emailed a few times. On our page it says we're adopting, so we got a message from a couple in Paradise Valley, Jim and Chuck. They have four kids, and they were having a dinner party with some friends and some other people from the gay couples site so they asked us to come. Those of you who know me won't believe me, but I'm a little shy when I'm around a lot of people I don't know so I was a little hesitant, but I'm glad we went. We had a great time. Jim and Chuck are very friendly and so are their friends. Two of the other couples that were there had kids as well. We've never been around gay families before. (I know, huh?) Really, we don't have any gay friends with kids. I never really gave much thought to that, but I guess it's strange.

Anyway, my point. I'm not sure how I expected kids with two dads to act, but I think I expected something other then what I saw, which is: nothing. Meaning, nothing I wouldn't have seen at my mother's house when all the kids are over. Kids running and playing, the boys into video games and the girls dressing the youngest girl as a princess. (She was so cute...a little girl just over a year, mixed race, whose fathers were a white guy and a black guy--just like the family we're hoping for! We talked a lot with them.) I guess to be at a party with gay men and kids is a different atmosphere to me, but one I liked. Everyone was so supportive of us and our adoption plan. One of the couples had a son who was turning 18 the following weekend, and invited us to his party as well.

That party was a real eye opener for us. There were 15-20 couples there and we were the only ones without kids. The only ones! The little buggers were running all around, the guys all talking about starting school, doctor visits, who won't eat what, just all stuff kids do. Sure it sounds like any other gathering, but that's the whole point--they're just normal families that happen to have two fathers. I found myself asking, Where did all these people come from? I had no idea there were so many gay dads in Phoenix. Well duh. They're not out at Charlies or Amsterdam on the weekends boozing it up with Junior; they're home reading stories and making dinner. They don't have a lot of visibility in the community.

The kids were all well adjusted, smart, and friendly. A few just started high school and were talking about being on the football team. (Kyler, high school kid: "You know how there's a full back and a half back on the team?" Will, adult gay male: "Um, no?"...LOL) Two 8 year olds were playing piano, and they were all jumping in the pool. We met a lot of new friends, and saw how many ways there are to create families. Some used surrogacy. Some open adoption. Some foster care and then adopted. One couple shared custody of their daughter with her two moms. On and on. None of them had any hang ups about the two dads situation. They were just families. Plus, they all meet up a lot, so the kids will always know they aren't the only ones with same sex parents. A built in support group. Not that they looked like they needed support.

We even met a couple who lives a few blocks away from us. They just dropped their son at ASU to start his freshman year, and have an 8 year old girl as well. We've made a lot of new friends, and I can't wait to get together with them again. As Jim said, "Don't worry, it will all work out fine. Remember, gay men have to go out of their way to become parents. It's not something that would be part of their world otherwise. That's one reason we cherish our kids so much". Yeah. I definitely see that. There was a lot of love in those parents eyes. *Sigh*

Papa & Daddy to the Rescue

Strangely, there is a question we've been pondering that no one has asked us yet. It's one of the first things we thought of when we started Project Baby. With two dads in the house, who comes running when Finster yells "Daddy"? Yeah never thought of that did ya? At first I'm sure we'd trip over each other to see who gets there first. After a bit when you realize it probably means dirty diaper or some other disgusting situation, I guess we'd stare at each other to see who blinks first. So we needed a solution to this problem. Gregg suggested we make Finster call us Mr. Garland and Mr. Heptig. No. Daddy and Cracka? Um, no. How about All Knowing Master and Whitey? Vetoed.

We started searching around to see what other dads did to fix this. Some were Dad and Daddy. Too confusing. Some used a word from the language of their background. Der Pater and Shaka Zulu? No, too difficult. We decided on Papa and Daddy. Gregg's had a nickname of Papa to a few close friends for a long time, and well, I just like Daddy. So Papa and Daddy it is. We're trying to get The Boys to respect this, but typical Labs, they just respond to who has more food.