Back of the Future

"Daddy, why are you putting machines in our house?"
"I'm not putting machines in our house; this is the pump for your fish tank's filter and I'm cleaning it.".
"What does it do?"
"It cleans your fish tank."
"And does it protect us in case robots come?"
"Uh, yes, it cleans fish tanks and protects us from robots."
"OK great job Daddy!"

Instead of mundane tasks like cleaning fish tanks and preparing for the coming robot invasion, I should be spending this week helping my husband recover from his third back surgery in a dozen years.  The first two were related to disc herniation; this one will be for spinal stenosis.  Gregg has suffered from chronic back pain for years, and as much as he doesn't want to have this procedure done, it's really the only option left.  The surgery was originally scheduled for this past Friday, but was cancelled last minute due to blood pressure issues.  It will occur in the next two to three weeks as long as all goes well.  As much as we both wanted to get it over with, there are a few events that are happening this month Gregg really wanted to attend and now he'll get to do so. 

The first was Sabrina's "graduation" from Starfish to Seal at Swimming School.  She's really doing great there, and that makes us feel good.  As I wrote in one post a while back, Arizona has a terrible record for child drownings, and good swimming skills can be a life saver.

The second was a coming home party some friends hosting for the adoption of their second child.  She's a beautiful little girl, and we're so happy to see our friends complete their family.  Hopefully, we won't be far behind.  While Sabrina is used to swimming with us or her grandparents, this was the first time she was allowed to be in the pool by herself.  It was great to be able to sit there and watch her jump in and swim with her friend Kaitlyn, also four, and see them both put their skills to the test.  (Admission: I did take my phone out of my pocket just in case I needed to jump in.  I knew I wouldn't have to, but...)

So instead of a weekend of recovery, it was one of family and fun.  And not, thankfully, ruined by an invading army of robots.

Enjoying a robot free afternoon

Whine Cheese

Chuck E. Cheese--corporate
mascot and anti-Christ finalist

As a gay man, I'm used to seeing things taken from gay culture and going mainstream when deemed cool and nonthreatening enough to do so by straight people.  The phrase "Drama Queen" comes to mind.  Techno music used to be fun to dance to until straight people discovered it and started playing it at basketball games.  Clay Aiken.  But I'm starting to realize it works both ways.  As a parent, I'm pulled relentlessly towards the mainstream on a regular basis.  Sometimes it's cool, sometimes depressing, and sometimes horrifying.  I had such an experience last week, when invited to a parental ritual straight people have been going to for years: a child's birthday party in a pizza encrusted level of Hell known as Chuck E. Cheese.

Sabrina and I attended this event on our own; Gregg stayed home as he was not feeling well.  I found out later it was because he was invited to Chuck E. Cheese.  I'd been to Peter Piper Pizza before, where kids run around eating pizza and playing rigged games with tokens in exchange for tickets redeemable for toys that fall apart on the way home.  Moderately tolerable, I figured this couldn't be much different.  Walking in, the first thought that entered my head was "You're gonna need a bigger boat..."

Hardened pizza crusts littered the floor.  Children of all sizes were running around seemingly unsupervised, spreading multicolored snot from their fingers on every available surface.  A dull hum of ever present noise spiked by random screams and laughter filled the air.  Technically a restaurant, I didn't smell any food.  Just the scents of sweaty children and despair. The atmosphere was a combination of Walmart and a crowded Motor Vehicle Department.  Looking down, my worst fears were realized:  Sabrina was smiling from ear to ear.

In the middle of the "restaurant" was a giant plastic Habitrail suspended from the ceiling and meeting the ground with slides and climbing tubes.  "Daddy Sabrina goes on the slide," she said as she began tugging me toward it. 
"Not yet Sabrina, first we have to find Aaron and tell him Happy Birthday".
"No SLIDE!"
Here begins the first minor meltdown.  Telling her she could go on the slide after we saw Aaron fell on deaf ears.  She continued to scream for the slide until she saw the rocket ship ride.
"Rocket!  Rocket!"
I already regretted this and we hadn't even been there for three minutes yet.

We found Aaron's mother, apologized for our screaming fit (although we did blend in with the rest of the action), took our cup of tokens, and headed out into the fray.  Since the rocket ride was the most recent outrage, we headed there first.  Finally, smiles as I buckled her in, I gave a hearty "Here we go!", plunked in the token, and watched as nothing happened.  Great.  OK, I added another.  Blast Off!  Or not.  Still nothing.  I wasn't wasting another one, so I played up the virtues of the slide to keep the protest to a minimum as I unbuckled her.  As we walked to the slide she shot daggers at me while we watched some future astronaut blast off in the now working rocket ride.

Sabrina climbed up into the giant tubes with gusto.  Looking up at the maze hanging from the ceiling, I realized I could soon be squeezing my ass through it as I hunted for a screaming child lost in its recesses.  As I looked through one of the maze's few plastic window panels I saw a little girl on the other side licking it.  Mental note: See if Dr. Allen can be convinced to administer a shot for plague, or at the least, cooties.

After twenty minutes of breathing what I assumed was a mist of germ infested air inside the giant tubes and sliding down the dingy slide, it was time to sit down to eat.  The menu consisted of slabs of "pizza" and fried happy hour food that looked like it was past its sell date but still edible due to being encased in a thick shell of fry batter and oil.  I opted for what they were calling the Salad Bar.  Knowing that many kids won't eat their green vegetables, Chuck E. Cheese's ingenious solution was to serve only yellow and white vegetables, like broccoli and lettuce.  (Yes, you read that correctly.)  There were some rubbery carrot sticks you could tie into pretzel shapes, and a giant bin of crushed hard boiled eggs.  I didn't get any of those as the person in front of me covered some lettuce with heaping ladles of egg, topped off with rivers of thousand island dressing.  Too much for Rachel Ray, but not quite up to Paula Dean standards.  I decided to skip lunch.

Back at the table, Chuck E. Cheese was making his grand entrance.  This is birthday served assembly line style, as Chuck entertains six parties at a time, all crammed into the same area.  He was surrounded by teen aged workers who clearly didn't want to be there.  The only one smiling was the pre-recorded video host, who prattled on about how all children love Mr. Cheese for his cool dancing moves and mostly flea free mouse attire.  Mr. Cheese must have taken a hit of d-CON before he came out because he seemed pretty stiff, offering jerky, uncoordinated twitches they said was "dancing".  The kids ate this stuff up.  My dull headache was spreading behind my eyes.

After a middle aged man dressed in carnival attire who looked remarkably like John Wayne Gacy plopped some more ice cream down in front of us, we pretty much knew it was time to go.  Aaron opened his gifts, the kids all clapped, and Chuck went back to his lair.  Soon after, a teen aged kid with dark circles under his eyes and exhibiting jerky uncoordinated twitches came out.  I dragged Sabrina, now screaming for another rocket ride, out into the sunlight.  "Daddy, can we go see Chuck E. Cheese again?" after she calmed down.

"Maybe another time, sweetie."  Another time indeed.  I'm not sure how another visit with "Chuck E." could be more horrifying.


The original Chucky pales in comparison.

    

A Party for Birthday #2

Happy Birthday From Elmo!

We celebrated Sabrina's 2nd birthday on Saturday with a party in the park.  Elmo, by far her favorite character, dominated the scene with his cakes, balloons, and accessories.  We had some good April in Arizona weather, sunny and high 80 degree temps.  Everyone had a great time.  I'm sure you've been to a two year old's birthday, so I won't bore you with details, just pictures.  Sabrina's actual birthday is Monday, so we're playing hooky from work and daycare and headed to the railroad park, after which we have our first meeting at the adoption agency to kick off our home study for Project Baby--The Sequel.  Details on that to come.  For now, it's a party!

Personal Sized Elmo

Take That Candles!

Now You're This Many Sabrina

Elmo, You're Delicious!

Morning Surprise



Happy (?) 1st Birthday Sabrina

As a parent, you want to make your child's first birthday a memorable event.  I've heard of some over the top Happy One Year Birthday Events, complete with circus animals, magicians, and the cast of American Idol on hand to entertain the guest of honor.  This wasn't the party we planned. 

We decided to spend Saturday, the day before her birthday, at the Phoenix Zoo.  It was a little warm but still enjoyable, and she had a good time.  She was a little quieter then normal, but had fun and was her normal playful self when we got home.  We should have suspected something...

Calm before the storm

Birthday Sunday started off a little strange.  She woke up around 8 AM.  Strange, she never gets up until 9 on weekends... Well she must know today's the big day...turning one!  Downstairs to open presents.

Hmm, she seemed more into opening gifts on Christmas...  She had two big boxes to open, and with some help from the Daddies, got her gifts.  We let her play with them for a bit while we set about the final preparations for the party.  Since she got up early, we thought maybe an early nap was in order.  Perfect, since the party starts at 2 PM.  It took a little longer then normal to get her to go down but she finally drifted off to sleep.  Is it hot in here, or does she seem a little warm?  Well she's acting happy.

So here's the plan.  We reserved a ramada at Red Moutain Park.  I was going to go over around 1:15 and set up and decorate, Gregg would show up with Sabrina and most of the food at 2 when our guests started arriving.  While setting up, my phone rang.  It was Gregg.  "She's screaming uncontrollably, and she's got a fever of 102.5.  I don't think we're coming.  You'll have to come get the food". 

"Well it's nice and cool over here, we can put her in her play pen, I'm sure she'll be fine once her cousins and friends get here."

"No, I can't even dress her.  She's crying so bad.  Something's wrong."

I wasn't getting it.  By this point the guests started arriving, some from the north valley, some from as far as Tucson.  OK, deep breath.  I told everyone I was leaving to go get the food and the guest of honor isn't coming.  Now I know alot of you don't know each other.  Mingle.  Luckily, the park is just down the street from our house.

When I walked in, I got it.  I have not heard her scream like that since she was a newborn.  Usually picking her up will console her, but not today.  Teeth or earache, or both, she wasn't going to the party.  OK, we can make this work...  Since Gregg's car was already loaded up, I took that one back to the park and unloaded the food.  All the guests were very understanding, but I was completely stressed out.  I knew I was when I squirted ketchup on my burger and missed, spraying it all over my white shorts instead.  Great.  Where are the napkins?  Right in my truck...the one that's back home.  Ugh.  Enter my sister.  "Bobby, we need some napkins for the kids.  Where did you put them?".  Uggnnhhh...

Somehow we got through it.  Gregg and Sabrina did show up for the last 15 minutes.  Sabrina wore a sad sack look, cried some, but her fever was gone at least.  We took her home to open her gifts, which she half heartedly played with.  She would laugh and play, then start a crying binge.  Poor girl.

I kept her home this morning, and we're headed to the doctor later.  I gave her a morning bath, and she played in the tub for a bit, but went right back to sleep after, and she never does that.

This was the first party I ever planned that did not include alcohol.  I'll never do that again!

Alone Again, Thankfully...

Well Gregg's Mom and her husband have returned to Texas, and the three of us are alone once again. Yes! I love his Mom, just like I love mine, but I think we can both do without anymore advice from all the grandmothers. When she got here Sabrina was a month old, and we were all used to our little routines. Adding one of our mothers to the mix trying to help by doing her own thing just shakes up the entire system. So I'm glad it's just us for a bit now.

We're recovered from her party, which was as I posted earlier really a lot of fun. My sister Tricia's friends who we don't even know (Do you read this blog? If so drop a note!) got us these embroidered burp cloths that are really beautiful. I almost hate to let her spit up on them, but it's either the fancy cloths or my favorite six year old Abercrombie T-shirt. And for a gay man that's an easy decision.

We're still doing good in the sleep department; she goes down at about 10:30 or 11 and gets up around 4:30 or 5 for a bottle. That's not bad if you ask me! I think we're kinda spoiled. I'm on paternity leave this week and Gregg's been going to the office, so I have her all to myself. Next week Gregg will go back to working from home and we'll play it by ear for a while. His boss is pretty good about it so far so hopefully day care is down the road a bit.

And is it just me or is Blogger a real pain the neck when it comes to adding pictures to posts? You listening Blogger people? Fix this!

A Welcome Home Party

Saturday was Sabrina's "Welcome Home" party. We had it at my cousin Charlie's house because he's got a lot more room then we do and he has a pool for the kids to play in. We had a really good time. Sabrina was great and didn't fuss at all even though she was passed around from person to person all afternoon long. She was a little trouper. The party was nice because it was a mix of family and friends and everyone had fun. Gregg's mother and her husband are staying with us this week so that's why we planned it for this weekend. Since they live in Texas they don't get to be part of the family events very often.

As for the blog, I'm sorry for the lack of updates. Between entertaining everyone who's dropping in, keeping the grandparents happy, and playing with and caring for Sabrina I haven't had a lot of free time lately. I promise the updates will be more frequent! (And yes, you did see it correctly, Sabrina's cake says 'Welcome Home Little Tax Deduction'. I said that as a JOKE, and someone put it on the cake on purpose. Someone named Gregg. LOL)

Sabrina and her grandparents