Tar Heeled

I'd like to take this opportunity to congratulate the great state of North Carolina for narrowly preventing itself from being wiped off the map in a fit of biblical justice by today voting to ban same sex marriage.  By amending their constitution to define marriage as "one man one woman" they have successfully avoided God's wrath.  Hurricane season is due to start in a few months and would have been a convenient excuse for a good Ol' Testament ass whoopin'.  “Marriage remains an essential social institution which unites men and women to provide for the reproduction of the human race and to provide mothers and fathers for children," Peter Sprigg of the Family Research Council smirked said.  Noting that children are never born to unmarried partners and without marriage they wouldn't have mothers or fathers, North Carolina voters have ensured the survival of the Human Race.

FRC Spokesmen Peter Sprigg (l) and Tony Perkins (r).

North Carolina has always followed biblical principles since being admitted to the Union in 1789 and settling into present day 1952.  Building a solid foundation using bible approved slave labor, the state is home to many historic sites such as Kitty Hawk where the Wright brothers made the first airplane flight.  They were proud of North Carolina right up until its citizens burned them as witches.  And who can forget their brave struggle for liberty and free labor in the War of Northern Aggression?

Raleigh, circa 1820.

This new amendment has far reaching effects.  By making marriage the only legal relationship qualifier in the state, it strips domestic partnerships from gay and straight couples alike.  Melissa and Libby are two moms in a domestic partnership with a 5 year old daughter.  The girl is covered under Libby's health insurance, but since she can not legally adopt her and that partnership is now void, that child may no longer be covered.  Many other families ("families" as the FRC calls them, always using scary quotes) will now be in a similar bind.  Besides the fact that current adoption laws in many states prevent a significant number of children from finding loving homes, marriage inequality ensures they are not adequately protected in numerous ways.  (I'll post about our recent failed second adoption soon.  I've been quiet about it but I'm ready now.)  But the main thing is discrimination apparently keeps Jesus happy.  As Pat Robertson rightly pointed out to the city of Orlando, uppity homosexuals mocking God by going to Disney World during Gay Pride is flirting with disaster:

"I would warn Orlando that you're right in the way of some serious hurricanes, and I don't think I'd be waving those flags in God's face if I were you, This is not a message of hate -- this is a message of redemption. But a condition like this will bring about the destruction of your nation. It'll bring about terrorist bombs; it'll bring earthquakes, tornadoes, and possibly a meteor."

Imagine a place where men prance through the streets in tights and people in outlandish costumes flaunt garish makeup.  And that's Disney before the gays even get there!  If a city can be destroyed by one day of Gay Pride, think of what would happen if the gays got married!

Notorious gay marrying dinosaurs meet their doom.

Now, sidestepping the fact that God is a single father who runs a successful publishing company (#1 best seller of all time whoot whoot!), he still makes time to get into politics.  And that's why we love America, because even though we have a constitution that never mentions marriage or gays at all, we always have the bible to fill in the gaps.  Tonight North Carolina makes us proud to live in a country where all men are created equal (wink wink) and the ancient Israelites would be happy to call home.

Dyke free since 2012!

*If I didn't write this post, I wouldn't be able to sleep tonight.  Writing is a good outlet for anger, and I'm so stinking mad right now I had to have a release.  Yeah, it's a bit snarky.  All I know is we have a little girl who deserves to be as protected by her government as the kids next door, and right now she isn't.  We may both be her legal parents, but our family falls short legally in too many other ways to make us comfortable.

Oh Gurl...

Sean Harris, Sr. Pastor of Berean Baptist Church in Fayetteville, N.C.:

"So your little son starts to act a little girlish when he is four years old and instead of squashing that like a cockroach and saying, 'Man up, son, get that dress off you and get outside and dig a ditch, because that is what boys do,' you get out the camera and you start taking pictures of Johnny acting like a female and then you upload it to YouTube and everybody laughs about it and the next thing you know, this dude, this kid is acting out childhood fantasies that should have been squashed.

Dads, the second you see your son dropping the limp wrist, you walk over there and crack that wrist. Man up. Give him a good punch. Ok? You are not going to act like that. You were made by God to be a male and you are going to be a male. And when your daughter starts acting too butch, you reign [sic] her in. And you say, 'Oh, no, sweetheart. You can play sports. Play them to the glory of God. But sometimes you are going to act like a girl and walk like a girl and talk like a girl and smell like a girl and that means you are going to be beautiful. You are going to be attractive. You are going to dress yourself up.'"

Well he has a point about one thing.  If you let your son run around in a dress as a child, there's no telling what kind of horrible future may be in store for him.


Work the runway sweetie...

 

Adoption Denial Brought to You by the Letter Tea

Arizona is the home of Tea Party 'Merican Values.  We do things right.  For example, one of the first acts our legislature took on after the tragic shooting of Gabrielle Giffords in Tucson was to make the Colt revolver the official state gun.  We also allow them in bars and at the state capitol, and as of today allow them on campus (SB1467) and inside all public areas such as sports arenas.  Luckily, everyone who has one concealed on their person is well trained...oh wait, actually we eliminated permits and training, so any 'Merican can carry them around.  Soon, a new bill will outlaw destroying guns confiscated by police.  Because melting down a gun is like gassing a puppy.  I suppose we'll put them up for adoption.*

Now anyone can adopt a gun.  Children, well not so much.  Our state senate just passed SB 1188, the "Marital Preference Law".  It now heads to the house.  This bill mandates that adoption agencies and the state give preference to married couples when adopting from the foster system.  So if you're single you go to the end of the line.  Now to our Tea Partying legislature, "single" is really code for...wait for it...gay.  Since we eliminated divorce and bestowed marital bliss and eternal happiness on our married population by outlawing gay marriage this bill will stand in the way of gay couples seeking to adopt from the state.  I know, that's a pretty big charge, saying they are secretly trying to stop same sex parenting.  So let's take a look at the mind of a Teabagger...

SB1188 was introduced and is sponsored by State Senator Linda Grey, R (big surprise there) District 10.  Now Sen. Grey's website sports a link to the Center for Arizona Policy, a "Protect the Family" group that sponsors every anti gay bill in the state.  Well they don't really "Protect" all families, certainly ours is up for dismissal.  The families of straight white Christians (really, who else lives in Arizona?) specifically.  They have a very loving website all children should visit, with topics on what the bible says about homosexuality and how gay marriage is destroying 'Merica.  They have a policy doc on this bill and all the research they cite is from a Dr. Bradford Wilcox.  Now who is he?  Obviously some expert who has done extensive and objective research...ah not quite.  Dr. Wilcox is the director of the National Marriage Project, a religious organization aimed at banning gay marriage.  He is the only person they use as a reference for their policy paper.  They completely ignore all other research on the matter, and make false claims such as:

• Social science proves children do best when raised by a married mother and father.  False.  Years of study by all reputable groups show there is no difference between children raised by gay couples versus straight couples, and marriage certainly is not the deciding factor. 
• SB1188's language ensures that all factors indicate placement with a married couple is in the child's best interests.  False.  Just because the bill says that doesn't mean it's true.  If that's the case my husband and daughter are also 3/5's of a person.
• Adoption is designed to come as close as possible to natural parenting.  OK all adoptive parents...how true is that?  Search almost any blog on my reading list and tell me how close you come to that.

Don't get me wrong, if you're straight and single I'm sure there's something wrong with you too.  After all, this state is crawling with redneck trailer owners (some without meth labs) willing to make an honest woman out of you.  All you need to do is get hitched.

Senator Grey states on her website,

I BELIEVE in equal rights, equal justice and equal opportunity for all, regardless of race, creed, sex, age or disability.

Maybe.  For now, I'm going to sabotage my neighbor's marriages by tucking in my daughter and kissing my husband good night.

*For the record, I support the rights of qualified Americans to own guns, and am a responsible gun owner myself.

Religion and Gay Families

I'm going to do something I haven't done in a long time.  No not that; one time after college was enough!  I'm going to defend religion.  Well kind of.

Today I got another urgent cry for help (and money) from the Human Rights Campaign. ( I've put down my feelings about HRC before and you can read that post here.)  Apparently, religious based schools are not happy that there are kids out there with same sex parents.  As HRC puts it in their email, right before the "Donate Money" button to help fight this injustice:

This one is beyond the pale...

Just days ago, a Boston third-grader's admission to a Catholic school was rescinded – solely because his parents are lesbians.
But here's the worst part – this is no isolated incident. Just a few months ago, a Catholic elementary school in Colorado expelled two preschoolers (that's right, preschoolers) for the same reason.

Oh the outrage!  What?!  Now children are being punished for having same sex parents?  It's not their fault.  They didn't have a choice in the matter, they were born in to a family with two daddies, just like Jesus.

Now, come on.  HRC is one of the first groups that will jump up and down in fits screaming "separation of church and state" any other time.  But in defense (gulp) of the Catholics, homosexuality is a mortal sin, one that will land you in Hell.  Right up there with using condoms and reading this blog.  I have to ask, why would gay parents enroll their kids in a school that is going to teach them that their families are wrong and shouldn't exist?  I mean, we try so hard to deflect negative energy and comments from our children, and you're going to put them in a class where they will be told their parents are sinners, going to hell, and you should not be proud of who they are and what your family represents?  Sorry, I don't get that.  The Church did these kids a favor by expelling them.  Now they can see religion for what it really is--a giant cult that aims to keep its members in line by threatening them with eternal punishment now and even after they die.  I don't understand why a gay person would want to be a member of an organization that (yes I'll say it) hates them.  It's like George Bush joining the Sierra Club or Sarah Palin running for president of Mensa.  And HRC wants to force the Church to let these kids back in? 

Ironically, on the same day I got this email, I saw a story in the Arizona Republic about a nun who has lost her post at St. Joseph's Hospital because she authorized an abortion in order to save the life of a critically ill patient.  Not only was she disciplined, but the patient was immediately excommunicated from the Church.  Because, you know, it's better for you and your unborn child to die instead of doing whatever you can to save your own life.  In my opinion, this woman's as lucky as the preschoolers above because now maybe she can live a better life free from religion.

Now, as an unbeliever I'm admittidly biased, and many of you may take issue with this post.  That's OK.  As for Sabrina, she can learn about religion when she's ready.  For me, that's after she's old enough to make rational decisions about morality, fantasy, and reality.  If after that, as an adult, she wants to join a church, I'll support her.  By locking her in the attic.

And now...your thoughts?

Adoption Bans are Coming Next

You may want to skip this one if you're easily offended it's not one of my typical posts. No really. You might want to. Skip it.

Last night, the righteous victory for Barack Obama not withstanding, equality took the back seat of the bus. Marriage bans in Florida, Arizona, and California all passed. Most disturbingly, a ban on adopting children by gays was passed in Arkansas:

Voters passed a measure banning unmarried couples living together from serving as adoptive or foster parents...The adoption and foster ban, aimed primarily at keeping gays from becoming foster or adoptive parents, received support from nearly 57 percent of voters in unofficial and incomplete returns...The foster measure's sponsor, the Arkansas Family Council, painted its proposal as a battle against a "gay agenda." The conservative group successfully pushed for an amendment banning same-sex marriage four years ago..."I think the voters realized that this was about child welfare, rather than the rights of adults," said Jerry Cox, the council's president.

My Spidey sense is tingling on this one. They've almost exhausted the marriage trick throughout the states. They need something else, especially since the right was handed such a crushing defeat last night. In order to get their voters to the polls in the next few elections, they're going to need something for motivation. This could be it. Notice how they go to the welfare of the child right away. No home study info, no social worker input. See here's the formula. First ban gay marriage. (Sorry, I should really call it what it is, Equal Marriage). Once that's done, start enacting laws that apply to married couples only. It's that easy. You can get around the gay thing entirely and never even bring it up. In the case of Arkansas open bigotry and hurtful "thinking" (for rednecks I put that in quotes) is celebrated, so they actually went out of their way to make sure the gay American citizens living there knew it was aimed at them. This is done to help demoralize them and make them realize they are abnormal and should be ashamed. See if you weren't freaks, maybe we'd protect your constitutional rights to "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness". So faggots, it's your own damn fault. What's next? Hey how about banning gays from being teachers? You know, for the welfare of the child. They're already unqualified to be Cub Scout Leaders. We could legislate gays out of the health care business because they spread germs. Maybe we should ban unmarried couples living together from having a dog because they might want to, you know, marry it.

Why is it that any group with "Family" in the name is always against leaving people alone to create and live in their own families? Who appointed them to speak for all families anyway? Oh right, religion. How could I forget.

OK you know what? I was going to stop here because this blog is about our journey to adoption but the more I think about this as I proof read what I just wrote, I can't. My stomach is knotted up and I'm sorry I've just had about enough. I'm really mad. How dare they, in the name of religion, decide who is fit to raise a child and who isn't? Excuse me, but if you live in Arkansas in some backwoods shack you don't get to decide on the "welfare of children" with your tenth grade home schooled educations. This bull shit starts with a small group of religious assholes in places like this who find a few presentable people to dress it up and push it on the rest of us. I'm sick and tired of being told "the bible said" or "god spoke to me" are valid reasons to enact law in this country. Name me one law pushed by religion that actually gives rights to people. There isn't one. They're all designed to take rights away and get us closer to bible rule. The poor are loved by Jesus right? Not by religion. Try and send some tax cuts the way of the poor so they can actually scrape out a living and the wingnuts are marching in the streets with torches screaming "Socialism!". Heal the sick? Sorry, no. That might mean we need to do stem cell research, so better to have a long painful death from cancer or some other terrible illness then actually help the people who have families get better. This is exactly why, unless it's out of respect for a family member getting married or some such, I will never set foot in any church again. I will never donate a single cent to any charity run by religion. I refuse to vote for any measure, no matter how good for society as a whole, that is crafted with a religious bent.

And they better keep their grubby hands off my children.

Reading is Fundamental (ist)

After my last little rant, I suppose this is a good place to introduce you to little Tango. And Tango Makes Three is a book that has been recommended to us through some of the adoption message boards we've been participating in online. Gregg and I both believe that reading to children from an early age helps to develop their minds and is also a great bonding tool. Neither one of us can wait to hold little Finster in our arms and read to it at night. (If you're bothered by the "it" you need to go a couple of posts back in time for the explanation!)

Tango is a great book that fits our needs in a number of ways. First, we are seeking out books about adoption that are geared towards young children. We want to make sure adoption is always presented in a positive manner and make it as natural as possible a way for families to be created. We don't want little Finster to feel unique or in any way different from other children, and we want Finster to be able to talk about and explain adoption to classmates and friends from the beginning. The worst thing would be to come home from school upset and then we have to start talking about adoption for the first time. Tango tells the story of an infertile penguin couple that "adopts" and hatches an egg from another penguin couple.

Secondly, our situation is going to be different from Finster's classmates, especially here in Mesa, because it will have two daddies. Tango works here because the penguin couple in question, Silo and Roy, happen to be two male penguins. Being basically lazy, I'll paste in the synopsis of the book below:

PreSchool-Grade 3-This tale based on a true story about a charming penguin family living in New York City's Central Park Zoo will capture the hearts of penguin lovers everywhere. Roy and Silo, two male penguins, are "a little bit different." They cuddle and share a nest like the other penguin couples, and when all the others start hatching eggs, they want to be parents, too. Determined and hopeful, they bring an egg-shaped rock back to their nest and proceed to start caring for it. They have little luck, until a watchful zookeeper decides they deserve a chance at having their own family and gives them an egg in need of nurturing. The dedicated and enthusiastic fathers do a great job of hatching their funny and adorable daughter, and the three can still be seen at the zoo today.

So I read the review, thought "Hey that's perfect!" and had Amazon.com ship it right over. It does a great job of showing how the penguin chick is a happy well adjusted bird that happens to have two fathers. Plus, these birds are still living in the Central Park Zoo in New York City. I have no idea how long penguins live, but who knows maybe we can take Finster over there to see them one day. And if they do kick the bucket with any luck they'll stuff 'em and send them over to the Museum of Natural History, New York's largest collection of dead animals, unless you include the subway (kidding, relax...).

Sounds charming and whimsical doesn't it...but wait there's more. My first story book for my future baby was actually the devil in disguise! Tango may help my child to be well adjusted and confident in it's family life, but in reality it is at the center of a firestorm of controversy. Here are a few "other" reviews of Tango, which has managed to become the most challenged library book in recent history...

"My wife unwittingly sat down to read it with the kids, halting the story midway. We later found out that our 6 year-old had already read it. We spent an hour undoing the damage and it ruined not just storytime but the whole evening. My 6 year-old readily understood that the book was wrong. In fact, he knew when he read the book that it was talking nonsense and that it wasn’t right. My daughter was unnerved to discover that same-sex couples, apparently in all species, can adopt children." (Gasp!)

Or this little gem:

"...this book has been insidiously and deceitfully placed in libraries across America to re-educate young children to accept all families as valid, whether they have two mommies, two daddies, three daddies or three mommies and two daddies. It is deceptively normal and intentionally aimed at children whose primary concern should be Legos and dolls. They push the debate on homosexuality into the kindergarten when the only debate children that age should be forced to decide is crust or no crust on their sandwiches. I am appalled that Simon and Schuster thinks my children are ready for sex. And I am angry that they chose such a backhanded method to pump someone’s agenda. They will be hearing from my articulate 9 year-old in the coming days, and my library will be hearing from me." (From here the article devolves into scripture and why Jesus hates penguins.)

Hmm, better re-read it. Nowhere did I see anything mentioned on polygamy in there. (I'm still trying to work out the logistics on that last one about three moms and two dads...) OK so here's the thing: If you don't like the message, then how about you don't read the book! (And how did they not know what it was about? Penguins are somewhere between flamingos and Ricky Martin as Earth's Gayest Animal.) We're hoping to raise our child to be "deceptively normal" and this book does a great job of just that. Besides when the mob of angry nine year olds storms the local library they'll be looking for penguins, not Finster. The icing on the cake however is that And Tango Makes Three is now the most challenged book on library shelves for two years in a row. Knowing me, I'll read it to the baby daily with a large smile on my face. Right before I move on to the second book I bought, The Family Book, which explains how all kinds of people make a family, including ones with two moms or two dads.

So if you'd like to join me in the Downfall of Western Society as we know it, you can always buy the book here.