So, What Do You Tell The Kids?

Lately I've had something nagging at the back of my brain.  As far as our family and friends are concerned, the uniqueness of Those Two Daddies has pretty much worn off.  Sabrina's 16 months old now and I think they've all adjusted to the "difference" of it.  Not that anyone really had any issues to begin with, but we've kind of just melded in to the fabric of the family.  Now, I'm sure you realize by this point that I'm not the type to keep my mouth shut when I have something to say.  But a new wrinkle has been added; that is, what do you tell your kids when they're old enough to understand and they hear the anti-gay rhetoric that's always out there?

For example.  In Iowa, there is a local douche bag politician named Jeremy Walters running for state office.  Because he's a douche bag politician of the Christian variety and has learned to use The Facebook, he posted the following message:

“The Holy Bible says if your ‘GAY’ homosexual they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them. This tells me a lot so should we kill them NO. They Need to ask God to forgive them of their sins and mean it turn away from it. They also need to know that when it says that their blood shall be upon them that tells me it is AIDS. That how I feel.”

“homosexual “GAY” is not of God!!!!!!”

Now remember, the guy is running for office.  He's trying to get people to vote for him.  Could you vote for him after reading that?  Of course not, his spelling and grammar are atrocious.  Well that and he's announced that AIDS is God's punishment for being a Gay Homosexual.  I'm not sure what a Gay Homosexual is, but I think it's a gay guy that sleeps with women.  Anyway, being a Christian, he probably thought this over and decided, all on his own with no input from anyone sane, to apologize the next day.  To wit;

I am not against people having a gay lifestyle, and the statements made on Facebook have been taken the wrong way. The statement regarding gay homosexuality was not meant to be offensive and I deeply appologize.

As far as the quote from Bible; I was replying to someone elses post. It should have been posted as a comment on their page, not my Facebook wall. I appologize for the mistake and if this statement offened anyone. Both postings have been removed and these comments do not pertain to my campaign or the Republican Party of Iowa. My passion is to listen and learn from the people so I can represent them at the statehouse. Everyone makes mistakes, please forgive me.

See?  When you read it the first time, you obviously took it the wrong way.  When he said AIDS is God's punishment and gays need to turn into normal people he meant it in the kindest way possible, not in the "Die Fag Die" way some of you took it.  He didn't say the statement was, I don't know, bigoted, idiotic, and ignorant, just that it could be construed to be slightly unsettling.  But at least the voters know that Jeremy Walters (R-Des Moines) is on good speaking terms with God (R-Heaven). 

This is just one of the more recent examples of the crap we have to listen to day in and day out.  Personally, it doesn't bother me as much as it used to.  But in a few years I'm going to have to explain imbeciles like this to my daughter.  Eventually she'll be old enough to see it for what it is, but I'm wondering, gay parents, how have you addressed this subject with your little darlings?  I'd like to hear what you have to say on the subject, or what you would say.  And straight people, please chime in as well.  Your kids may not be as inclined to notice this trash as those raised by a same sex couple may be, but they will hear it.  What are your thoughts on it as well?

In other news, Marcia Brady called, and she wants her pajamas back...

Splashing Around

In a friend's pool over the weekend...

Suck It Up

The weekend is here, and that of course means housework.  Yuck.  I guess it wouldn't be so bad without two Labs that shed like hair geysers.  I think they go next door and collect our neighbor's Lab Bronco's hair and bring that over too.  It's not as bad if I Furminate them but I've been lazy and it hasn't been done in a while.  So before any indoor cleaning, I did that first.  Now on to the inside hair.  It gets everywhere.  Floor, stairs, sofa, and especially, the dog beds.  Normally I split the downstairs in two and lock the Three Amigos (Ripley, Chase, and Sabrina) on one side while I sweep and steam mop the other.  Then switch.  As I was cleaning the back part of the room, there was a lot of laughing coming from the front half.  A quick inspection finds it's party time in Chase's bed.

Well she can't get hurt, but it's time for a snack so...oh great...she's covered in dog hair.  From her hair to her clothes to the Velcro pads of her sneakers.  Sigh.  First there's a battle (although a laughing one for a change) to get her off the bed, followed by the cleanup.  Her hair is easy enough to brush out, but her clothes are covered.  Now is when I'm faced with some parental choices:

1. 
   
   Take her upstairs and completely change her outfit, or
2. 
   
   Use the lint roller to clean her off.

Realizing Option 2 gets me back in front of my laptop faster I look for the lint roller.  Of course, I can't find it.  In the meantime, I have to keep stopping to pull her off the bed.  Now I don't want to clean her off to have her just jump back on again, so I decided I should clean the bed first, then the baby.  The hair vacuums off the bed easy enough, so now it's time to go back to searching for the...wait a minute. 

                                                        

Could I?  Gregg's not home he's still at the gym.  It will be years before she can speak enough English to rat me out.  No, who does that?  It wouldn't be right.  Still...

When vacuuming toddlers, the upholstery attachment is the way to go.  It makes them laugh when you slide it across their shirts.  Trying to roll the machine over their stomachs is not recommended and may lead to clogging the machine.  That hair zipped right off, or most of it anyway.  I can't figure out how to get it out of the Velcro on her sneakers, but that's good enough for now.  And for anything left on her, well tonight's bath night anyway.  Or is it...?

An Open Letter to Beth MacDonald of KEZ Radio

I sent this email to Beth MacDonald, morning radio personality at KEZ 99.9 radio here in Phoenix.  Oh yeah also today's my birthday.  Not that it has anything to do with anything, but just in case you want to send me gifts.  Or cake.  Or a martini.  Or a cake with a martini in it.  Mmm, martini...

Beth

As someone who has listened to your show for a long time, I wanted to thank you for the support you showed this morning when speaking about the repeal of Prop. 8 in California. Almost every other voice I heard on the radio over the past couple of days was decrying the decision and the people who fought for it with every nerve they could muster. As a personality on a morning drive show, you don’t have to wade into the political arena but I’m happy to see you are someone that has both the courage and the class to do so when it’s for the right reasons. It doesn’t matter if it’s this, Sheriff Joe’s latest antics, or anything else, sometimes people need to turn on the radio and hear someone speak from the heart once in a while instead of yelling, ranting, and raving.

I am a gay man who has been in a relationship with my partner for over 13 years. Together we have a beautiful 15 month old daughter who is the light of our lives. We pay taxes (more than our fair share because of the extra taxes on domestic partner health insurance), vote, and hang our American flag on the house on patriotic days. We are devoted to our siblings, nieces, nephews, parents, neighbors, and friends. We pay higher car insurance because we’re not married, pay higher interest on our car loans because we’re not married, and can you imagine the nightmare of filing separate tax returns when we have a child and a house to claim? We adopted our daughter from California, a state that (unlike Arizona) allows both of us to be legal parents. Try figuring that out on your taxes!

This isn’t about religion, and it isn’t about special treatment. It’s about our fair share of the American dream. I’d like to know how I’m supposed to explain to my little girl when she’s older why her parents aren’t married. Do I tell her that her family isn’t good enough? That we’re less than a family? That we’re not supposed to even be together? How will that make her feel? Civil unions don’t cut it because even with the rights that come with them just the fact that they’re not called marriage implies that our relationship isn’t good enough and less then equal to straight marriage. Hell, it’s a good thing we don’t have a boy because apparently we’re not even qualified to be Cub Scout Leaders.

I just want people to know that we’re not a faceless group of “others” trying to stir up trouble. We’re your families, your neighbors, co-workers, and classmates. We’re real people with real feelings. We struggle with bills, our busy schedules, our kids, and our jobs just like everyone else does. We’re also Americans. Thank you Beth, for reminding people of that.

I’m going to post this letter on my blog, Those Two Daddies, to let my followers know you stand with us and other Americans in the fight for equal rights and fairness for everyone.

Thank you.

Bobby

And Beth's almost immediate response...

Dear Bobby,

Just received your email as I'm heading off to bed. I will always be on your side on this issue and will continue to speak out about it. Fortunately, the vast majority of the emails I received today were in support. We'll get there!

I applaud you for the tremendous effort you have put into having a happy family. You deserve the rights afforded to all other Americans...

This country must learn from its past mistakes. We cannot let the tyranny of the majority trample on the rights of the minority.

Love,

Beth

Thanks Beth!  You rock.  Or, soft rock, as your station doesn't play much actual rock.  But well, you get the general idea.

A Good Day in America

Quotes from today's court decision overturning California's Prop. 8:

"Proposition 8 fails to advance any rational basis in singling out gay men and lesbians for denial of a marriage license. Indeed, the evidence shows Proposition 8 does nothing more than enshrine in the California Constitution the notion that opposite- sex couples are superior to same-sex couples..."

"Moral disapproval alone is an improper basis on which to deny rights to gay men and lesbians. The evidence shows conclusively that Proposition 8 enacts, without reason, a private moral view that same-sex couples are inferior to opposite-sex couples..."

"Proposition 8 is unconstitutional under both the Due Process and Equal Protection Clauses..."

"That the majority of California voters supported Proposition 8 is irrelevant, as "fundemental rights may not be submitted to a vote; they depend on the outcome of no elections..."

A Walk in the Park

It's the end of July, and since the monsoon season is in full swing, the temperature over the last few days has been hovering right around 100 degrees.  A welcome relief, since that's about 15 degrees cooler then normal.  With monsoon rain for the last few days and total cloud cover it only hit 96 here today.  A perfect day for going to the park.  We haven't been to the park in a few months because of the heat.  I don't really feel like melting the baby.  Here are some pics...

Keep on Swingin'

Slide, Slide, Slippity Slide...

Yeah so what?

Keep on Truckin'

Ugh.  I can't hardly look at these.  She's getting so big.

I Gave at the Office

I finally did something I've been saying I was going to do for years now.  No, I didn't start my own 70's style variety show, but don't worry that's still on the back burner.  I officially became an organ donor.  I think it's something that you need to resolve with yourself internally before you can actually do it.  I think for a lot of people there is an initial gut reaction to not do it.  Thinking about your own mortality is hard enough, but then thinking about body parts being removed and scattered around is well, unsettling.  Once you get past the fact that that's OK (because you're, you know, dead and all) you can think about it more rationally.  So as I was renewing my truck registration online, I clicked the link to organ donation and signed up.  I'm pretty sure most states offer this via their Motor Vehicle Departments.  And really, what better place to troll around for body parts than MVD?  If they're not picking up organs off the freeway they're at least sucking out your will to live while you wait in those damn lines.  "Now calling A-34".  Crap I'm J-51.  Just pluck out my spleen and we'll call it even.

I don't have any religious convictions that would stop me from doing it (mostly because I don't have any religious convictions to begin with) so I didn't need to wrestle with that.  I know for some people that's a consideration but after my 20's (OK and 30's) I'm sure my liver isn't going to be allowed into heaven anyway.  I just keep thinking about the people I could potentially help.  Corneal transplants can actually restore sight to blind people.  That to me is amazing.  Could you imagine living your whole life without sight, and then waking up after what I found out is outpatient surgery and suddenly being able to see?  It must be what Lindsey Lohan feels like when she gets out of rehab.  The idea that your heart can keep beating or your lungs can still take breath and keep someone else alive once you're gone is incredible. 

Now that I'm a parent, I worry about not being around for my child.  If I had a chance to receive a gift like this from someone which allowed me to live and watch my baby grow, to just be there for her, I'd be eternally grateful.  I can't think of anything greater you could give another person.  Backstage passes to Cher come close...

Oh the best part--after they remove whatever they're taking, they do reconstructive work so you look fabulous in the coffin.  I've specified they can have my organs in exchange for killer cheekbones.  Imma look fierce in that casket!

To learn more about organ donation, check it out at Donate Life.

Be A Sport

Going to Water Day at Day Care

This kid loves the water.  Bath time is a whirlwind of excitement.  It starts by Sabrina pulling the shower curtain over so she can start throwing toys into the dry tub.  I'll turn on the water and undress her down to her diaper while it fills.  When I say "OK let's take off your diaper so we can get in the bath" she takes off to her bedroom for the one time of day when it's not a fight to keep her from jumping off the changing table.  As soon as the diaper's off I put her down, hand her a clean wash cloth, and off she runs naked and screaming that high pitched little girl excitement shriek that puts a smile on your face while it decimates your eardrums.  Move too slow on the wash cloth and she'll grab whatever garment happens to be in reach and takes that with her.  You better catch her though, because whatever it is will be tossed into the tub as soon as she's within range.  A one, two, three, and she's baby lifted into the still filling tub, where she claps her hands and puts her head under the running water. 

So, I'm thinking swimming.  We signed up for classes right before her birthday, but then she got sick so we had to cancel.  I think we'll sign up again to begin in August.

This got me to thinking.  Lots of times I see kids enrolled in sports that don't really seem to be enjoying themselves.  We want her to be active and athletic, and she's got more energy then...well then I have.  She likes playing with her ball, so soccer may eventually be a good fit.  Gregg and I are more sports watchers then players.  I'm hoping by exposing her to sporting events from an early age will help her develop an interest.  Some of the sports we like to watch are:

Basketball

Hockey

Football

We did watch some World Cup Soccer while America was pretending to care about it...

And an occasional Drag Race...

So tell me...how did you decide what sports to channel your child's energy into?  At what age did you actually enroll in one?

Jump in the Pool

Well we always said we'd have a house with a pool.  Somehow that didn't work out as planned, so the $12.99 Target special will have to do for now.  Gregg got her one that's a little nicer, but since the heat has put my backyard landscaping on hold there's not really a good place to put it.  So we're on the patio making due for now.  For some reason the hottest state in the union develops houses with backyards that are not big enough to put in a real pool.  Our crack (emphasis on crack) legislature allows the builders to make the lots and the streets smaller and smaller to cram more houses in each development increasing profit margins.  Not that I'm against profits, but geez come on give us some breathing room.  Once our standout immigration law goes into effect there won't be anyone to build them anyway.  If you don't live here, you've heard all about our attempt to de-Mexican the place, but the secret is when economic times were better everyone looked the other way while they built our houses, pools, resorts, and anything else we needed.  Not sure how I got here when I just wanted to show off a cute girl in a pool, but I digress...

In other news, we received Sabrina's birth certificate in the mail today.  The last piece of the adoption puzzle is put in place.  They told us it would take ten months, but it only took four.  So it's finally over.  Not much room to breathe, because we decided we're going to start again after the holidays.  The stress was so much fun the first time, without it I guess I'd feel like a fish out of water.  Unlike the fish below...

Happy 4th From the Firecracker

Firecracker dress for a Firecracker Girl!

Three cheers for America!

With Papa getting ready for Grandpa's pool.

Summertime Livin'

Sabrina and Daddy go for a swim

Well summer is in full swing here in Arizona.  It really hadn't been too bad until the last two weeks or so, when it's been in the 105-110 range.  Still, that's not bad for the end of June.  June and July can see temps around 115 or more.  The problem is the air just heats up and hangs there and even though there's not much humidity it still feels thick with heat.  It takes some getting used to.  Except for going in the pool once in a while we pretty much stay inside.  Which kind of sucks because things we like to do such as go to the zoo or the park are off limits for the next few months until it cools down a bit.  We've been doing some walks after dinner as the sun is going down, and that's actually not bad.  Still, summer just started and I can't wait for it to be over.

A sunny girl in a sunny land

In Which I Answer Your Questions

Now we talk about my favorite subject...Me!  Here are the answers to the questions you've asked me in a post last week...

Any tips for caring for African hair? We are in the process of adopting an African baby girl and feel helpless when it comes to the African hair!  OK let me say this...this can be a difficult subject to deal with in an interracial family.  Both  mothers-in-law have added their two cents to the hair topic.  The topic of hair has been one that has caused some tension in the family, and I'm not even comfortable going into that here.  I'm by no means an expert on this subject and am still learning.  Gregg obviously has experiance, but mostly with men's hair.  Suffice it to say you need to do your research.  A good ethnic salon, or even advice from African American friends will be helpful.  We like to use products from Carol's Daughter as we've found they are very easy on her hair. 

Do you ever make it down to the much cooler Tucson?  Sometimes.  We have friends down there.  We often meet up with them and then head down to Tubac for some great shopping.  I'll let you know next time we make a trip.

In view of the coming movie, Jacob or Edward?  Neither.  I'm a bit of a vampire nerd.  As a kid I actually read Fangoria magazine.  My parents wouldn't let me send them $12 for two actual vampire fangs.  It's Fangoria if anyone has authentic vampire relics it's them!  My tween neices love Twilight which is a red flag.  Apparently it's about Mormon vegetarian vampires or something?  We have the DVD, I haven't watched it.  For me, Eric from True Blood and the vampire Lestat.

You're a gay male couple with a baby daughter.  Do people ever ask things like "What are you going to do with a girl?  Will she know any women?  Are you worried about role models?"  For some reason, men seem to worry about this more then women do.  I'm working on a variant of my "I"m more man then you'll ever be and more woman then you'll ever have" response.  But no, we're not worried.  We're gay men but we don't live in a vaccuum.  There are plenty of female role models among our friends and family.  It's funny, no one ever asks this of a single mom with a young son do they?  I haven't been approached by a stranger on this one yet, but I'd tell them it's none of their business.  And I give them such a look.

Have you found it harder or easier than you thought to be two dads?  Not as hard as I thought.  And we're in very white, very Mormon, Mesa Arizona.  We've gotten a few tisk tisk looks, but for the most part things have been great.  In fact, sometimes I think our curiosity factor makes us more popular.  And we have a great support group of other gay families we've met via blogging and the local gay dad's group.

Blue pill or red pill?  I have no idea what this means.  So my answer is if blue, Sapphire gin martini, up and dirty, and if red, a quality Malbec.

Do you, Gregg, and Sabrina ever plan to make a trip to Florida?  Not right now.  Florida is so anti gay I'm not sure I'd want to spend much money down there.  But for the Belly girls I'd make an exception! 

Why or what made you decide to start blogging?  We were excited to start our journey to adoption and didn't know anyone who'd done it before.  I also wanted to chronicle our experience for our families to follow.  I'm so glad for all the new friends I made along the way.

When are you and Gregg going to get married?  Ah the million dollar question!  Right now the answer is, we don't.  I remember back in 1997 while living in West Hollywood I came back to AZ for Thanksgiving while Gregg moved into my apartment.  When I returned, he took me in his arms and asked me to marry him.  Ah romance!  We've since decided we won't do that until it's legal and recognized in all 50 something states.  Since we don't live in a state that recognizes it, we just don't see the point.  I think it would be more depressing than anything else.

How did you decide what your child would call you?  Good question, we had to think about it a bit, but we came back to Daddy (me) and Papa (Gregg).  Papa was kind of a nickname Gregg's friends called him back in the day, and well I just wanted Daddy.  I've heard of some couples who used the traditional names from their ethinc backgrounds and that's sort of interesting too.  There are lots of variations, but you just have to go with what works for you.  The names don't matter as much as the love anyway, right?

If you could only watch one TV show for the rest of your life what would it be? Same question, but what book? And again, but what movie?  Tough one.  I'll say TV is Dexter, book is Dracula, and movie is a tie between Jaws, Sunset Blvd, Casablanca, and The Godfather.

Are you on Facebook?  Yes.  LOL does that answer it?

Will you adopt again?  I was hoping no one would ask that!  If you asked Gregg you'd get an emphatic yes, while I say probably.  This wouldn't start until next year, finances willing.

Did you proceed open adoption or do you know the mother of your daughter?  Yes, our adoption is completely open and we have a relationship with her birth mother.  Lately I think she's backing off a little, but that's her choice.  You can read about our reunion in March here.

Thanks for the questions, this was fun.  Now I'm off to google up a back issue of Fangoria!

Go Away...

...and visit Lucy's blog, where she's hosting a series on her blogging friends.  I wrote a guest post over there to introduce myself to her followers.  Go check it out!

Ask a Homo

Summer has descended on Arizona.  People are staying indoors unless it's dark out, quickly running from their homes to their cars, and wearing broad hats, dark sunglasses, and long sleeves to cover their skin.  And that's just because of Arizona's new immigration law, never mind the effects of the heat. 

I've been accused of lazy blogging, and rightfully so.  I think it's a combination of settling into a family routine, summer heat, and just slowing down in summer time.  Or possibly booze.  Either way, I think the jolt I need to get going again may come from you guys.  I'd like you to comment on this post by asking me any question you want answered.  Anything, does not matter what the topic is.  (Questions like "When are you going to pay me what you owe?" or "I'm a process server; don't you know you have to answer the door sometime?" might not make it.)  Depending on the questions, I'll either answer them in one list or potentially make a whole post out of some.

So ask.  Me.  Anything.

(Side Note:  I've been asked to be a special guest blogger on my friend Lucy's blog on this coming Saturday.  Be sure to check it out!)

Cadmi-Mmmm

You Deserve to be Broken Today

McDonald's is recalling it's Shrek glasses because the paint used in the designs contains cadmium, a cancer causing agent that also causes intestinal, liver, and kidney diseases.  They are not recalling the McNuggets, which do the same thing.

We're very careful about what Sabrina eats, but now that she's getting older and becoming more independent, that is getting more difficult.  The first four months or so were of course, formula.  As she transitioned to purees and then solids, all her food was made at home by her Papa.  Gregg loves to cook, and is very good at it.  So I wasn't surprised when he started reading up on baby recipes and preparing her food.  It's not the most convenient thing, as (especially in the beginning) everything needed to be pureed.  Food processors are great for that, but now that she's older and things are chunkier there's a lot of hand chopping.  No problem for Gregg as he can do that Food Network bionic chopping thing where the knife flies through the carrot at lightning speed. When I try it I end up looking like the vegetable.  I keep a ziplock bag of ice handy in case I need to take a finger to the emergency room to be reattached.

Some of her recent meals were Baby California Roll (balls of rice with broccoli, carrot, and fish), Bowtie Pasta with Peas and Chopped Ham, Mini Spaghetti with Chopped Meat, and Balls of Chicken with veggies and breadcrumbs.  We're also big on fresh fruit and vegetables, real cheeses, and yogurt.

Baby Cali Rolls and Chicken Balls

Like anyone, we do go out to eat from time to time.  We let her sample what we're having if it's appropriate, so she's had the occasional French Fry or so.  But we are not fast foodies, so we don't visit those "restaurants".  Tasting a fry once in a while is OK, as long as it's balanced and not served with a side of corporate kiddie toys to make them want to come back for more.  Since I'm on vacation from work this week, we took our first trip to Golden Spoon for a taste of yummy frozen yogurt.  That was a hit, as Gregg makes great fruit sorbets and Sabrina loves that.  I think the cold feels good on those teeth that keep popping in.

So leave the cadmium on the Hannah Montana jewelry, where it belongs, and try some great home made baby food instead.  You can look on Amazon for some of Annabel Karmel's baby recipe books, or you can bug Papa on his blog to post some of his favorite Sabrina meals.  (I've been after him to do that for a while!)  And if worse comes to worst, those Mojo Munchies we made a while back are all natural too, and great for teething.   Because you deserve a break today...from toxic food.