Those Two Daddies

Once Again I Give You...

2012-02-10T21:43:00.005-07:00

Well we're almost there. Our new "Dear Birth Mother" letter has been approved, as has our website. I still have to create a secondary website that is part of our agency's main site, but I should have that done this weekend. A Facebook page will be made as well, but that will come soon. I've ordered a proof of the letter on card stock and had it sent to Los Angeles for the agency's review. Once approved (again) I'll get the OK to order the bulk 300 or so copies. So we should be live and marketable for our second adoptionwithin the next 2 weeks or so. Finally!

Please take a look at our new site and feel free to leave some comments for me. I've changed the link on the right side of the page to direct to our new letter or you can view that on Gregg and Bobby as well. I'm looking forward to the wait and all the emotional baggage that comes with it. Will it be a short, smooth 3 week ride as with Sabrina? A year in the making? A match with a drama queen who takes us on a roller coaster? Who knows, but whatever it is, we'll see it through.

At least since this week the Catholic Church is reminding everyone that Jesus hates birth control, nine months from now the cabbage patch may be full...

It's Coming Together

2012-02-06T21:41:00.000-07:00

Our birth mother letter PDF has been sent off to the adoption agency, all our paper work is finished. With any luck, we'll be on the books for marketing and ready for the pitter patter of little feet in a week or so. And by pitter patter I mean waiting. But a good kind of waiting.

We've decided to lose our guest room and turn it into Sabrina's new room. Her current room will be the nursery. So there's some work to do with painting and redecorating, not to mention figuring out what to do with the guest room furniture. Sabrina's room is still the neutral green color we painted it before she was born, so besides a little sprucing up it won't be too hard. To help ease the transition, we're going to let her help paint (Lord help us) and set it up. The last thing we'll do is have her carry the letters of her name out of her room and re-hang them over her new bed. Hopefully that will give her some ownership.

Now to send some good vibes, a reading from the gospel of Dr. Suess, The Cat in the Hat, page 8, as told by the fish, who, we're constantly told, does not like the cat:

Happy New Year and New Family 2012!

2012-01-01T20:50:00.000-07:00

Happy 2012 Everyone! Or, based on your belief system, make the most of the 11 1/2 months you have left before the world explodes or vaporizes or whatever fun ending the Mayans had in store for us. (If the Mayans were so smart, where the hell are they today?)

For us, we're hoping 2012 will be the year we complete our family and adopt our second child. For those of you who are waiting, especially for your first, take heart. You spent 2011 doing all the mundane, taxing, mind numbing work you needed to do to get this far. This year, you're past that, and 2012 will be a year of anticipation and change. The ride of adoption isn't always a smooth one, but the beginning of a new year holds so much promise. Right now, there may be a little life developing and growing that is destined to land in your hearts. That's what I like to think; that somewhere an unborn heart beats, a future uncertain, a decision to be made. Someone is agonizing at the beginning of this year, but will be relieved and at peace by year's end. A child will land where he or she should be, and a family will be made or completed. That's what I'm thinking of right now. We don't know what promise this year holds for any of us, but for a spirit yet to be born, we're waiting for you.

A joyous and happy new year to all my followers.

B.

A Carefree Christmas

2011-12-11T21:58:00.004-07:00

The town of Carefree, Arizona is just north east of Phoenix and about an hour from our house. It has a very "new old West" feel to it in that it has many wild desert spaces intermingled with a small town setting. That, and everything in the town is perfectly manicured and "set" for tourists. It has a population that is very upper middle class and higher, and is filled with beautiful homes done in a modern adobe and southwest style. The downtown is filled with art spaces, galleries, and craft stores that reflect the old west atmosphere that Carefree tries so hard to portray. It's a pretty area, and at a slightly higher elevation then the Valley of the Sun it does get colder. On some rare occasions there is snow topping the saguaro cactus and Joshua trees. It's in Carefree that we spent this weekend relaxing before Santa arrives two weeks from now.

Two of the Dads that run the Carefree Resort sponsored an outing for our Phoenix Gay Dad's Group Saturday night. We arrived in the afternoon to a beautiful suite and headed to an absolutely wonderful dinner in the main dining room of the resort. Our hosts were two new dads of a five month old boy. After the fantastic food and drinks, we hoped a shuttle to downtown Carefree for the annual Christmas parade and festival. Due to the cold, Sabrina was attired in her cozy warm "New York" coat and mittens, her ever present blankie, and her blinking Christmas light necklace. She loved the electric light parade, where every float and marcher was adorned with Christmas lights. Elaborately decorated fire trucks, ponies, marching bands, and floats drove past us all lit up. Being guests of the resort, we had front row seats. Even the Grinch himself, America's toughest do nothing corrupt Sheriff Joe rode down the street in his gigantic monument to wasted taxpayer dollars, his tank, looking like that was the absolute last place he wanted to be. (Until then I'd never heard booing at a Christmas parade, but...) Based on the scowl on his face, I imagined the stick up his ass was candy cane striped. But I digress...

Sabrina started the day at swimming school. Arriving at the resort, we took a quick hike of the grounds. The dinner had kids swarming all over and they laughed and played for two hours at least. So that's why it was possible for her to fall asleep three quarters of the way through fire trucks and marching bands. She waved at every single one, and as I watched the waving get slower and slower, I knew she'd never make it to the end. Not to mention the after parade schedule was bouncy houses, playing in 25 tons of imported snow, and fire works with Santa. Nope, at parade conclusion, we boarded the shuttle back to the resort. Just as well cause I was freezing my cute little patootie off!

Turns out that was OK, because she awoke in our room just in time for Gregg to hear the fireworks starting. Out on the balcony, we had the best view ever of the show. Sabrina loved it, and has been shouting "Boom boom fireworks, boom boom!" all day. Since she was awake, we went back down to the lobby in time to see some of the other families arriving back at the resort. After another hour of running and playing with the kids, getting her to sleep after just one reading of The Cat in the Hat wasn't too hard at all.

This morning we got up and had a great breakfast at the hotel, then headed back to town to see what we missed the night before. This worked out because it was not crowded at all, and we got to play in the snow and visit all the shops after all. We even climbed a platform and rode snow discs down the steep hill to the bottom. Of course, most people wouldn't sit a 2 1/2 year old on a round piece of plastic and push them down a hill, but I'm not most people. Besides she insists on doing everything herself, so...

Santa's head on a platter

The Frosty Float

I think some kids worked hard on this one

Fun, and hygienic soap bubble snowflakes

Father-daughter Olympic tryouts

Flying solo. She was so proud of herself!

The Potty Jar

2011-12-07T12:36:00.000-07:00

Potty training is a lot slower than I thought it would be. Sabrina's been using the potty for a while now, but she's not consistent about it. If she's involved in any fun activity like coloring, dancing, or watching the Republican debates on TV and nature calls, into the diaper it goes. And poop, I think she's done that twice on the pot; most of the time she's off in the corner hiding until she's finished and you begin to smell it. Not unlike a Labrador retriever I can think of. If only there was some reward, some sought after item I could tantalize her with to make her want to use the potty every time...

Something like this.

Since the above is not currently an option, we opted to create our own. Off to Target we went, and returned with a plain glass jar. To invest her in it, we got out the paints and stickers, and in no time at all, The Potty Jar became a reality.

Easily rivals some dusty gold box, and won't melt your face off.

No one's prouder of The Potty Jar than Sabrina, who is fond of telling people "Look, I painta' dis Potty Jar," whenever you enter the bathroom. We filled the Jar with the toddler world's gold standard of healthy snacks, Swirly Fruit Roll Ups. If you haven't seen them, picture taking six colors of fluorescent Play-Dough, mixing them, adding a metric ton of sugar, and then rolling it all flat with a rolling pin. The resultant "Potty Prize" is relished by toddlers and dentists everywhere. Now all we had to do is promise a Potty Prize after each successful whizzing, and potty training's a snap. Not so fast...

While Sabrina loves getting a potty prize for going potty she's still not committed, and some unexpected ground rules have appeared in our little game of potty cat and mouse. For example, if there are more delicious treats to be had elsewhere, who cares about potty prizes or even going potty at all. So home made Christmas cookies are like potty training kryptonite. We also quickly realized that Fruit Roll Ups are not what you want to feed a 2 1/2 year old right before bed. On more than one occasion we've had to scramble to substitute out a less sugary treat.

Like this unsweetened cat food.

There's also the dreaded sit and wait. As in, gee I'd love a Potty Prize, but I don't have to pee. Let's see how long they'll let me sit here until I do something. So we've had 30 minute waits. In the end it pays off, but sheesh! I haven't spent that much time in the bathroom since I was a teenager.

All in all we're making some progress. When it comes to potty training, eventually everything comes out OK.

What Do Kids Know Anyway?

2011-11-22T22:00:00.000-07:00

I got a text message from my sister today, out of the blue, which said,

"Hey Bob...I talked to the kids and we decided that you guys don't have to do gifts for them this year...We want you to put it towards the adoption."

I was moved by that. Our nieces are 16 and 13, and our nephew is 10. They really don't live that far away, but we don't always get to see them as often as we should. They know adoption is complicated, and they know it's expensive. They also know it's important to us that we complete our family, and they love their little cousin. I called my sister this afternoon and told her to thank them, but we know when Santa stops here he'll drop off some stuff for the kids anyway. That's just how he rolls.

This year, one of the things I'm thankful for (and proud of) is that I have kids like that in my family.

That

2011-10-26T22:13:00.000-07:00

Well something like 30 people voted on the last post regarding our "main" photo for our birth mother letter, and the votes were overwhelmingly for Picture 2. Nothing personal rest of the Internet, but we're going with Picture 1.

Me and My Mooks

We chose this one because of the eye contact, and the fact that it looks so vibrant. The one drawback is the bit of space between me and Sabrina, but I think that's outweighed by how much the picture seems to engage the viewer. The main photo is meant to be a visual greeting from us to a potential birth mother and I think this one gets to that feeling. The second picture is adorable, but it shows us as a happy family; I don't think it brings the viewer into the photo quite like this one does.

We went over these and about 80 other pictures with our adoption counselor today and narrowed the field down to about 18 candidates to be included on our letter. Those and about 20 others will go onto our eventual adoption website. We're already done with the letter text, so I hope to take the next two weeks to put together the actual brochure. After submitting our final bit of paperwork, we hope to be live by the end of November. Then the real journey begins, and I'm so glad I have you guys to share it with!

This or That?

2011-10-17T16:14:00.000-07:00

With the text of our "Dear Birthmother" letter approved, it's time to work on pictures. I've uploaded a bunch to a sharing site and we'll discuss them with our adoption agency sometime later this week. The most important one is the "Main Profile Pic" which will grace the cover of our letter. Here is the one we used last time, after I don't know how many tries...

Nice, but what's my left hand doing?

We've narrowed our personal choice down to two photos. Please weigh in with your comments on which one you think you'd like better, with the mindset that you are a birth mother looking for a family to potentially place your as yet unborn child with. Why do you like one better than the other?

Picture 1

Picture 2

*Pictures taken by our good friend John Morey from John Morey Photography.

Proper Pumpkin Painting

2011-10-15T15:27:00.000-07:00

Forget Halloween colors. These are girly pumpkins.

Cut the Blue Wire!

2011-09-27T16:41:00.000-07:00

What's wrong with this picture?

The language explosion in the second year of life is amazing. We have video of Sabrina on her second birthday in April, and while she's able to talk pretty well, the last few months have seen her increase her vocabulary by leaps and bounds. Short sentences come flooding out of her mouth now at an almost Sarah Palin level of comprehension. (OK, OK, I know some of you like Sarah Palin and I admit comparing her to a toddler isn't fair. One of them is only now learning about the world and using newly developed language skills to form simple sentences, and the other one is a toddler.) But we've now reached a new level: Negotiation.

Bedtime in our home as I like to define it is the period of time between getting Sabrina's pajamas on and enjoying a glass of wine on the couch. Sometimes it's quick and painless, and sometimes...well sometimes it isn't. On those occasions that period can be filled with crying, screaming, and stomping of feet, and that's just from me and Gregg. When she doesn't want to go to bed, she let's you know it. Last night, however, a different scene was set.

The normal routine is pajamas, teeth cleaning ("Brusha-Brusha"), saying good night to Papa, quiet reading of a bedtime story (or two or three) in her room, lights out, one or two songs, and off to sleep. Since Gregg cooks the dinners, my job is the story-song-sleep bit. I'll usually sit in the room with her for a little bit until I'm sure she's about to head off to sleep and then quietly step out. If you don't hear anything from her within about a minute, you're golden and Malbec here I come. Otherwise, let the games begin.

Last night I tip toed out of the room, shut the door, and headed down the hall. I stopped and waited to see which way tonight was going to go. After about a minute, her door opened a crack and she stood there in her most innocent pose wearing her Frog Princess nightgown and clutching her blanket. Silent.

I walked over and she didn't come out of her doorway but just stood there. I bent down and gave her a kiss and said "What's the matter Chipmunk?".

"Daddy, I can't sleep anymore."

"Well you haven't been to sleep yet, so I think you should try again."

"Um, Daddy?"

"Yes Sabrina?"

"Um, I can't sleep anymore."

You know how every action movie has that inevitable scene where the hero is trying to diffuse the bomb and it's down to cutting the red or blue wire, and you hold your breath knowing if he cuts the wrong one all hell will break loose? That's what went through my mind as I cut the parental blue wire by taking her hand and saying, "Well let's go back in bed and see if you can sleep some more". I braced for a tantrum, or at least a scream, but none came. Silence as we walked back into the dark room towards the bed.

"Daddy?", she said softly, now sitting on the bed.

"Yes Sabrina?"

"I don't want to go to bed."

"I know that, but everybody is sleeping because it's night time, and that's what we do at night."

"Is Ripley sleeping?"

"Yes, Ripley is sleeping."

"Is Chase sleeping?"

"Yes, Chase is sleeping too."

"Is..." We now launch into a list of almost every person we know and what their sleep status is at the moment. I realize she's stalling, but we're back to cutting the blue wire. Let her ramble and look for a way to get her back in bed, or cut her off and risk her wrath? When we get into inanimate objects, I make my move.

"Is moon and stars sleeping?" A-ha! She messed up--she could have started on a long list of Sesame Street characters and kept this up all night, but instead she asked an open ended question. I pounced on her inexperienced negotiating skills.

"No the moon and stars are up in the sky watching us while we sleep to help us have good dreams. Here why don't you lay back down and I'll tuck you in." Take that! I bet her head is spinning on her rookie mistake. But wait...she's pulling the trump card...the most cliched, hackneyed phrase in the history of the war on bedtime...her head half way to the pillow, she looked up at me and calmly checkmated her opponent by saying...

"Daddy I have a drink?"

Noooo! She's taken this thing nuclear! Before I even realized I'd swallowed the bait she was sitting straight up and I was half way to the door to get a cup of water. How did this happen?

She did lay back down after the water, and three choruses of Winnie the Pooh's theme song, but reappeared at her door several times after I'd snuck out and we had to repeat selected portions of our dialogue. Gregg was laying in bed watching TV, and getting ready to go to sleep early anyway, so all three of us won in our own way. Sabrina got to go cuddle with Papa, Gregg got a quiet night cuddling with Sabrina as they fell to sleep together, and I...I got what I wanted in the first place. An evening to myself with a glass of vino...Hmmmmmm.

Late night shenanigans make for a sleepy breakfast.

At the Car Wash...

2011-09-25T12:59:00.000-07:00

Some parents forget why they had children. I didn't.

Just like finger paints. Really.

OK honey but the other kids all scrub just a little bit harder. You don't want them to have more fun than you right?

Daddy it's hot...

Finish up honey and when you're vacuuming the inside I'll put on the air.

Building character starts at a young age.

*No toddlers were harmed in the making of this blog post. While I did need my car washed, it's not like I shipped her off to Nike or called up Kathy Lee Gifford and bragged about her sewing skills.

Well?

2011-08-29T20:59:00.000-07:00

Well? Well things are rolling along here with Project Baby, the Sequel. We were notified that our home study has been approved by the court, which means for the next 18 months we are legally able to adopt a child. We've finished our medical clearances, and sent the first draft of our birth mother letter to the agency for approval and guidance. We still have to watch a video and take an exam that will teach us how to parent in an interracial family in case our second child is not the same race as one of us. Yeah, I know. The way I figure it, I have an interracial parent/child relationship, but Gregg doesn't, so he should have to watch the video alone while I head to a Labor Day BBQ or something. It's a hoop. We'll jump through it.

We won't be done with preliminary gigantic monthly payments to the adoption agency until November so technically nothing can happen until after that. Right now we're gathering pictures for our letter, and a friend of ours who is a photographer is coming over in two weeks to do a photo shoot with us for our main picture. If you've been with me a while you'll remember what our last letter looked like. This one has to be four pages instead of two and frankly will look a little nicer I think. Last time we matched off of our letter in three weeks of being in circulation, so we want to make sure this one hits the mark as well.

It's funny; we've been performing the steps necessary to reach our goal of having a baby for some months now, but it's only since our home study has been approved that I have those butterflies banging away in my stomach telling me a baby could join our family as soon as the beginning of the year. Of course it could take a lot longer, but we've crossed a threshold that has started those old feelings creeping up on me again. We have a ways to go and a forest of red tape to cut through, but we're definitely on the way again...

Twin Elephants of the Apocalypse

2011-08-14T19:10:00.001-07:00

Our previous inflatable pool met it's demise earlier this summer when it was slashed by either a desert tortoise or a Labrador retriever. No one's copping to it.

Prime suspects

Today we got a new one, complete with elephant water slide and trunk sprinkler.

Rickety and Wobbly, your fun summer pals!

Now as everyone knows, real fun always has an element of danger, like riding in the very front of the roller coaster or Christmas fishing with Scott Peterson. The Chinese must have had that in mind when they came up with the Spray N' Splash Elephant Slide. It looked like fun on the box, with the inflatable elephant slide that sprays water from the trunk. I figured since it's a water toy, most of the toxic lead finish the Chinese use to shine it up will probably wash off after a few uses. Summer toddler fun!

Even using our air compressor, this thing took about half an hour or more to blow up. I made sure to fill it extra firm so it wouldn't squish down with the 35 pounds of toddler that would soon be jumping on it. My original plan was to fill it, make lunch, then go swimming. That ended when I suggested this to Sabrina, who responded with "No Daddy, I go down a slide". No manner of cajoling was going to change her mind. Knowing how to pick my battles, I decided we could eat lunch after swimming. Unbeknownst to me, children are always hungrier after taking their lives in their grubby little hands.

Now this slide has two loops on it where you tie it down to the bottom of the pool to keep it from floating away. To be fair, the instructions call that point out. What they don't point out is that the slide is as unstable as Michelle Bachman at a gay Pride parade. It turned out to be almost impossible for Sabrina to climb without my assistance. Even with all the air I pumped into it, the sides are useless for holding on to and keeping steady. One wrong turn and it would come tumbling down, even with the two inches of safety string tied tight. Usually it's the kid on the slide that holds her breath before hitting the water; in this case it was me.

Don't...Even...Breathe...

Works as designed.

When it did work without killing her, it was fun. But this required lots of lifting and helping on the side of the father. So much for relaxing in the chair.

And go...

The sprinkler part did work well.

Elephantastic!

Oh and I do apologize for the misleading title of this post. By now you know I mean the pool by Twin Elephants of the Apocalypse. Not these two:

Potty Mouth

2011-08-02T16:47:00.000-07:00

Admit it...you're never happier than after taking a big, satisfying dump. Don't believe me? Just look at the smile on that over eager toilet. He's as happy to see you poop as you are. He even sings about it after you're finished.

Poop on me...

Sabrina's doing well on the potty, using it both home and at daycare about 75% of the time. And when she does use it, you'd think she hit the lottery. Squeals of "I did pee-pee!" with a big smile on her face as the potty sings along with glee, followed by telling anyone who'll listen. And poop, well that's an event in itself. Little kids and old people sure love to tell you about their pooping. Sometimes we have to sit there awhile before anything comes out. We know in advance it will be a wait because Sabrina will tell us "Papa, pee pee is stuck". But that's OK, that's when we break out our copies of Elmo's Potty Tales and Men's Health and just wait it out. Hey, you can even have a contest to see who poops first if you want. There were a few times when it dragged out forever. And yes, I admit it, I have asked her to please shit or get off the pot. Nicely of course. But I digress...

Since I'm taking some time off next week, I might try to see if we can get through an entire day of successfully using the potty and not wetting pants. Perhaps a bribe of wearing big girl underwear. Watching TV and using crayons are the danger zones, because if she gets too involved in either activity, well potty be damned. I guess before we had DVR's and the ability to pause live TV that was an understandable, if not practical, choice. But unless you're a toddler, Betty White, or some crazy astronaut lady with a stalker complex, wearing diapers and peeing when you're distracted isn't really feasible.

I think kids need to be ready for potty training. We tried on and off since she turned two, but she only really started to get into it in the last few weeks. We're pretty sure she'll be reliable quickly because once her stubbornness kicks in there is no stopping her. I just hope once that happens she'll calm down about it. I don't see too many executives running around the office screaming "I did poops! I did poops!". Well that one guy from shipping...

Happy to see you, or just dropped a deuce?

The War on Terror

2011-07-12T00:01:00.001-07:00

In this family, we don't negotiate with terrorists.

Or at least try not to. It seems that at 2 years and 2 months, the battle is beginning to heat up.

False promises are made...

National Leader: If I let you have one more cookie, will you stop crying?
Terrorist: I promise!
National Leader: OK, here you go.
Terrorist: More cookie! *Anger and Tears*

Secretive Tactics are used to gain the upper hand...

National Leader: I want you to finish all your broccoli.
Terrorist: Mmmmm, bwok-wii.
The nation drops is guard, but soon re-engages the enemy.
National Leader: Ahh, good you've eaten it all. You can get down from your chair now.
The terrorist smiles deceptively. Released from captivity, she waits until she's almost out of sight to pull up her shirt and allow a mother lode of bwok-wii to spill to the floor, rewarding her canine minions...

Fierce battles are fought, with little to no territory gained on either side...

National Leader: I just want to change your diaper!
Terrorist: Nooooooooo!!!!!
National Leader: I'm not kidding you better come over here right now!
Terrorist: (throwing everything within reach off her bed onto the floor) No! No! No! Arrrrrggghhhh!
National Leader: OK if you don't come over here right now I'm going to ~~waterboard~~ give you a spanking!
Terrorist: (screaming and crying) No way! (Jumping up and down.)
A valiant battle is waged by both sides, and in the end, once the diaper is changed, both sides forget the whole thing.

If you're not with us, you're against us...

Allied Nation: Sabrina do you want some ice cream?
National Leader: Mom, you just gave her a cupcake.
Allied Nation: I know but she likes ice cream.
Terrorist: Eye Keem! Eye Keem! (Jumping up and down with glee.)
National Leader: No, you're not having ice cream you still have frosting on your cheeks from the cupcake.
Allied Nation: Oh just let her have a little.
National Leader: She doesn't need it. And how come we could never have cupcakes and ice cream when we were little?
Allied Nation: (Lying through her teeth) Oh you kids got everything you wanted. (To Terrorist) Chocolate or Strawberry?
Terrorist: Yippie whoo hoo horray!*
National Leader: Sigh.

* I have no idea where she got that from...

In the heat of battle, true loyalties emerge...

National Leader: No, and you better stop screaming.
Terrorist: No no no no! (Starts banging her tricycle against the front door)
National Leader: OK that's enough where do you think you're going?
Terrorist: G'ama house! (crying) G'ama house!
National Leader: Good go to Grandma's house! It's not so great I grew up there you know. They're fooling you! I don't know who those people are that replaced my parents but move in and everything changes. Ice cream and cupcakes will disappear and you'll be doing dishes and vacuuming in no time with zero privacy... (trailing off into territory only a trained therapist is qualified to tread on...)
Terrorist: (The terrorist has heard only two words, stops crying and says) Eye Keem?
National Leader: No, you're certainly not getting ice cream!
Terrorist: (screaming louder than ever) Arrrgh! Eye Keem! Eye Keem!
National Leader: Ugh...

The war will be long, and there will be casualties. Eventually justice will prevail. But we must be ever vigilant. Pick our battles wisely. And above all, realize the scorched earth policy of the terrorist will leave no furniture undamaged, electronic devices soaked in apple juice, and car keys slipped into the kitchen trash can when no one is looking. Yes it will be a battle for our very souls, and we will fight on, only giving up when we realize it will be the terrorist who will some day choose our nursing home...

The terrorist has won...

Dust in the Wind...

2011-07-06T11:05:00.001-07:00

...and your face, your car, house, streets, etc etc...

Since my last two posts are now weather related, you can see how exciting our summer is turning out to be so far. We're in adoption paperwork limbo, although we're getting good at writing out gigantic checks again. Here is video of last night's Duststorm (or haboob, if you want to be specific) that hit around 7 pm and is a normal part of our Arizona monsoon season. This morning everything is covered in dirt, including the entire inside of the parking garage here at work. (I mean at work, since of course I'm not typing this on company time. Perish the thought!) At 10,000 feet high with winds around 50 miles an hour, this was one of the bigger ones. At least there was no rain...then the dirt is even harder to wash off.

Sigh...

2011-06-28T14:56:00.002-07:00

There is no point to this post except yeah, it's hot. But at least you don't have to shovel heat. Ugh.

1-2-3 Eyes on Me

2011-06-26T19:16:00.000-07:00

16 in 2008.

17 in 2009.

20 in 2010.

8 as of June 5, 2011.

Those are the totals of how many children have drowned in Maricopa County, Arizona, since 2008. I think as of today we're at 10, so we're on track to tie or surpass last year. We live in the desert, and while there are lakes, most if not all of these deaths occurred in backyard swimming pools. My heart breaks every time I hear one of these stories on the news: "I ran inside for two seconds", "There was no fence around the pool", "We thought he was in the house", "I thought you were watching her", "He crawled out the doggie door". I don't know how you go on. I am not sure I could. I hear this stuff, and I think how could they let that happen? It's not possible. But it is. Ask yourself honestly...do you know where your toddler is and what he/she is doing every second? Even the five second gap it takes to get out the back door and into the pool? Five seconds. That's all it takes to end a life, and change others forever.

We don't have a pool in our yard. We do have one in the community, and most of our family members have one at their homes. I have that in my mind when ever we go somewhere. This is one area of parenting I think you have to have in your mind all the time...watch your kid...especially if there is water anywhere in the vicinity.

Sabrina loves the water. I'm glad she does; nothing gives kids more fun all summer than playing in the pool with family and friends. But it does scare me a little. I don't want the pool to be something she's drawn to before she's ready for it, before it's safe. So we enrolled in Swimming Lessons. It's mostly water safety at this point, and she's learning to climb out of the pool, breath control, and floating, among other things. It's important to help young children develop skills that can make a difference in an emergency. And have fun doing it.

Please. Watch your kids around water. Two seconds is too long.

Come on in the water's fine...

You're In Charge Of It

2011-05-14T10:19:00.001-07:00

As I was taking this picture, I was thinking about the smile on her face. I thought about the comments people make to Gregg and I, about what a lucky little girl she is. I'm not sure why but that's what people say when they don't know anything about our family and how it came to be. As I usually tell them, no, we're the lucky ones, because we were chosen to be her Daddy and her Papa, and to love and take care of her. As a parent knows, seeing that smile makes you smile, and gives you that fluttery feeling in your gut that swells up and lights up your face with pride. I started to think about the responsibility of raising a child--schooling, love, learning about the world, and so on. I think though, the most important thing a child will take with them after they're grown, is the memory of childhood itself. And yeah, you're in charge of that too.

I'm lucky. I fall into nostalgia on a regular basis thinking about growing up. My parents are still married, and my family is still intact. My parents weren't rich by any means, but securely middle class. With five kids, there was always a juggling act with finances I'm sure, but we weren't made aware of that. There were always great Christmases, summers spent camping and going to the beach, time playing with our cousins, and lots of love. The memory of childhood is powerful, and it's why I get teary eyed every time Frosty melts no matter how hard I tell my adult self snowmen can't come to life. It's why I know all the really important breaking news is announced by a frog in a trench coat, and not some partisan hack. Breaking the no tag backs rule gets you ostracized from the group, if only for a few minutes, and architectural wonders can be created with a cardboard box and some broken crayons.

I know I'm lucky, because there are people I know who's childhood memories aren't that great. I want Sabrina to look back on these years with fondness as I do. So far I'm sure we're on the right track. But we've got a lot to teach her. I'm listing my priorities below. Leave a comment and tell me what you still need to teach your kids so they have great childhood memories as well.

Things Sabrina Needs To Know:

The secret identities of all the Super Heroes, and that no matter what anyone says talking to fish isn't really a useful super power (I'm looking at you Aquaman!).
How to make twirly whirlies out of maple tree seeds, even if they are few and far between in Arizona.
Picking out the best stick for roasting marshmallows.
Blanket fort building.
Even if he yells, it's still totally worth it to sneak up on Papa and drop an ice cube down his pants.
Hand stands in the pool.
Watching the (original) Star Wars movies with Daddy and Papa for the first time is important, even the one about the army of hamsters.
The President of the United States is an important man no matter what grown ups say. Yeah even the last one.
Frogs aren't gross until you're over the age of 10.
How to throw a Frisbee and ride a bike.
Digging a large hole in the back yard for no reason at all always seems like a good idea at the time, until your parents find out.
Saying good bye to Ripley and Chase one day is going to be very hard, but Daddy and Papa will do their best to get you through it.
Even if your prom date looks like Tyson Beckford or Brad Pitt, your fathers aren't going to like him. Stare at him yes, like him, no.

Be awesome and show your personality in everything you do, no matter how strange it might seem, and your fathers will be there for you.

So tell me, what will you do for your kids to make sure their childhood memories are the best they can be?

Tortoise Farmer

When World's Collide

2011-05-07T16:27:00.000-07:00

Based on today's mail delivery, we can assume the mail man knows we're gay parents...

Happy weekend!

Vote for Pedro

2011-05-02T20:00:00.000-07:00

OK I've been wrestling with this for over a week now, but I've finally been convinced to appeal to the masses for votes. I'm not sure who or why I was nominated, but somehow Those Two Daddies ended up in contention for one of the best LBGT Family blogs on the net. So not unlike Sanjaya, I'm shamelessly begging for votes. Click on the badge to the left to vote for my blog. You can do it each day but only until May 13th. Grassy-ass!

Groundhog Day

2011-05-02T19:55:00.000-07:00

D.J. #1: Okay, campers, rise and shine, and don't forget your booties 'cause it's cooooold out there today.
D.J. #2: It's coooold out there every day. What is this, Miami Beach?
--The Opening Radio Dialogue to "Groundhog Day".

And so we soldier on through the home study. Finger prints, letters of reference, home visits, financial documentation, etc. etc. Today we had our home visit and although we cleaned all weekend, it was sit down at the dining room table with coffee and danish while we chatted about how different everything is now that we are parents. This is the sixth or seventh time we've talked to our social worker Windsor (she did our last home study and post placement visits), so it was all very relaxed and very familiar. She even condensed our study down from two visits to just one. (Well one visit with two payments!) We've done all this before, know the players, and the process hasn't changed, so it's almost kind of a redo. It's nice to have something that's somewhat relaxed in the otherwise stressful time that is adoption prep.

I also called our main agency, the IAC, and told them we're ready to get the ball rolling on "re-upping" with them. We know the ropes there too, so we hope to be ready, approved, and on the books by summer's end. Right now the only difficult part is, well, paying for it. Luckily we don't have to pay the entire thing up front, but handing over thousands of dollars a month for the next six months or so isn't going to be exactly child's play. I'm sure we'll figure it out...Powerball anyone?

To prove we're Dr. Spock approved parents, I submit the following certificate. Being voted class clown at 2 years old might be cute, but I'm not sure what the future holds on that one...we may end up regretting it!

2nd Time Around

2011-04-26T19:32:00.001-07:00

Well here we go again. We've started our home study for the second adoption. Last week we went down to the local adoption agency and had our finger prints taken for the background checks, and Monday will be our home visit from our social worker. We have the same person as last time, a very nice lady named Windsor, who you'll remember I did compare to a short Mrs. Doubtfire, but in the nicest way possible! Gregg spoke with her on the phone the other day and she said she'll only need one visit. I'm hoping she walks in, finds that the baby is still alive and doesn't live in a rabbit hutch, then tells us the home study is approved and it's off to the races. Unfortunately, the reality is that after the visit we'll still need to file references (again), get medical clearances, wait for her report to be cleared by the court, and so on. I am hoping the final approval takes three months or less. Last time was around four, but now that we know the ropes I'm hoping to push the envelope. The faster we get this part done, the closer we are to moving the entire process along. We have not contacted our actual agency, the Independent Adoption Center, just yet to let them know we want to go for another round. We'll do that sometime next week I suppose. We're not looking forward to the mountain of paperwork and letter packet designing that is going to entail, but it's a necessary evil.

On a side note, Sabrina's wardrobe creation notwithstanding, we'll need to pick her out a better outfit then the one she put on herself. It's fine if this was a Cindy Lauper concert, but I think we'll go for something a little more conservative. (Did I just say that? Errrr...)

The Laurie Berkner Interview

2011-04-19T22:44:00.002-07:00

As I've posted before, there is one thing that makes toddlers drop whatever they're doing and pay attention. What is this magical charm you ask? Why, it's the Laurie Berkner Band of course! If you're a parent, Laurie and her band need no introduction. If you're on the road to becoming one, well, you better listen up. You can either listen to "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" ad infinitem until you wish global warming would destroy the planet faster so you don't have to hear it again, or you can get into the "Kindie Rock" scene and Laurie's band for music that you'll claim is on your iPod for the kids but you (not so) secretly listen to on your own. As Laurie's website states,

"If you think the Beatles made a splash in '63, wail 'till you see the mayhem caused by this woman." - Good Morning America

Sabrina worships her, dancing to the music and pushing every button on my iPod to make it repeat. She's made up her own routines to songs such as The Goldfish, Five Days Old, and My Family. The other parents I've heard from report similar behavior. I admit, Gregg and I dance with her too (although we do a mean version of Beyonce's Single Ladies as well, don't get me wrong!). So I decided to reach out and find out where all this "Kindie" stuff as it's called came from. And who better to ask then the Queen of Kindie herself, Miss Laurie Berkner? Laurie was kind enough to do an interview for Those Two Daddies blog, so get to know her a little below...

The Laurie Berkner Interview:

Bobby:
Thank you so much for taking the time to do this for me! I really appreciate it. So tell me, at what age do you remember first being interested in music? When did you decide it was something you wanted to do as your career?

Laurie Berkner:
At age two and a half I loved to sing and listen to music. I was about 10 when I realized I wanted to do it for a career – I realized not only did I like to sing, but people seemed to like to listen to me. When I graduated from college I thought no one would pay me to be a musician - luckily that turned out not to be true.

Bobby:
Who are your musical role models?

Laurie:
When I was a kid it was Julie Andrews for singing and acting. I felt so inspired by seeing the musicals she was in. I have a ton of respect for Paul Simon and I think he’s an amazing musician as well as poet and composer. I find his songs sprinkled throughout my life – I want to sing them as part of my day a lot. I also love Neil Young, Joni Mitchell and Joan Armatrading.

Bobby:
We're definitely on the same page there! Music seems so natural for you. What was the first instrument you learned to play, and how many do you play now, besides guitar of course!

Laurie:
I remember that in school, at about age 6 we all played recorder, but the first instrument I took lessons on was the piano. I started when I was 7 and continued my lessons for about 8 years. I also learned clarinet and violin, playing in school band and orchestra. I always wish I’d learned to play drums.

Bobby:
I think the recorder is a rite of passage on the East coast! I know you started out in an adult band. How did you make the decision to begin playing music for children?

Laurie:
I had a job as a preschool music specialist and found that I was both feeling more creative and getting lots of great feedback from writing music for kids. I felt more satisfied than playing in the “adult” bands, so eventually I switched over.

Bobby:
Was making the transition from adult band to the children’s set full time hard to do, and how did you realize that was where you wanted to be?

Laurie:
It wasn’t hard. I remember the gig that made me want to switch fully to just playing kids’ music. I was feeling really sick and had gone to Long Island to play a late night show. Then I had to get up really early to play for a kids birthday party the next morning. Even though I felt lousy, I enjoyed myself at the party, whereas at the show the night before I remembered wishing that I didn’t have to be there. I realized I didn’t want to switch back and forth anymore. Something else that really made it clear to me was when I played at the birthday party, I played music I wrote myself that the kids and parents were requesting and loving. And all the kids were dancing. This was so different from the the night before, when I was trying to figure out what cover songs the mostly apathetic audience wanted to hear.

Bobby:
I'm not surprised to hear that parents were requesting songs as well as kids. I hear from a lot of parents, and all of them (including myself) really enjoy listening to your work. Our children are big fans as well. Why do you think your music style appeals to adults and children alike? Most music seems to fall into one or the other category.

Laurie:
I try to come from my own feelings and memories when I write, both in the lyrics and the music. I think that helps me to combine both the child and adult sides of myself, and hopefully appeal to other kids and adults. I also try to write music that I want to listen to myself – repeatedly!

Bobby:
With kids, "repeatedly" is the magic word! Where do you find inspiration for your music?

Laurie:
Aside from my own memories of being a kid, I listen a lot to children around me. I did that a lot when I was in school working directly with kids, and now I do it more sitting on the bus or at playdates with my daughter and her friends. Also, If I find something cool I think, “Did I think it was cool as a kid too?” If I did, then it’s something to consider writing about.

Bobby:
We first discovered you on Nick Jr, on Jack’s Big Music Show. How did you become part of that show, and is it difficult working with puppets? I think I’d keep looking at the puppeteers!

Laurie:
I was asked to make a video for the pilot because they knew it was going to be a music show. Originally we were only slated to be in a few episodes, but the response was so positive during the testing period they asked us to be regulars. Most of the videos were filmed completely separately from the show (we were in NYC and the puppets were in Chicago). The few times I was on set I didn’t really see the puppeteers;, they were below me. What was actually most difficult was that because of camera angles I wasn’t even supposed to look at the puppets. I had to pretend in order for it to look realistic. It was quite difficult looking at nothing.

Bobby:
Tell us about My Family. As adoptive parents, we find a lot of meaning in the lyrics. Is there a story behind how you wrote it?

Laurie:
Nick Jr. asked me to write a song with the theme “family” and I realized that I have a lot of strong feelings about what family actually means. To me personally, it’s not just the people that you’re born to and I wanted to find a way to express that, that love is truly what makes a family. I was also very aware that every family is different, and I wanted to write a song that would hopefully represent all families, no matter what they look like.

Bobby:
The video for My Family is fun. Our daughter Sabrina dances along to it just like the kids on TV. Where did you find the families for the video?

Laurie:
I didn’t actually, that was all Nick Jr.

Bobby:
One of the things I noticed is the inclusion of families with same sex parents. For families like ours, it’s nice to see them represented and joining in with the other families in the video who are also quite diverse. Since this video airs on a channel for young children, did you get any push back for including them? There are always some segments of society who are not happy

Laurie:
We did get some emails and calls, but not too many. I was glad about that because it really made me feel angry that people felt righteous about who they thought should be allowed to be on a video. . . a video about FAMILIES! I mean, who has the right to decide what other people’s families should look like?

Bobby:
You do a lot of charity work. What charities are near and dear to your heart?

Oy, the list is long. I usually choose to do a lot for children-centered charities through my music, and I particularly love having worked with CHOP (the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia) and meeting some of the amazing kids who have been treated there. There are also a few groups that I always find myself donating to personally that I don’t talk about as much. They are: Heiffer International (they give animals and training to families in order to provide better nutrition and ways of generating sustainable income), FINCA (which microfinances low-income entrepreneurs in countries all over the world), The WCS (Wildlife Conservation Society which saves wild places and animals all over the globe as well as running the NYC Zoos and Aquarium) and two NYC based charities, NYRP (The New York Restoration Project, founded by Bette Midler rebuilds public spaces and parks in NYC that have deteriorated from years of neglect) and Riverkeeper (New York’s “clean water advocate”, they are also dedicated to protecting the Hudson River).

Bobby:
My toddler stops dead in her tracks whenever she hears your music. What is it like having Laurie Berkner for your mom?

Laurie:
You’d have to ask my daughter that one!

Bobby:
What’s next for you and your band?

Laurie:
Our new DVD, “Party Day!” will be released in July. It’s going to be packaged with a bonus CD that has a new, acoustic version of the “My Family” song.

Bobby:
What is your favorite Laurie Berkner song?

Laurie:
Hmm, it always seems to be the latest song I’ve written. Right now it’s “Party Day,” the title track for our new DVD - so you’ll have to buy it and find out what it sounds like!

Bobby:
I’ll end with the toughest question: Elmo or Barney, and do you know either of them?

Laurie:
Elmo. I can’t say that we hang. He’s never invited me to tea. I can talk like Elmo, by the way. Ask me to do an impression sometime.

Bobby:
Thank you so much Laurie!

*************************************************************************
I know I'll be first in line (OK at amazon.com) for Party Day when it comes out! Please leave a comment below and tell me what you think of the interview, and if you're a Laurie fan. Trust me, listen to her once or catch a video on Nick Jr. and you'll be hooked. Now, where is my iPod...?

A Weekend of 2's

2011-04-18T21:51:00.001-07:00

We had two important milestones this weekend, both having to do with, well, two.

Those of you who have been with me for a while may remember a post from April 18, 2009. The day our lives changed forever, the day our sweet Sabrina was born. She officially turned two today, Saturday's party not withstanding, which means we've woken up for 730 days in a row believing today was the day we loved her the most and being wrong when we in fact somehow loved her more the next day, as impossible as that seems. She really did have a blast over these last three days, and enjoyed every minute of it. From the party on Saturday, to playing with all the new toys Sunday, and spending today riding the train at the Railroad Park with Daddy, she was laughing the whole way through. (The last few "one parent" days have been "Papa Days" as Gregg took off on times when I was out of town for work. So today I got to have a "Daddy Day" of my own!)

Our other "two" milestone is that after the Railroad Park and a quick visit to Grandma's house, I met Gregg downtown at the adoption agency office to get fingerprinted and start the ball rolling on our home study for adoption number two. Gregg has always wanted two children, while I had to come to terms with it. I was happy in the "one and done" club. But I know in the end, that's what's best for Sabrina and for our family. Still, I come to this decision with mixed emotions.

Honestly, when Project Baby started back in March of 2008, as much as I wanted a child I thought we were about to give up a lot of money, a lot of time, and a lot of emotions, and in the end remain childless. Call me pessimistic, but it kept nagging at me that "You're gay, this is Arizona, they're not going to allow you to have a child". Of course, I had not yet been introduced to the Gay Parent "scene" at that point. The journey has been fantastic, and I consider myself sort of an advocate for adoption in general and same sex parenting specifically. Then the wonderful day two years ago when Sabrina came into the world.

That day, as joyous as it was, came as a bittersweet time. For as in all adoptions, the happiness we gained as our family grew came at the cost of grief as a mother went home without her child. Sometimes I still get stuck on that thought. I know that one sentence is not really a fair statement as it has volumes of thought, emotion, and decision making propping it up. The feelings of a mother considering what to do; weighing her options, being fair to her other children, loving her unborn baby. Investigating avenues, reaching out and trusting strangers--almost blindly. And finally--going home, leaving the hospital, but not with the child she carried for nine months. If you've not experienced that day, signing a paper and becoming a parent, it teeters between pure joy and extreme sadness. It affected me deeply.

We pushed gently on a mother who decided on no contact, happily reaching a point in the first few days where picture exchanges were permitted, and working up to a reunion visit ten months later when we were back in California to finalize the adoption in court. Our email contact is sporadic; mostly me sending pictures back there, but I have to respect the comfort level. It's possible there may be a trip out here to Arizona over the summer, so I'm hoping for that but have decided to stop pushing it. (I noticed myself mentioning it in almost all of my emails.)

I've also become aware of an anti adoption movement on the Internet, made up of mostly (from what I can tell) people who were either adopted years ago before open adoption became the norm or birth mothers who were coerced back in those times to give up their babies due to societal or familial pressures. This blog was targeted by those individuals who left hateful comments towards me and my family as profiting over the deeply personal loss of birth mothers by adult adoptees bitter about their circumstances. I realized we were talking about circumstances from two different worlds, but I read some of those blogs, and it's hard not to be affected by what they say, even as I know their situations are so different from ours.

So I'm letting myself, carefully, allow the joy of another baby creep into my psyche. I know that without a personal connection and trust of a future birth mother I will not be able to allow myself to feel comfortable about a match with her. The good thing is Gregg and I both want to find someone as great as Sabrina's birth mom, so I know unless the understanding is there between the three of us we'll just keep searching. I tend to have thick skin when it comes to myself, but get hung up thinking about the pain of others. I'll have to remember why we're all doing what we're doing and making the decisions we're making as we move through the process. When we make the connection that it's really about the child, I'll know it's right.

In the future I'll look deep into a newborn baby's eyes, know it's right and think, if this is so great for all involved, why did this kid just throw up all over my shoes?

Hamming it up with my new water and sand table from Grandpa and Grandma

A Party for Birthday #2

2011-04-17T12:47:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday From Elmo!

We celebrated Sabrina's 2nd birthday on Saturday with a party in the park. Elmo, by far her favorite character, dominated the scene with his cakes, balloons, and accessories. We had some good April in Arizona weather, sunny and high 80 degree temps. Everyone had a great time. I'm sure you've been to a two year old's birthday, so I won't bore you with details, just pictures. Sabrina's actual birthday is Monday, so we're playing hooky from work and daycare and headed to the railroad park, after which we have our first meeting at the adoption agency to kick off our home study for Project Baby--The Sequel. Details on that to come. For now, it's a party!

Personal Sized Elmo

Take That Candles!

Now You're This Many Sabrina

Elmo, You're Delicious!

Morning Surprise

Arizona Spring Surprise

2011-04-03T15:45:00.001-07:00

While a good portion of the country is still encased in ice, April is spring time in Arizona and the signs are all around...

Flowers on the front yard hesperaloe

Cactus are starting to bloom

Tomatoes are starting to come in

Whatever this is has buds on it

Young men's fancy turns to babies once again

Yes, that picture is true. Can you believe it? Our exciting news is that we may soon have fresh tomatoes!

Also, we're starting the process to adopt our second child...

Adoption Denial Brought to You by the Letter Tea

2011-03-10T22:24:00.001-07:00

Arizona is the home of Tea Party 'Merican Values. We do things right. For example, one of the first acts our legislature took on after the tragic shooting of Gabrielle Giffords in Tucson was to make the Colt revolver the official state gun. We also allow them in bars and at the state capitol, and as of today allow them on campus (SB1467) and inside all public areas such as sports arenas. Luckily, everyone who has one concealed on their person is well trained...oh wait, actually we eliminated permits and training, so any 'Merican can carry them around. Soon, a new bill will outlaw destroying guns confiscated by police. Because melting down a gun is like gassing a puppy. I suppose we'll put them up for adoption.*

Now anyone can adopt a gun. Children, well not so much. Our state senate just passed SB 1188, the "Marital Preference Law". It now heads to the house. This bill mandates that adoption agencies and the state give preference to married couples when adopting from the foster system. So if you're single you go to the end of the line. Now to our Tea Partying legislature, "single" is really code for...wait for it...gay. Since we eliminated divorce and bestowed marital bliss and eternal happiness on our married population by outlawing gay marriage this bill will stand in the way of gay couples seeking to adopt from the state. I know, that's a pretty big charge, saying they are secretly trying to stop same sex parenting. So let's take a look at the mind of a Teabagger...

SB1188 was introduced and is sponsored by State Senator Linda Grey, R (big surprise there) District 10. Now Sen. Grey's website sports a link to the Center for Arizona Policy, a "Protect the Family" group that sponsors every anti gay bill in the state. Well they don't really "Protect" all families, certainly ours is up for dismissal. The families of straight white Christians (really, who else lives in Arizona?) specifically. They have a very loving website all children should visit, with topics on what the bible says about homosexuality and how gay marriage is destroying 'Merica. They have a policy doc on this bill and all the research they cite is from a Dr. Bradford Wilcox. Now who is he? Obviously some expert who has done extensive and objective research...ah not quite. Dr. Wilcox is the director of the National Marriage Project, a religious organization aimed at banning gay marriage. He is the only person they use as a reference for their policy paper. They completely ignore all other research on the matter, and make false claims such as:

Social science proves children do best when raised by a married mother and father. False. Years of study by all reputable groups show there is no difference between children raised by gay couples versus straight couples, and marriage certainly is not the deciding factor.
SB1188's language ensures that all factors indicate placement with a married couple is in the child's best interests. False. Just because the bill says that doesn't mean it's true. If that's the case my husband and daughter are also 3/5's of a person.
Adoption is designed to come as close as possible to natural parenting. OK all adoptive parents...how true is that? Search almost any blog on my reading list and tell me how close you come to that.

Don't get me wrong, if you're straight and single I'm sure there's something wrong with you too. After all, this state is crawling with redneck trailer owners (some without meth labs) willing to make an honest woman out of you. All you need to do is get hitched.

Senator Grey states on her website,

I BELIEVE in equal rights, equal justice and equal opportunity for all, regardless of race, creed, sex, age or disability.

Maybe. For now, I'm going to sabotage my neighbor's marriages by tucking in my daughter and kissing my husband good night.

*For the record, I support the rights of qualified Americans to own guns, and am a responsible gun owner myself.

Guitar Hero

2011-03-08T11:01:00.001-07:00

This weekend seems to have been guitar weekend for us in the sense that we encountered them wherever we went. That's fine for Sabrina as the guitar seems like it's becoming one of her favorite instruments. Well besides slamming plastic bowls on the floor to make the loudest noises possible. I like to tell myself that toddlers are attracted to music naturally, although it could just be that since they don't sit still and are basically 30" tall over caffeinated jumping beans we add background music and call it dancing. Let's face it, if you're constantly babbling, jumping all over the place, laughing uncontrollably, and making a gigantic mess while demanding to be the center of attention, you're either a toddler or Charlie Sheen. Music just pulls it all together. And the strumming of an acoustic guitar seems to be her favorite. Probably because she's a big Laurie Berkner Band fan, and loves those videos.

I didn't even know she could say "guitar" but it came out when we were at her cousin's first birthday party and there was a boy there that was playing one. Seven years old and working on "Stairway to Heaven". Not bad. I know there are two camps on this, one who thinks that song is the ultimate ever written, and the other one (that I fall into) that feels it's played as a cruel irony in the elevator as you're descending into Hell. Regardless, this kid was trying his best on it, and Sabrina kept pointing and saying "Guitar". Well in between intermittently joining the herd of kids and running around like a pack of wild emus.

Out to dinner on Sunday at "our place", a cozy wine bistro near our home, the entertainment was again a woman who could play literally anything on acoustic guitar and make it sound like that's exactly what it was written for. I was tempted to request some Lady Gaga, and something told me she could pull it off. After dinner we sat and watched her for a bit. Sabrina, not to be outdone by a professional musician, started doing a toddler version of "air guitar" by strumming her tummy along with the music. The other diners loved that they now had a music and comedy act going at the same time. The real chuckle came when she started pumping her hands in the air and "whoo whoo-ing" as she raised the roof.

Yep, I thought, I taught her that. Smile.

Happy Birthday Papa!

2011-02-28T22:41:00.000-07:00

"Happy..."

Today was Papa's birthday. I think he had fun, even if we're all getting over colds. That's why I have not been on here in the last week or so. I'm not sure what I had (have?) but it kicked my butt. Another gift from daycare, the germ festival of the century.

Even though I've been under the weather I've been working on a little project I think you may enjoy. Fans of Laurie Berkner, stay tuned, I'll have something special for you in the next post or two. For now, Happy Birthday Papa!

For Watching Masterpiece Theatre...

2011-02-19T17:56:00.002-07:00

Geez Meathead get outta my chair huh?

Look at what we found in Target's gay parents section. It's empty right now because Sabrina has a pretty bad cold so she's not in picture taking mode. Maybe tomorrow.

But really, how gay is that? Love it!

A Belated Valentine

2011-02-17T19:48:00.000-07:00

Love you!

I know, I know--Valentine's Day was three days ago. So the roses are a little wilted and the candy is--well the candy is gone. We don't usually make a production out of Valentine's, but I did get an email informing me there was a package in shipping waiting for me. When I got down there I saw a pile of boxes from ProFlowers. Looking at the labels, there were a bunch for the girls in the office and the rest were for the gay guys. What's the matter straight men, don't you rate roses? Well maybe they got NASCAR tickets or a pass from their wives to not have to watch Glee this week, or whatever it is straight guys like. I have to admit struggling to keep the smugness hidden when I was filling the flower vase with water in the galley area and one of the women (who didn't get an email telling her she had a package in shipping) remarked "I guess this means you got flowers?" That's right lady. Bitter, party of one, your table is ready...

This year we sent Valentines to Sabrina's birth sisters in California. My sister made some very cute heart hair bows for Sabrina, so I asked for a set for each of the sisters. The girls each wore their bows on Valentine's Day so they shared a little connection. Sabrina got a very nice card in the mail thanking her for the bows.

While we don't see each other a whole lot, we email pictures every few months or so. Gregg and I feel it's important to foster that relationship with the birth family. Keeping that connection is what open adoption is all about. I know it makes her birth mother happy to see how Sabrina is growing and developing her personality. Some people think that it would be hard for a woman who placed her baby for adoption to be reminded of that with pictures and visits. On the contrary, that birth mother placed for a reason; most likely to help the child have a happy and successful life. Seeing that happiness shine through in pictures and in occasional visits validates that decision, and at least for Sabrina's birth mom, brings her some peace and makes her loss (as that is what placing a child is, a loss that brings a sense of grief) easier to bear.

We're ever grateful to her for growing our family. Valentine's Day can be full of saccharin sentiments, but this was a chance to give it some real meaning.

Oh and to answer your question, yes the flowers were from Gregg and Sabrina. Oh well, I guess the ones from Mario Lopez must have gotten delayed in the mail. I'm sure they'll be here soon...

Eat Your Heart Out Beyonce!

2011-02-02T11:54:00.000-07:00

Cher, you've been replaced. My iPod now sports songs by the Laurie Berkner Band.

We are big fans of Laurie Berkner. Her music is kind of acoustic/hippie/folksy, the kind of stuff I remember from growing up on Long Island in the 70's. It's very catchy, and Sabrina loves it too. You may have seen some of her videos on Nick Jr. I like that she showcases real families in her videos, and you can sometimes spot the occasional two mom or two dad parents.

More than anything else, Sabrina loves dancing to Laurie Berkner. She reminds me of my pre-parent self, except she's dancing in her pajamas in her bedroom, not with her shirt off at 2 AM on top of a speaker to acid house remixes. Maybe that was a little TMI...

Anyway, Sabrina's rockin' version of "Family". Enjoy!

Look! Up in the Sky!

2011-01-29T19:20:00.000-07:00

Another plank of the dreaded "homosexual agenda" has been leaked to the press. As you read this post evil but fashionably attired scientists are working to create a race of genetically manipulated gay super babies.

That's right. You see, gay parents have grown tired of anxiously waiting to find out if their kids are going to share their love of Joan Crawford film festivals and classic Prada slingbacks. They want to take the guess work out of discovering what team little Finster will play for. And despite our best efforts of using Madonna's Immaculate Collection album as lullabuy music and telling the kids Bert is Ernie's special friend, some of them still turn out (gasp) straight.

Now of course I'm being just a little sarcastic. This is all science fiction, and is posted on World ~~Nut~~ Net Daily, where good ideas go to die. But they are actually posing the possibility that in the future, gay couples will use genetic engineering to incorporate "gay genes" into embryos they create in the lab and dispose of the straight ones, creating children in their own gay images. The reason for this thought exercise is say that by the time this technology becomes available in the near future, the rights of "procreative freedom" as it relates to embryo selection may be protected by the Supreme Court. Of course we won't get rid of all the straight ones. Who's going to explain football? Oh right lesbians. Hmm.

In my humble and greatly biased opinion, this stuff gets posted on conservative sites like WND to rile up the base. This story has the double advantage of playing to the "Save the Embryos" crowd while also repeating the story that the gays are coming after the children. The net effect is one of mock horror and certainly isn't going to put the average user of such a website in a pro gay family state of mind.

We're parents. We want our kids to grow up healthy, well adjusted, and happy. What if they're gay? is last thing on most of our minds.

On the other hand, these are the same people who deny the existence of a "gay gene" and tell us it's a choice. Can't have it both ways now, can you? Besides, if the true "gay gene" is ever isolated, I wonder if they would suddenly be in favor of "deleting" it?

Cleaned Up in Aisle 6

2011-01-26T23:04:00.000-07:00

Cover your children's eyes. We're out of milk, and headed to the grocery store.

Harp's supermarket in Arkansas is fighting the good fight and protecting the children by placing a "family shield" over the latest US magazine cover at the check stands. These shields are normally used to cover up unsavory images like giant breasts or Joan Rivers' loose neck skin so little kids don't see them. After all, Arkansas narrowly escaped the Rapture last week as thousands of dead birds fell from the sky, so they're on high alert down there and not taking any chances. The children must be protected.

This particular picture is a family portrait of Elton John, his partner David Furnish, and their one month old son born on Christmas day via surrogacy. Arkansas is like America's electric typewriter...you can't bear to throw it away, but it's outdated technology that has ceased to be useful and doesn't fit modern life. I would go out on a judgemental limb and say most people there don't (think) they know any gay people let alone children with gay parents. And we must protect the children.

All children? Not really. I know the good people of Arkansas don't want to answer questions from their kids about how two men who aren't even cousins could have a baby. That would confuse them. But what about my kid? Or the kids of any same sex couple? How do they feel when they ask why the magazine is covered and they find out it's because it shows a reflection of their own families? And if the store has to cover up a magazine with a family picture on it, what happens when an actual gay parented family walks in? Here they are in the flesh. How do the normal customers explain that to the kids? I guess mom grits both of her teeth and shuffles the kids out of Harps and down to the Interstate where the meat is just as fresh but free for the taking. Without reality and modern life staring them in the face.

Blogger Crack

2011-01-23T19:21:00.002-07:00

One post so far in January is pretty pathetic. I keep telling myself to write more, but then I find I don't have a topic. I think I've realized why--Facebook. I jot down thoughts on Facebook which sap my will to write a blog post. Facebook is like a blogger's crack. Sure you feel good in short quick bursts but in the end you get nothing accomplished. Because I post one or two sentences on Facebook I miss out on posting here and keeping everyone up to date. I post two or three times on Facebook and neglect to tell you over here how last week Sabrina fell down a well, became a local hero, and was rescued by a group of Chilean miners. So it may be a little late, but here's a resolution to post at least twice a week. Now if only someone cared what I had to say! (Besides me.)

Winter Gala 2011

2011-01-13T19:35:00.000-07:00

Well I guess it is true--blogs don't write themselves...

Today was the much anticipated Winter Gala at daycare, with performances by the Ones, Twos, Threes, Fours, and Fives. Sabrina made her theatrical debut as a member of the Ones with a resounding rendition of "If You're Happy and You Know It". Now admittedly the production was less Andrew Lloyd Webber and more Toddlers on the Loose, but daycare's theatre budget is probably a little below Broadway standards. But those little kids put their hearts into it, when they were paying attention. They really made me believe they were happy, and they knew it. And since clapping hands is a skill Sabrina mastered over a year ago, it's a role she was born to play. I have to say, I was hoping for something a little more along the lines of the "When you're a Jet" dance scene from West Side Story or at least a snippet of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat, but maybe that was a little above the level of the other children. But hey, even Beyonce had to be a toddler once right?

Sabrina in full costume

Christmas Eve 2010

2010-12-24T22:02:00.000-07:00

Child Nestled, cue the Sugarplums...Check
Stockings hung, with care...Check
Husband upstairs, watching TV...Check
Dogs asleep in front of the fireplace...Check
Presents stuffed under tree...Checkbook
Large glass of wine, alone downstairs, relaxing...Ahhh.

Merry Christmas to all my readers and followers!

Who You Callin' Ho?

2010-12-17T15:23:00.001-07:00

Our daughter loves Santa Claus. No, she LOVES Santa Claus. At 20 months old, she can't have made the connection that Santa brings us toys and gifts. She just likes Santa. A LOT. "Anta", as she calls him, has his face plastered everywhere this time of year, and kids take notice. He's basically the toddler world's Oprah. He listens to your sob story, then rewards the crowd with shouts of "You get some Lego's! And you get some Lego's!" to the screaming adoration of his fans. Whenever we see him in one of his many ubiquitous forms, be it in person or on a dessert plate, Sabrina points him out and shouts "Ho Ho Ho!".

Arizona fills up with old people from the north this time of year, and I have to say, I've never seen his sleigh going 20 miles under the speed limit with the left blinker on for three exits causing me pain and anguish on my morning commute. He doesn't whip out the checkbook to pay for one gallon of milk in the express lane at Safeway. Heck he's so busy he never even has time to ramble on and on with no clear ending in sight about something he did in the '50's while he fumbles with his Miracle Ear. He's almost the anti-snowbird.

Two weeks ago when we went to visit him at his winter castle in Superstition Springs Mall we had to wait in line for 45 minutes to get an audience. Throngs of children played happily around the Styrofoam ice mountain while hidden cannons shot a fine spray of soapy foam "snow" high into the air. Like real snow in American cities, it burned their eyes if they got it in them. For many of these kids, the happy times stopped when they realized they were next to see the Fat Man. They stood frozen, like one of his reindeer in the headlights, when it was their turn. One by one, their parents created meal tickets for some future therapist as they wrestled them down onto Santa's lap, literally screaming with holiday cheer. I silently dreaded that while Sabrina was pointing at the train saying "Choo Choo" now, in a minute I'd be one of them. And I admitted to myself that after standing here for almost an hour listening to the genius 8 year old behind us ask his father over and over how it could possibly snow in Arizona (Really kid? Really?) that no matter what, we were gonna do this thing.

Turns out there was nothing to worry about. When I plopped her down on Santa's lap, she gave him a hearty "Ho ho!" followed by fist bumps. Yes, I have a one and a half year old that fist bumps Santa. She gave him a hug and a kiss, we took an incredibly overpriced picture, and off we went. While she had a good time, little did I know this was the creation of one of Santa's super fans.

This morning as we arrived at day care I had forgotten that Santa was going to be there too. For someone who's gonna have the world's eyes on him in little more than a week, he sure does whatever he can to get out of work. No wonder he's so fat. Anyway, when we walked in and saw him, the uber fan was excited. There were two other parents and four kids in front of us, and they had no intention of sitting on his lap. They were in deep negotiations when from her perch in my arms Sabrina waves and yells out "Hiiiiiiii!" at the top of her lungs.
"It's not our turn yet Sweetie these kids are in front of us we have to wait."
"Hiiiiiiii" followed by dramatic (and loud) air kisses to Santa. I almost expected her to scream "Hey remember me I sat on your lap two weeks ago at the mall".
The daycare director came over and said "Well Sabrina what are you going to tell Santa?". This set off a loud chorus of "Ho ho ho!" which was repeated several times. At this point, all the adults in the room are laughing and the parents in front of me said "Um, why don't you go ahead of us...". Sabrina decided this was her cue and wriggled away from me and ran to Santa. They had a good bout of "Ho ho"s together while shaking jingle bells. We snapped a few free* pictures (*if you don't count the thousands of dollars a year it costs to go to daycare in the first place) and went off to class. There was of course a loud scream of "BYE!" as we exited. She babbled extensively until I left, no doubt about how she'd never wash this hand again or something along that line. Ah, youth...

Daycare Santa!

"Chase"-ing the Perfect Picture

2010-12-13T17:17:00.000-07:00

It's time to take a picture for our Christmas cards. How hard could that be? Round up the troops and snap away. Except next to Sabrina, the next biggest ham in our family is our Black Lab, Chase.

First, gather the gang...

Take One, all three of them have that "Do we really have to do this?" look. That won't work; they look like rejects from Christmas Vacation.

Chase, already bored, decides he's finished and gets up to leave. I don't think so. Sabrina meanwhile, has suddenly discovered she has feet.

Chase is corralled and brought back to the fireplace. As the camera snaps, he decides it's been 4 1/2 seconds since the last time he kissed Sabrina on the lips. Her lips apparently taste like beef liver, because licking them is one of his favorite pastimes. Sabrina, bonded to her loving doggie brother, will usually (Note: At this time, I dangle a shiny object off screen for those of you who are better parents than me to look at so you won't read the rest of this sentence which concludes...) open her mouth so he can clean it out like you lick frosting out of a bowl. Don't send me letters because I know all your kids are disgusting too. And yes, she thinks it's funny.

"OK enough shenanigans!", we shout. Let's do this thing. In response the next photo we get is what I'd call "Epic Holiday Photo Fail".

I'm not sure what's going on here; nearest I can tell Chase is giving Ripley the "Ha ha I got out of wearing my Santa hat by being impossible while you got stuck with the goofy collar" tongue tease. The feet Sabrina recently discovered a few photos back are being relieved of their shoes. Arrrrgh. Seriously?

Finally, we take what we can live with, although I am temped to send this one to the dog lovers in our family. Happy Holidays!

(In reading this post, I have to say Ripley's boredom with the whole thing really irritated me because while he stayed still during the entire process, he never quite lost the "I must find some way to stop Christmas from coming" look on his face.)

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like...Something

2010-12-01T21:41:00.000-07:00

Well Thanksgiving has come and gone, and now we're off and running in December. Gregg and I have, over the course of 11 childless Christmas seasons, developed our own little traditions. As Sabrina's second Christmas approaches, we're revamping to include her. Last year she was barely 8 months old and did what 8 month old's do at Christmas...not really much of anything.
"What's Santa bringing you?". Blank stare.
"Look at the stocking I made you!". Blank stare in a different direction.
"Mmm, delicious home made cookies. Not that you can have any of course." Burp, in a blank sort of way.
The most active participation involved gumming down some snowman print wrapping paper.

This year she already "Ho ho ho's" every time she sees a Santa, exclaims "Ooooh, liiiiiights" if even one bulb is lit somewhere, and I can tell she can't wait to have tree to climb in the living room. So this weekend, down come the decorations from the attic. We've sort of established, based on last year, that getting a tree is a Papa-daughter event. It works for everyone; they come back with a nice tree and I don't have to follow them around making subliminal suggestions that the one they are picking is too expensive. (Oh look at this one, it's beautiful and doesn't have the little bald area the more expensive one you're looking at does.) And besides, no one ever races me to the car to bring the dry craggy tree to the recycle center after New Year's. So let them deal with getting it.

*Note: My sister and I got a permit to go up north one year and cut one down. I agonized over whether birds lived in it and could barely bring myself to make the first cut. I don't think my sister would do that again. We looked at every tree in Prescott during a snow storm until I found one untouched by bird or beast. I think.

We're going to be watching The Grinch, Santa, and Rudolph again this year. Last year was a (you guessed it) blank stare down, but this year I think she'll get a kick out of it. We've been listening to Christmas music as well, and learning the old favs like Santa Claus is Coming to Town and my favorite, I Saw Daddy Kissing Santa Claus. Well, Mommy doesn't really work for us and I still think Santa's a muscle bear who just hides it all under that ermine outfit of his. And really, what straight guy wears ermine? Elves indeed...

Here are some pics of our Thanksgiving weekend when Grandmama came to visit from Texas. More about the holiday plans later!

With Grandpa and Grandmama at the Railroad Park

It's a pillow...it's a pet...it's a pillow pet!

The Girls

Thankful for cousins!

Ahh, downtime.

Some Exciting Evening

2010-11-23T20:38:00.000-07:00

It's 8 PM; Gregg is making a pumpkin cheesecake for Thanksgiving, I'm on the couch watching the Coyotes game, and Sabrina's on the floor coloring on her giant paper pad. The Boys are somewhere, sleeping. We're enjoying the quiet as we wait for the arrival of Grandma-ma from San Antonio Texas. Gregg's mother has not seen the baby since last November, so it will be exciting to have her and her husband here for a few days to visit and have Thanksgiving. Right now, I'm just enjoying the calm before the storm.

National Adoption Day 2010

2010-11-19T10:53:00.000-07:00

Today is National Adoption Day.

From Wikipedia:

National Adoption Day was started in 2000 by the Alliance for Children's Rights through the generous support of the Freddie Mac Foundation, the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption and others.

In November 2000, National Adoption Day sponsors worked with law firms, state foster care agencies, child advocates, and courts to complete hundreds of foster care adoptions in nine jurisdictions nationwide. In November 2001, 17 jurisdictions participated in National Adoption Day. In 2002, Casey Family Services, Children's Action Network, the Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute and Target became National Adoption Day partners, helping 34 cities across the country finalize 1,350 adoptions and celebrate adoption.

By 2003, courts and community organizations in more than 120 jurisdictions coast-to-coast finalized the adoptions of 3,100 children and celebrated adoption. In 2004, courts and community organizations finalized the adoptions of more than 3,400 children from foster care in 200 events in 37 states.

By the end of the 2000s, National Adoption Day is celebrated across the U.S., the District of Columbia and Puerto Rico as more than 300 events are held each throughout the country to finalize the adoptions of children in foster care, and to celebrate all families who adopt. In total, more than 25,000 children have been adopted from foster care on National Adoption Day. Traditionally, National Adoption Day is celebrated the Saturday before Thanksgiving.

While primarily focused on foster care adoptions, today is a good day to help dispel some of the myths people unfamiliar with adoption in general believe to be true.

Birth mothers regularly take children back months or years after the adoption is final.
Adopted children are "damaged" emotionally.
Adopted children are not the same or equal to biological children.
Adopted children should be grateful they've been "rescued" from a bad situation.
International is the most successful way to adopt a child.
Adopted children will want to go live with their biological parents and grow to resent you.
Adoption takes many many years to complete because all the good kids have already been snatched up by Angelina Jolie and Madonna.

So if you're in an adoption triad, (Child, Adoptive Parents, Birth Parents) today you are being celebrated. Use it to spread the word about healthy adoption choices, and most of all, love your family. Because adopted or not, well, you're pretty much stuck with them!

Adoption for Morons

2010-11-14T19:23:00.001-07:00

The following conversation took place between me and a complete stranger at an event we attended...

Scene: I'm coming back from the rest room with Sabrina in my arms as I had just changed her diaper. Enter an early 30's looking pretty blond white girl. She's wearing that dopey clueless look Sarah Palin gets when someone asks her a gotcha question like "How are you?".

Dopey Looking White Lady: Oh I just wanted to tell you I've been watching your daughter play and she's just adorable!

Fabulous Me: Oh, well thank you. She's having fun.

DLWL: So I wanted to ask, where did you get her?

Me: (Irritated with the personal and inappropriate question from a perfect stranger.) Well, she was born in Los Angeles, where we adopted her.

DLWL: Oh maybe I should check out California.

Me: I'm sorry?

DLWL: Well I've been trying to get myself a black baby for some time now.

Me: (Holding back from saying something guaranteed to make her cry.) Yeah um, well, good luck with that.

Seriously? Asshole.

Bewitched

2010-10-31T21:45:00.001-07:00

Happy Halloween!

We sat last year out. This year we went door to door with Ellie, the two year old next door, on our first Trick or Treat. Our neighbors came over and we sat in the front eating pizza, drinking beer (I mean milk), and handing out candy. A great time was had by all.

I'll get you my pretties...

We thought she was a witch but it turns out she was really a ham.

Papa's under her spell.

Home Again

2010-10-22T00:14:00.001-07:00

It's been a little time between entries I know, blame it on travel and jet lag. We went to Long Island, NY for a wedding and a baptism all in one weekend. I grew up there and have a large family there, so we had plenty to keep us busy. But our biggest fear, airplane shenanigans, never materialized. That and the fact that the baby had a blast from the time we left to go to the airport at 5 AM Thursday morning until we got back to Arizona late Monday night made it a great trip all around. I have a lot on my mind to blog about, some trip related and some not, but right now I'll leave you with a few random pictures and a recap of the plane ride.

I got lots of comments on my last entry about being nervous about flying with an 18 month old. It turns out with Sabrina, airplane travel equals sleep. Our trip was a four hour flight from Phoenix to Baltimore, then an hour from there to Long Island, and the same on the return. She was asleep before we took off and stayed there for the first three hours of the trip. An Elmo video and snacks took care of hour four. She got the crazies out in a quiet part of the Baltimore airport and was back to sleep as we taxied to the runway, not waking until we landed. She repeated this when we went back to Baltimore on Monday. For all our worry about popping ears during takeoff, she slept through the first three of them.

Flying from Baltimore to Phoenix, she was up for three hours. (Eh, you can't win 'em all!) She slept through the fourth hour, deplaning, baggage claim, the bus ride to the car, and didn't wake up until getting strapped in the car seat. It works out to sleeping for just over 60% of the time. Not too shabby!

Here are some pictures from the wedding and baptism we went to, as well as the big reveal of the top secret dress. Enjoy!

My new dress...

During the Kid's Balloon Dance

Smiling with Dada

Raise the Roof!

Partying in the Yard

Having fun with Papa

A Menace to Everything in the Air...Yes, Birds Too.

2010-10-12T20:34:00.000-07:00

Surely you're not taking a toddler on a plane?

Well the Free Range Chicken Experiment has limited success. Some nights it's bed and sleep, others it's don't you dare leave this room or I'll scream. We'll get there.

This week we're going to Long Island, NY for my cousin's wedding so we'll be taking the baby on her first airplane ride. It's four hours from Phoenix to Baltimore, and another hour from there to Long Island. We're planning on packing lots of snacks, books, toys, and little bottles of airplane alcohol (for us, in case this whole thing goes bad). We've been hearing the benedryl story from others who've done this with an 18 month old, so we tested it last weekend. It didn't seem to make her sleepy, just kind of out of it. So unless she's a real monster on the plane, I'm not sure we'll use it. It's against my better judgement anyway. Our flight leaves at 7 AM, so she'll be up very early. Hopefully she'll be tired by then. But I'm not counting on it!

She's going to have a blast. I'll post some pictures of her in the top secret dress over the weekend. For now, we're packing all the essentials...

I'm leaving, on a jet plane.

Free Range Chicken 4...Silence of the Lamb

2010-09-29T09:57:00.000-07:00

Bedtime stories over by 8:35...Cuddle time lasts for 10 minutes...Minimal protestation on getting in the toddler bed.

By 9:15, Gregg's already asleep and I'm downstairs alone in the darkened family room enjoying a glass of Malbec and hard Bavarian pretzels while watching the season premiere of Dexter (again) on DVR. Ah, pretzels, quiet, wine, and a serial killer. Who could ask for anything more?

**And she slept all night, but I did find her on the futon again this morning. Works for me.

Free Range Chicken 3...The Toddler Strikes Back

2010-09-28T10:43:00.000-07:00

OK so here's the thing. There's something about that toddler bed she doesn't like. I think it's the feeling of being more exposed. She's OK laying in there as long as we're near her but if we attempt to leave the room, she jumps off and runs over to us. Last night, after a story on my lap, we tried it again. She'd lay down and look like she was drifting off, but as soon as I got up to leave, bam, here she comes. At one point she got up and went to the futon on the other side of the room and I thought OK, I'll leave her there and see what happens. A minute after I left the room, she started crying. We went back and forth on this for about an hour and a half, after which Gregg took over. Eventually, he took her in bed with him trying to just get her to fall asleep. By 11 PM he came downstairs with her, saying "Not only is she not going to sleep but now she's bouncing off the walls. She needs some activity time to drain the battery". Was she ever. For an hour, she was buzzing around the living room, climbing, jumping, and chatting non stop. Does she have an espresso machine hidden up there someplace? Eventually we snuggled up on the couch and by midnight she fell asleep hard. I put her back in the toddler bed and there she stayed until 5:30 when Gregg checked on her before leaving for work. When I peeked in at about 6:30, she had moved to the futon and was sleeping there.

We'll try it again tonight. We talked about putting the crib back together, but it's just too dangerous having her climb out of it. We don't want to push her, but we think she's ready, and she'll get it soon enough. She'd better; I'm running out of pithy titles for these posts.

Free Range Chicken 2...Return of the Toddler

2010-09-27T13:59:00.000-07:00

Forget all the happy talk in last night's post about getting her to sleep at 10:30. At about 3 AM, Gregg woke because he heard a noise and looking at the video monitor, noticed she was not in the bed. Apparently, she was on the futon that is in her room "la-la-ing" into a toy microphone. Yes, not only does she wake up but announces it to the world.

She ended up back in bed with us, which means of course it's time for gymnastics class. Bed jumping, tumbling, kung fu grip neck hugs, all the best moves until sometime around 5. I'm not sure he even got back to sleep, because that's about when he gets up for work. I on the other hand happily hit snooze until I was late for work. Miss Thing? Woke up chipper and happy. I'll put a stop to that tonight.

Free Range Chicken...The Toddler Bed Experiment

2010-09-26T23:57:00.000-07:00

Ready for a close-up

Saturday was the big day. Down with the crib, up with the toddler bed. When Gregg finished putting it together, we presented it to Sabrina, who decided it was the best play toy she's had since, well since the last play toy about 20 minutes ago. A great place to jump, bounce, climb on to climb off, and all other manner of activities. But would she sleep in it?

Sabrina is a good sleeper, and very rarely doesn't sleep through the night. So if we could get her to sleep theoretically we should be golden. Keeping with routine, we read one bedtime book on my lap, and I thought the second one should be read from the bed. I sat on the floor and had her climb in. I tried to get her to lay down and suddenly, she becomes made of wood. Unlike earlier where this bed was Playtime Central, now she'll sit up in the bed but is adamantly not laying down. The first tinge of dread creeps up my spine. OK, we'll read sitting up. I had to concentrate because my lips are reciting Grumpy Cat but my brain is asking what I'm going to do once the book is over.

And Cat was never grumpy again. Well, almost never. Book's over, she's sitting, and we seem to be at a bit of an impase. She's not trying to jump up and run around the room; instead there's a look of uncertainty in her face which I didn't expect to see. She does so well with each new thing that sometimes I think it's a little too easy for us to push her a bit without realizing it if she's not ready for something. This was one of those times. I got her to lay down by sort of leaning in and laying my head down with her. But no matter how long I stayed that way, she'd be up and doing a little whimper as soon as I moved. We moved to various different positions, from her laying on my chest while I lay on the floor to eventually moving into the bed in the spare room. But she's keeping an eye open so we don't get back to her bed.

By 10:30, Gregg tried giving it a whack. He got her to lay in the bed and rubbed her back until about 11:30 when he was finally able to sneak out of the room. Of course, I took the credit for wearing her down in the first place, but she was asleep and stayed that way all night. In the morning, she got up around 8:15 for a few minutes but then went back to bed until about 9.

Tonight was about the same, but this time I got her to sleep by about 10:30. She just doesn't want to lay in there by herself. It's a lot more open and visual then being in the crib, as well as lower to the ground, and it can't feel as secure. I'm sure she'll adjust pretty quickly, but we were ready to fight the battle of getting up to play, not being clingy. I think with some love and patience, we'll be switching battles before we know it.

Not until I'm good and ready...

Florida: Slowly Becoming Livable

2010-09-22T23:54:00.001-07:00

Anita Bryant. Hanging Chads. That Koran burning guy. Pastel colored linen pants. These are all things that make Florida America's most visited cultural wasteland. Oh sure, that Mouse and his friends have set up shop in Orlando but let's face it, when you're surrounded by alligators, pigeon sized mosquitoes, and NASCAR, even that seems like paradise. But for families, Florida is known for one other thing--banning gay people from adopting children. There are other states that make adoption by gay people difficult but at least Florida is straight up about it. Mississippi bans "same gender couples" (but strangely, not singles) and Utah bans unmarried couples (when you first outlaw "gay" marriage, that equates to "no fags") but The Sunshine State specifically calls out homosexuals.

In a nutshell, the 33 year old ban was called unconstitutional by a state appeals court when a gay couple, which was legally fostering two boys, filed suit in order to adopt. I can't imagine being an approved foster family and knowing that at any time your kids could be taken away from you. How could it possibly be good for anyone to have kids growing up for years in a loving family and then being ripped away because their parents happen to be fans of Bette Midler and collect Wizard of Oz memorabilia?

All kidding aside, Florida has taken a step towards the 21st century with this ruling. There are many couples who live there that have wanted families but couldn't have them. I personally know a couple who moved from Florida, leaving family and friends, to go to California for the purpose of adopting. Leaving your extended family behind to have kids. Yup, that promotes family values.

On another note, the pastor of a mega church has been accused of going after 17 and 18 year old boys attempting to "seduce them with cars, money, clothes, jewelry, international trips and access to celebrities". Wow, he had me at cars and money. Proving once again that religion is more dangerous to our children than a loving same sex family.

Doing Just Fine With Those Two Loving Daddies

Toddla Please!

2010-09-21T22:41:00.001-07:00

Well after sleeping like an angel both through the night and when we first put her down, this last week or so has been murder. Sabrina has decided she doesn't want to go down easy, and we've been staying up later and later. Sometimes it's crankiness, sometimes it's screaming, and sometimes it's just wanting to play. Putting her in the crib and letting her cry it out doesn't work because she's out of there in an instant. Trapped like a dog and barking at the gate, she wants out of that room. Then there's the getting up in the middle of the night and eventually coming to bed with us. Acrobatic gymnastics for two hours, laughing, and babbling, then finally sleep. I blame it on the molars that are coming in on both sides of her mouth. We'll see what happens in a few days when her new toddler bed arrives. I just hope it lets us all get some more sleep!

Side note, we tried on her dress for the wedding we're going to in mid October, and it fits perfectly. I'm sworn to secrecy, so you'll have to wait until then for the big reveal.

I'll Tumble For Ya

2010-09-14T23:24:00.005-07:00

Toddlers. Growing so fast, hitting what seems like a new milestone every day. Running. Learning to use crayons (sometimes on paper). Beginning to talk. Understanding two step instructions. Climbing. Ah yes climbing. It started by climbing onto the couch. Followed by jumping on the couch. Then came climbing the stairs. Not particularly caring about carefully coming back down the stairs. Then she conqured pulling out a dining room chair and climbing up on that. But this week, at about 16 1/2 months, she completed her ultimate challenge.

No not that. Although we will be in New York next month so we better not leave her unattended. On Monday morning I woke up because I heard footsteps on the bedroom floor. I opened my eyes and saw Sabrina standing there holding her blanket looking at me. Funny, why is Gregg letting her run around at 6 o' clock in the morning when she should still be asleep. Wait, 6 o' clock? He leaves for work before 5:30. He wouldn't leave her out of the crib alone. He must have--Out of the crib? She climbed out of the crib by herself?!

She's been working on this little trick for a while now. We've already lowered the crib mattress but she's able to shimmy up the rails and then swing her legs over the top. How do we know this? Gregg caught her trying it about a week ago when she wouldn't go down for a nap. And of course, there's last night.

It was around 4 AM or so, and strange noises were coming from the video monitor in our bedroom. Gregg yelled out "She's starting her shenanigans!" and jumped out of bed. We had taken some precautions, like piling pillows on the floor next to her crib, and making sure we locked the safety gate on her door so she couldn't get out of her room. Gregg got her in mid climb while she was still straddling the crib wall and brought her back into bed with us. Based on the fact that she didn't fall asleep for another two hours and had a screaming fit, we think her new teeth are bothering her. She has two back teeth coming in on the bottom and we think some on the top. Once her screaming was over and the ibuprofen kicked in she fell back asleep. She never wakes up in the middle of the night; she sleeps right through. We think her teeth hurt and she wanted to come find us for comfort.

We didn't think we'd be dealing with this for a little while. But if she's going to be able to escape her crib, we'll have to make sure she can't get hurt. So today we ordered her a toddler bed. I didn't realize that they had such things. But it is low to the ground and has guardrails to keep her from getting hurt. She can't get out of the room because there is a pretty good gate on her door, and another one at the top of the stairs just in case. The bed won't be here for about a week, so we'll just have to keep on top of her until it arrives. There's always Plan B:

A Modern Family

2010-08-31T23:55:00.000-07:00

I'm not usually real big on awards shows, but I'm happy that one of my favorite shows, "Modern Family" won an Emmy for best comedy. Not bad for a show in its first season. It's well written, consistently funny, and best of all, features a gay couple with an adopted infant. Eric Stonestreet, who plays Cameron, won a best supporting actor award for his portrayal of one of the partners. The dynamic between him and Jesse Tyler Ferguson (who is gay in real life) is both hysterically funny and loving at the same time. The show doesn't make anything special or unusual about Those Two Daddies, and they are accepted by the extended family as just two more parents. It doesn't go out of it's way to say "Hey they're two men", but does add a gay spin to dealing with parenthood.

I think shows like this that present a normal day to day life of gay parents who you'd probably like to know do a great deal to help gain acceptance for same sex parents. When you can laugh along with them and see yourself in their shoes it makes it just a little easier to accept them living next door. Good job everyone involved in the show!

So, What Do You Tell The Kids?

2010-08-21T21:49:00.004-07:00

Lately I've had something nagging at the back of my brain. As far as our family and friends are concerned, the uniqueness of Those Two Daddies has pretty much worn off. Sabrina's 16 months old now and I think they've all adjusted to the "difference" of it. Not that anyone really had any issues to begin with, but we've kind of just melded in to the fabric of the family. Now, I'm sure you realize by this point that I'm not the type to keep my mouth shut when I have something to say. But a new wrinkle has been added; that is, what do you tell your kids when they're old enough to understand and they hear the anti-gay rhetoric that's always out there?

For example. In Iowa, there is a local ~~douche bag~~ politician named Jeremy Walters running for state office. Because he's a ~~douche bag~~ politician of the Christian variety and has learned to use The Facebook, he posted the following message:

“The Holy Bible says if your ‘GAY’ homosexual they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them. This tells me a lot so should we kill them NO. They Need to ask God to forgive them of their sins and mean it turn away from it. They also need to know that when it says that their blood shall be upon them that tells me it is AIDS. That how I feel.”

“homosexual “GAY” is not of God!!!!!!”

Now remember, the guy is running for office. He's trying to get people to vote for him. Could you vote for him after reading that? Of course not, his spelling and grammar are atrocious. Well that and he's announced that AIDS is God's punishment for being a Gay Homosexual. I'm not sure what a Gay Homosexual is, but I think it's a gay guy that sleeps with women. Anyway, being a Christian, he probably thought this over and decided, all on his own with no input from anyone sane, to apologize the next day. To wit;

I am not against people having a gay lifestyle, and the statements made on Facebook have been taken the wrong way. The statement regarding gay homosexuality was not meant to be offensive and I deeply appologize.

As far as the quote from Bible; I was replying to someone elses post. It should have been posted as a comment on their page, not my Facebook wall. I appologize for the mistake and if this statement offened anyone. Both postings have been removed and these comments do not pertain to my campaign or the Republican Party of Iowa. My passion is to listen and learn from the people so I can represent them at the statehouse. Everyone makes mistakes, please forgive me.

See? When you read it the first time, you obviously took it the wrong way. When he said AIDS is God's punishment and gays need to turn into normal people he meant it in the kindest way possible, not in the "Die Fag Die" way some of you took it. He didn't say the statement was, I don't know, bigoted, idiotic, and ignorant, just that it could be construed to be slightly unsettling. But at least the voters know that Jeremy Walters (R-Des Moines) is on good speaking terms with God (R-Heaven).

This is just one of the more recent examples of the crap we have to listen to day in and day out. Personally, it doesn't bother me as much as it used to. But in a few years I'm going to have to explain imbeciles like this to my daughter. Eventually she'll be old enough to see it for what it is, but I'm wondering, gay parents, how have you addressed this subject with your little darlings? I'd like to hear what you have to say on the subject, or what you would say. And straight people, please chime in as well. Your kids may not be as inclined to notice this trash as those raised by a same sex couple may be, but they will hear it. What are your thoughts on it as well?

In other news, Marcia Brady called, and she wants her pajamas back...

Splashing Around

2010-08-16T21:48:00.000-07:00

In a friend's pool over the weekend...

Suck It Up

2010-08-08T16:13:00.002-07:00

The weekend is here, and that of course means housework. Yuck. I guess it wouldn't be so bad without two Labs that shed like hair geysers. I think they go next door and collect our neighbor's Lab Bronco's hair and bring that over too. It's not as bad if I Furminate them but I've been lazy and it hasn't been done in a while. So before any indoor cleaning, I did that first. Now on to the inside hair. It gets everywhere. Floor, stairs, sofa, and especially, the dog beds. Normally I split the downstairs in two and lock the Three Amigos (Ripley, Chase, and Sabrina) on one side while I sweep and steam mop the other. Then switch. As I was cleaning the back part of the room, there was a lot of laughing coming from the front half. A quick inspection finds it's party time in Chase's bed.

Well she can't get hurt, but it's time for a snack so...oh great...she's covered in dog hair. From her hair to her clothes to the Velcro pads of her sneakers. Sigh. First there's a battle (although a laughing one for a change) to get her off the bed, followed by the cleanup. Her hair is easy enough to brush out, but her clothes are covered. Now is when I'm faced with some parental choices:

Take her upstairs and completely change her outfit, or
Use the lint roller to clean her off.

Realizing Option 2 gets me back in front of my laptop faster I look for the lint roller. Of course, I can't find it. In the meantime, I have to keep stopping to pull her off the bed. Now I don't want to clean her off to have her just jump back on again, so I decided I should clean the bed first, then the baby. The hair vacuums off the bed easy enough, so now it's time to go back to searching for the...wait a minute.

Could I? Gregg's not home he's still at the gym. It will be years before she can speak enough English to rat me out. No, who does that? It wouldn't be right. Still...

When vacuuming toddlers, the upholstery attachment is the way to go. It makes them laugh when you slide it across their shirts. Trying to roll the machine over their stomachs is not recommended and may lead to clogging the machine. That hair zipped right off, or most of it anyway. I can't figure out how to get it out of the Velcro on her sneakers, but that's good enough for now. And for anything left on her, well tonight's bath night anyway. Or is it...?

An Open Letter to Beth MacDonald of KEZ Radio

2010-08-05T22:27:00.009-07:00

I sent this email to Beth MacDonald, morning radio personality at KEZ 99.9 radio here in Phoenix. Oh yeah also today's my birthday. Not that it has anything to do with anything, but just in case you want to send me gifts. Or cake. Or a martini. Or a cake with a martini in it. Mmm, martini...

Beth

As someone who has listened to your show for a long time, I wanted to thank you for the support you showed this morning when speaking about the repeal of Prop. 8 in California. Almost every other voice I heard on the radio over the past couple of days was decrying the decision and the people who fought for it with every nerve they could muster. As a personality on a morning drive show, you don’t have to wade into the political arena but I’m happy to see you are someone that has both the courage and the class to do so when it’s for the right reasons. It doesn’t matter if it’s this, Sheriff Joe’s latest antics, or anything else, sometimes people need to turn on the radio and hear someone speak from the heart once in a while instead of yelling, ranting, and raving.

I am a gay man who has been in a relationship with my partner for over 13 years. Together we have a beautiful 15 month old daughter who is the light of our lives. We pay taxes (more than our fair share because of the extra taxes on domestic partner health insurance), vote, and hang our American flag on the house on patriotic days. We are devoted to our siblings, nieces, nephews, parents, neighbors, and friends. We pay higher car insurance because we’re not married, pay higher interest on our car loans because we’re not married, and can you imagine the nightmare of filing separate tax returns when we have a child and a house to claim? We adopted our daughter from California, a state that (unlike Arizona) allows both of us to be legal parents. Try figuring that out on your taxes!

This isn’t about religion, and it isn’t about special treatment. It’s about our fair share of the American dream. I’d like to know how I’m supposed to explain to my little girl when she’s older why her parents aren’t married. Do I tell her that her family isn’t good enough? That we’re less than a family? That we’re not supposed to even be together? How will that make her feel? Civil unions don’t cut it because even with the rights that come with them just the fact that they’re not called marriage implies that our relationship isn’t good enough and less then equal to straight marriage. Hell, it’s a good thing we don’t have a boy because apparently we’re not even qualified to be Cub Scout Leaders.

I just want people to know that we’re not a faceless group of “others” trying to stir up trouble. We’re your families, your neighbors, co-workers, and classmates. We’re real people with real feelings. We struggle with bills, our busy schedules, our kids, and our jobs just like everyone else does. We’re also Americans. Thank you Beth, for reminding people of that.

I’m going to post this letter on my blog, Those Two Daddies, to let my followers know you stand with us and other Americans in the fight for equal rights and fairness for everyone.

Thank you.

Bobby

And Beth's almost immediate response...

Dear Bobby,

Just received your email as I'm heading off to bed. I will always be on your side on this issue and will continue to speak out about it. Fortunately, the vast majority of the emails I received today were in support. We'll get there!

I applaud you for the tremendous effort you have put into having a happy family. You deserve the rights afforded to all other Americans...

This country must learn from its past mistakes. We cannot let the tyranny of the majority trample on the rights of the minority.

Love,

Beth

Thanks Beth! You rock. Or, soft rock, as your station doesn't play much actual rock. But well, you get the general idea.

A Good Day in America

2010-08-04T23:40:00.000-07:00

Quotes from today's court decision overturning California's Prop. 8:

"Proposition 8 fails to advance any rational basis in singling out gay men and lesbians for denial of a marriage license. Indeed, the evidence shows Proposition 8 does nothing more than enshrine in the California Constitution the notion that opposite- sex couples are superior to same-sex couples..."

"Moral disapproval alone is an improper basis on which to deny rights to gay men and lesbians. The evidence shows conclusively that Proposition 8 enacts, without reason, a private moral view that same-sex couples are inferior to opposite-sex couples..."

"Proposition 8 is unconstitutional under both the Due Process and Equal Protection Clauses..."

"That the majority of California voters supported Proposition 8 is irrelevant, as "fundemental rights may not be submitted to a vote; they depend on the outcome of no elections..."

A Walk in the Park

2010-07-31T21:54:00.001-07:00

It's the end of July, and since the monsoon season is in full swing, the temperature over the last few days has been hovering right around 100 degrees. A welcome relief, since that's about 15 degrees cooler then normal. With monsoon rain for the last few days and total cloud cover it only hit 96 here today. A perfect day for going to the park. We haven't been to the park in a few months because of the heat. I don't really feel like melting the baby. Here are some pics...

Keep on Swingin'

Slide, Slide, Slippity Slide...

Yeah so what?

Keep on Truckin'

Ugh. I can't hardly look at these. She's getting so big.

I Gave at the Office

2010-07-29T13:11:00.001-07:00

I finally did something I've been saying I was going to do for years now. No, I didn't start my own 70's style variety show, but don't worry that's still on the back burner. I officially became an organ donor. I think it's something that you need to resolve with yourself internally before you can actually do it. I think for a lot of people there is an initial gut reaction to not do it. Thinking about your own mortality is hard enough, but then thinking about body parts being removed and scattered around is well, unsettling. Once you get past the fact that that's OK (because you're, you know, dead and all) you can think about it more rationally. So as I was renewing my truck registration online, I clicked the link to organ donation and signed up. I'm pretty sure most states offer this via their Motor Vehicle Departments. And really, what better place to troll around for body parts than MVD? If they're not picking up organs off the freeway they're at least sucking out your will to live while you wait in those damn lines. "Now calling A-34". Crap I'm J-51. Just pluck out my spleen and we'll call it even.

I don't have any religious convictions that would stop me from doing it (mostly because I don't have any religious convictions to begin with) so I didn't need to wrestle with that. I know for some people that's a consideration but after my 20's (OK and 30's) I'm sure my liver isn't going to be allowed into heaven anyway. I just keep thinking about the people I could potentially help. Corneal transplants can actually restore sight to blind people. That to me is amazing. Could you imagine living your whole life without sight, and then waking up after what I found out is outpatient surgery and suddenly being able to see? It must be what Lindsey Lohan feels like when she gets out of rehab. The idea that your heart can keep beating or your lungs can still take breath and keep someone else alive once you're gone is incredible.

Now that I'm a parent, I worry about not being around for my child. If I had a chance to receive a gift like this from someone which allowed me to live and watch my baby grow, to just be there for her, I'd be eternally grateful. I can't think of anything greater you could give another person. Backstage passes to Cher come close...

Oh the best part--after they remove whatever they're taking, they do reconstructive work so you look fabulous in the coffin. I've specified they can have my organs in exchange for killer cheekbones. Imma look fierce in that casket!

To learn more about organ donation, check it out at Donate Life.

Be A Sport

2010-07-20T11:23:00.001-07:00

Going to Water Day at Day Care

This kid loves the water. Bath time is a whirlwind of excitement. It starts by Sabrina pulling the shower curtain over so she can start throwing toys into the dry tub. I'll turn on the water and undress her down to her diaper while it fills. When I say "OK let's take off your diaper so we can get in the bath" she takes off to her bedroom for the one time of day when it's not a fight to keep her from jumping off the changing table. As soon as the diaper's off I put her down, hand her a clean wash cloth, and off she runs naked and screaming that high pitched little girl excitement shriek that puts a smile on your face while it decimates your eardrums. Move too slow on the wash cloth and she'll grab whatever garment happens to be in reach and takes that with her. You better catch her though, because whatever it is will be tossed into the tub as soon as she's within range. A one, two, three, and she's baby lifted into the still filling tub, where she claps her hands and puts her head under the running water.

So, I'm thinking swimming. We signed up for classes right before her birthday, but then she got sick so we had to cancel. I think we'll sign up again to begin in August.

This got me to thinking. Lots of times I see kids enrolled in sports that don't really seem to be enjoying themselves. We want her to be active and athletic, and she's got more energy then...well then I have. She likes playing with her ball, so soccer may eventually be a good fit. Gregg and I are more sports watchers then players. I'm hoping by exposing her to sporting events from an early age will help her develop an interest. Some of the sports we like to watch are:

Basketball

Hockey

Football

We did watch some World Cup Soccer while America was pretending to care about it...

And an occasional Drag Race...

So tell me...how did you decide what sports to channel your child's energy into? At what age did you actually enroll in one?

Jump in the Pool

2010-07-09T20:50:00.000-07:00

Well we always said we'd have a house with a pool. Somehow that didn't work out as planned, so the $12.99 Target special will have to do for now. Gregg got her one that's a little nicer, but since the heat has put my backyard landscaping on hold there's not really a good place to put it. So we're on the patio making due for now. For some reason the hottest state in the union develops houses with backyards that are not big enough to put in a real pool. Our crack (emphasis on crack) legislature allows the builders to make the lots and the streets smaller and smaller to cram more houses in each development increasing profit margins. Not that I'm against profits, but geez come on give us some breathing room. Once our standout immigration law goes into effect there won't be anyone to build them anyway. If you don't live here, you've heard all about our attempt to de-Mexican the place, but the secret is when economic times were better everyone looked the other way while they built our houses, pools, resorts, and anything else we needed. Not sure how I got here when I just wanted to show off a cute girl in a pool, but I digress...

In other news, we received Sabrina's birth certificate in the mail today. The last piece of the adoption puzzle is put in place. They told us it would take ten months, but it only took four. So it's finally over. Not much room to breathe, because we decided we're going to start again after the holidays. The stress was so much fun the first time, without it I guess I'd feel like a fish out of water. Unlike the fish below...

Happy 4th From the Firecracker

2010-07-04T21:19:00.000-07:00

Firecracker dress for a Firecracker Girl!

Three cheers for America!

With Papa getting ready for Grandpa's pool.

Summertime Livin'

2010-06-26T21:57:00.000-07:00

Sabrina and Daddy go for a swim

Well summer is in full swing here in Arizona. It really hadn't been too bad until the last two weeks or so, when it's been in the 105-110 range. Still, that's not bad for the end of June. June and July can see temps around 115 or more. The problem is the air just heats up and hangs there and even though there's not much humidity it still feels thick with heat. It takes some getting used to. Except for going in the pool once in a while we pretty much stay inside. Which kind of sucks because things we like to do such as go to the zoo or the park are off limits for the next few months until it cools down a bit. We've been doing some walks after dinner as the sun is going down, and that's actually not bad. Still, summer just started and I can't wait for it to be over.

A sunny girl in a sunny land

In Which I Answer Your Questions

2010-06-17T22:44:00.000-07:00

Now we talk about my favorite subject...Me! Here are the answers to the questions you've asked me in a post last week...

Any tips for caring for African hair? We are in the process of adopting an African baby girl and feel helpless when it comes to the African hair! OK let me say this...this can be a difficult subject to deal with in an interracial family. Both mothers-in-law have added their two cents to the hair topic. The topic of hair has been one that has caused some tension in the family, and I'm not even comfortable going into that here. I'm by no means an expert on this subject and am still learning. Gregg obviously has experiance, but mostly with men's hair. Suffice it to say you need to do your research. A good ethnic salon, or even advice from African American friends will be helpful. We like to use products from Carol's Daughter as we've found they are very easy on her hair.

Do you ever make it down to the much cooler Tucson? Sometimes. We have friends down there. We often meet up with them and then head down to Tubac for some great shopping. I'll let you know next time we make a trip.

In view of the coming movie, Jacob or Edward? Neither. I'm a bit of a vampire nerd. As a kid I actually read Fangoria magazine. My parents wouldn't let me send them $12 for two actual vampire fangs. It's Fangoria if anyone has authentic vampire relics it's them! My tween neices love Twilight which is a red flag. Apparently it's about Mormon vegetarian vampires or something? We have the DVD, I haven't watched it. For me, Eric from True Blood and the vampire Lestat.

You're a gay male couple with a baby daughter. Do people ever ask things like "What are you going to do with a girl? Will she know any women? Are you worried about role models?" For some reason, men seem to worry about this more then women do. I'm working on a variant of my "I"m more man then you'll ever be and more woman then you'll ever have" response. But no, we're not worried. We're gay men but we don't live in a vaccuum. There are plenty of female role models among our friends and family. It's funny, no one ever asks this of a single mom with a young son do they? I haven't been approached by a stranger on this one yet, but I'd tell them it's none of their business. And I give them such a look.

Have you found it harder or easier than you thought to be two dads? Not as hard as I thought. And we're in very white, very Mormon, Mesa Arizona. We've gotten a few tisk tisk looks, but for the most part things have been great. In fact, sometimes I think our curiosity factor makes us more popular. And we have a great support group of other gay families we've met via blogging and the local gay dad's group.

Blue pill or red pill? I have no idea what this means. So my answer is if blue, Sapphire gin martini, up and dirty, and if red, a quality Malbec.

Do you, Gregg, and Sabrina ever plan to make a trip to Florida? Not right now. Florida is so anti gay I'm not sure I'd want to spend much money down there. But for the Belly girls I'd make an exception!

Why or what made you decide to start blogging? We were excited to start our journey to adoption and didn't know anyone who'd done it before. I also wanted to chronicle our experience for our families to follow. I'm so glad for all the new friends I made along the way.

When are you and Gregg going to get married? Ah the million dollar question! Right now the answer is, we don't. I remember back in 1997 while living in West Hollywood I came back to AZ for Thanksgiving while Gregg moved into my apartment. When I returned, he took me in his arms and asked me to marry him. Ah romance! We've since decided we won't do that until it's legal and recognized in all 50 something states. Since we don't live in a state that recognizes it, we just don't see the point. I think it would be more depressing than anything else.

How did you decide what your child would call you? Good question, we had to think about it a bit, but we came back to Daddy (me) and Papa (Gregg). Papa was kind of a nickname Gregg's friends called him back in the day, and well I just wanted Daddy. I've heard of some couples who used the traditional names from their ethinc backgrounds and that's sort of interesting too. There are lots of variations, but you just have to go with what works for you. The names don't matter as much as the love anyway, right?

If you could only watch one TV show for the rest of your life what would it be? Same question, but what book? And again, but what movie? Tough one. I'll say TV is Dexter, book is Dracula, and movie is a tie between Jaws, Sunset Blvd, Casablanca, and The Godfather.

Are you on Facebook? Yes. LOL does that answer it?

Will you adopt again? I was hoping no one would ask that! If you asked Gregg you'd get an emphatic yes, while I say probably. This wouldn't start until next year, finances willing.

Did you proceed open adoption or do you know the mother of your daughter? Yes, our adoption is completely open and we have a relationship with her birth mother. Lately I think she's backing off a little, but that's her choice. You can read about our reunion in March here.

Thanks for the questions, this was fun. Now I'm off to google up a back issue of Fangoria!

Go Away...

2010-06-12T09:45:00.000-07:00

...and visit Lucy's blog, where she's hosting a series on her blogging friends. I wrote a guest post over there to introduce myself to her followers. Go check it out!

Ask a Homo

2010-06-10T23:14:00.000-07:00

Summer has descended on Arizona. People are staying indoors unless it's dark out, quickly running from their homes to their cars, and wearing broad hats, dark sunglasses, and long sleeves to cover their skin. And that's just because of Arizona's new immigration law, never mind the effects of the heat.

I've been accused of lazy blogging, and rightfully so. I think it's a combination of settling into a family routine, summer heat, and just slowing down in summer time. Or possibly booze. Either way, I think the jolt I need to get going again may come from you guys. I'd like you to comment on this post by asking me any question you want answered. Anything, does not matter what the topic is. (Questions like "When are you going to pay me what you owe?" or "I'm a process server; don't you know you have to answer the door sometime?" might not make it.) Depending on the questions, I'll either answer them in one list or potentially make a whole post out of some.

So ask. Me. Anything.

(Side Note: I've been asked to be a special guest blogger on my friend Lucy's blog on this coming Saturday. Be sure to check it out!)

Cadmi-Mmmm

2010-06-04T13:04:00.001-07:00

You Deserve to be Broken Today

McDonald's is recalling it's Shrek glasses because the paint used in the designs contains cadmium, a cancer causing agent that also causes intestinal, liver, and kidney diseases. They are not recalling the McNuggets, which do the same thing.

We're very careful about what Sabrina eats, but now that she's getting older and becoming more independent, that is getting more difficult. The first four months or so were of course, formula. As she transitioned to purees and then solids, all her food was made at home by her Papa. Gregg loves to cook, and is very good at it. So I wasn't surprised when he started reading up on baby recipes and preparing her food. It's not the most convenient thing, as (especially in the beginning) everything needed to be pureed. Food processors are great for that, but now that she's older and things are chunkier there's a lot of hand chopping. No problem for Gregg as he can do that Food Network bionic chopping thing where the knife flies through the carrot at lightning speed. When I try it I end up looking like the vegetable. I keep a ziplock bag of ice handy in case I need to take a finger to the emergency room to be reattached.

Some of her recent meals were Baby California Roll (balls of rice with broccoli, carrot, and fish), Bowtie Pasta with Peas and Chopped Ham, Mini Spaghetti with Chopped Meat, and Balls of Chicken with veggies and breadcrumbs. We're also big on fresh fruit and vegetables, real cheeses, and yogurt.

Baby Cali Rolls and Chicken Balls

Like anyone, we do go out to eat from time to time. We let her sample what we're having if it's appropriate, so she's had the occasional French Fry or so. But we are not fast foodies, so we don't visit those "restaurants". Tasting a fry once in a while is OK, as long as it's balanced and not served with a side of corporate kiddie toys to make them want to come back for more. Since I'm on vacation from work this week, we took our first trip to Golden Spoon for a taste of yummy frozen yogurt. That was a hit, as Gregg makes great fruit sorbets and Sabrina loves that. I think the cold feels good on those teeth that keep popping in.

So leave the cadmium on the Hannah Montana jewelry, where it belongs, and try some great home made baby food instead. You can look on Amazon for some of Annabel Karmel's baby recipe books, or you can bug Papa on his blog to post some of his favorite Sabrina meals. (I've been after him to do that for a while!) And if worse comes to worst, those Mojo Munchies we made a while back are all natural too, and great for teething. Because you deserve a break today...from toxic food.

Boys Are Cheaper

2010-05-26T23:05:00.001-07:00

These are just the ones that currently fit. They don't include the ones she's already outgrown or larger sizes waiting in the wings.

Even a digital camera does not have enough space to photograph the clothes. Both closets full. Sigh.

She Bleeds Orange, Just Like Daddy...

2010-05-25T13:07:00.001-07:00

Phoenix Suns Biggest Little Fan.

Kobe Has No "D" Against Cuteness!

Steve Nash Won't Let Me Down!

Yeah I Gots Mad Skillz.

3 Points, No Problem!

Let's Go Suns...Beat L.A.!

Religion and Gay Families

2010-05-15T17:11:00.005-07:00

I'm going to do something I haven't done in a long time. No not that; one time after college was enough! I'm going to defend religion. Well kind of.

Today I got another urgent cry for help (and money) from the Human Rights Campaign. ( I've put down my feelings about HRC before and you can read that post here.) Apparently, religious based schools are not happy that there are kids out there with same sex parents. As HRC puts it in their email, right before the "Donate Money" button to help fight this injustice:

This one is beyond the pale...

Just days ago, a Boston third-grader's admission to a Catholic school was rescinded – solely because his parents are lesbians.
But here's the worst part – this is no isolated incident. Just a few months ago, a Catholic elementary school in Colorado expelled two preschoolers (that's right, preschoolers) for the same reason.

Oh the outrage! What?! Now children are being punished for having same sex parents? It's not their fault. They didn't have a choice in the matter, they were born in to a family with two daddies, just like Jesus.

Now, come on. HRC is one of the first groups that will jump up and down in fits screaming "separation of church and state" any other time. But in defense (gulp) of the Catholics, homosexuality is a mortal sin, one that will land you in Hell. Right up there with using condoms and reading this blog. I have to ask, why would gay parents enroll their kids in a school that is going to teach them that their families are wrong and shouldn't exist? I mean, we try so hard to deflect negative energy and comments from our children, and you're going to put them in a class where they will be told their parents are sinners, going to hell, and you should not be proud of who they are and what your family represents? Sorry, I don't get that. The Church did these kids a favor by expelling them. Now they can see religion for what it really is--a giant cult that aims to keep its members in line by threatening them with eternal punishment now and even after they die. I don't understand why a gay person would want to be a member of an organization that (yes I'll say it) hates them. It's like George Bush joining the Sierra Club or Sarah Palin running for president of Mensa. And HRC wants to force the Church to let these kids back in?

Ironically, on the same day I got this email, I saw a story in the Arizona Republic about a nun who has lost her post at St. Joseph's Hospital because she authorized an abortion in order to save the life of a critically ill patient. Not only was she disciplined, but the patient was immediately excommunicated from the Church. Because, you know, it's better for you and your unborn child to die instead of doing whatever you can to save your own life. In my opinion, this woman's as lucky as the preschoolers above because now maybe she can live a better life free from religion.

Now, as an unbeliever I'm admittidly biased, and many of you may take issue with this post. That's OK. As for Sabrina, she can learn about religion when she's ready. For me, that's after she's old enough to make rational decisions about morality, fantasy, and reality. If after that, as an adult, she wants to join a church, I'll support her. By locking her in the attic.

And now...your thoughts?

Here's Waldo

2010-05-05T15:15:00.001-07:00

Wow I've been gone for longer than I thought I would. Things have just been busy at home and at work. The baby's been healthy for a while now, so we're not dealing earaches any more. My job has been nuts, and so has Gregg's. Fun fun.

Right now I'm in the airport in San Jose CA waiting for a flight home. I've been up here in Silicon Valley since Monday at a Technology Services conference, and had my first short separation from Sabrina since she was born. I missed her, but it was not as bad as I thought it would be. Gregg said he thinks she starting to wonder where I am. I'm flattered and saddened at the same time. In a few hours we'll be back together and I can't wait to see her. The flight's about to board, so that's all for now. In the coming days I have some good topics to discuss, from our Arizona immigration fiasco to taking care of African American hair. So if you can stand it, I'll write it. Anyway, cleared for boarding...

We Now Return to the Regularly Scheduled Baby

2010-04-26T10:44:00.000-07:00

Well it's been a week and I think we're about 95% done with the ear infections. As of Sunday she's mostly acting her normal self again, although she's been more clingy then normal. That could be from being sick, from the anti-biotics, or maybe from a milk allergy (we just started weaning her to milk from formula a week or so ago). We think she'll be completely done in a day or two.

She finally got to have her birthday cake on Sunday. Mmmm, cake!

The Ears Have It

2010-04-21T10:50:00.000-07:00

The girl was up at 3 AM with 102 degree fever. Some water, Tylenol, and late night Barney got it down to 99 an hour later. She spent some time in bed with the Daddies after that until she could fall asleep. Gregg's staying home with her today, and when I left for work this morning it was almost 101 again.

Achy Breaky Ears

2010-04-20T15:02:00.000-07:00

Update...

Last night saw a playful nothing's wrong phase, followed by a screamfest right before bed, but no fever most of the day. A little cranky this morning, no fever, so off to day care. I called around 1 this afternoon and they said she wasn't eating her solids and was definately not the life of the party she usually is. They said she even had a small breakdown after I left this morning, which is not her style.

Just got word a few minutes ago they called Gregg, she has a fever. So he's off to pick her up. He usually gets her around 3:30 or so anyway, so she almost made it. Poor Chipmunk.

re: Happy Birthday

2010-04-19T18:04:00.000-07:00

It's ear infections. Both ears. No wonder she's cranky. I'd milk that for all it's worth. Antibiotics usually work quickly with her. She'll be fine, poor thing.

Happy (?) 1st Birthday Sabrina

2010-04-19T11:29:00.000-07:00

As a parent, you want to make your child's first birthday a memorable event. I've heard of some over the top Happy One Year Birthday Events, complete with circus animals, magicians, and the cast of American Idol on hand to entertain the guest of honor. This wasn't the party we planned.

We decided to spend Saturday, the day before her birthday, at the Phoenix Zoo. It was a little warm but still enjoyable, and she had a good time. She was a little quieter then normal, but had fun and was her normal playful self when we got home. We should have suspected something...

Calm before the storm

Birthday Sunday started off a little strange. She woke up around 8 AM. Strange, she never gets up until 9 on weekends... Well she must know today's the big day...turning one! Downstairs to open presents.

Hmm, she seemed more into opening gifts on Christmas... She had two big boxes to open, and with some help from the Daddies, got her gifts. We let her play with them for a bit while we set about the final preparations for the party. Since she got up early, we thought maybe an early nap was in order. Perfect, since the party starts at 2 PM. It took a little longer then normal to get her to go down but she finally drifted off to sleep. Is it hot in here, or does she seem a little warm? Well she's acting happy.

So here's the plan. We reserved a ramada at Red Moutain Park. I was going to go over around 1:15 and set up and decorate, Gregg would show up with Sabrina and most of the food at 2 when our guests started arriving. While setting up, my phone rang. It was Gregg. "She's screaming uncontrollably, and she's got a fever of 102.5. I don't think we're coming. You'll have to come get the food".

"Well it's nice and cool over here, we can put her in her play pen, I'm sure she'll be fine once her cousins and friends get here."

"No, I can't even dress her. She's crying so bad. Something's wrong."

I wasn't getting it. By this point the guests started arriving, some from the north valley, some from as far as Tucson. OK, deep breath. I told everyone I was leaving to go get the food and the guest of honor isn't coming. Now I know alot of you don't know each other. Mingle. Luckily, the park is just down the street from our house.

When I walked in, I got it. I have not heard her scream like that since she was a newborn. Usually picking her up will console her, but not today. Teeth or earache, or both, she wasn't going to the party. OK, we can make this work... Since Gregg's car was already loaded up, I took that one back to the park and unloaded the food. All the guests were very understanding, but I was completely stressed out. I knew I was when I squirted ketchup on my burger and missed, spraying it all over my white shorts instead. Great. Where are the napkins? Right in my truck...the one that's back home. Ugh. Enter my sister. "Bobby, we need some napkins for the kids. Where did you put them?". Uggnnhhh...

Somehow we got through it. Gregg and Sabrina did show up for the last 15 minutes. Sabrina wore a sad sack look, cried some, but her fever was gone at least. We took her home to open her gifts, which she half heartedly played with. She would laugh and play, then start a crying binge. Poor girl.

I kept her home this morning, and we're headed to the doctor later. I gave her a morning bath, and she played in the tub for a bit, but went right back to sleep after, and she never does that.

This was the first party I ever planned that did not include alcohol. I'll never do that again!

Getting Close to One

2010-04-12T16:35:00.001-07:00

Well the little stinker is closing in on one year old. Her birthday is on Sunday the 18th. She's toddling all over the place now. She's decided it's fun to feed puffs and goldfish to The Boys, who take them ever so slowly and gently from her outstretched arm. Sometimes they get one or two quick licks in before she gets tired of waiting and just eats it herself. Meh, dogs and baby have all had their shots. I could jump up off the couch and race over there to snatch it out of her hand before she pops it in her mouth. I could...

Anyway, I've forgotten what it's like to not have her around. So I jumped back in time to visit the blog in April of 2009 to see what I was feeling. Apparently I moped around whining about how long this is taking a lot. An incredible amount of time was wasted. I could have been at Happy Hours and fabulous nightclubs. Instead, I sat around waiting! Uh, past self I just want to slap you (me?)! Weekend trips to romantic places? None! I could have even taken Gregg with me. I could have had a party and danced around the living room without shoes on and not broken my foot by stepping on one of the Fisher Price Little People who I swear can appear around the house with Twilight Zone creepiness. I could have done wacky stuff like ate dinner before 9 PM or watched a newscast from start to finish without pausing the DVR.

The point is, your life changes incredibly when you become a parent. And the change is for the better. Sure there are lots of things we no longer do, and you could never have convinced me that reading Ten Friendly Fish four or five times in a row at one sitting or playing endless games of peek-a-boo were great ways to spend a Saturday night. But I'm fascinated with the way an almost one year old changes and learns day by day. And she does it all with her daddies wrapped around her finger laughing along with her. So if you're waiting for your baby via adoption, or any other way, my advice is to go live it up. It will help ease the wait and speed things along. It's not like you'll never do it again (I have a Happy Hour coming up on Friday--yippie!) but those days will be few and far between. You'll have a good time...but the best is yet to come!

Wordless Wednesday

2010-04-07T13:10:00.000-07:00

Because every once in while you just have to do it.
(Damn those are words!)
(Damn those are too!)
(Da--ah geez...just enjoy the pictures.)

Ball Popper...the current favorite toy.

Hunting for eggs with Papa.

My Easter sun dress.

Easter Family...can you tell whose back is out?

Upside Inside OUT

2010-04-01T12:44:00.000-07:00

I know it's old news at this point, but by now I'm sure you've all heard that singer, dancer, and super sexy Latin DILF Ricky Martin has come out of the closet as a gay man. I was actually going to let this one pass without commenting on it; for years I've just assumed Ricky was gay. I mean come on, what straight guy can dance like that? Well maybe Zac Effron. Oh wait...

Anyway, Ricky said his children, twin boys born via surrogacy, inspired him to go public with his sexuality and I say good for you amigo. There's nothing more important in your life than your kids, and there's no more important thing that you can give them than the truth (well maybe except for the Santa thing). Ricky Martin may be an international superstar, but when it comes to raising his children he's really no different then the rest of us. The minute you teach them that they can't talk about their family life or worse, have to lie to people about it, you've planted the seed that there is something wrong with it. And with themselves.

I think staying in the closet is a personal choice. (Except if you're a politician. I take issue with closeted politicians for a number of reasons, but that's another post.) Having said that, children change the game. I can't imagine what kind of supreme effort would have to go into keeping that secret while toteing around a toddler who's starting to learn how to talk. Kids will innocently say the most embarassing things at exactly the wrong times every day. There's nothing you can do about that. So, do you keep them isolated from the world until they are old enough to teach them to lie effectively? Do you instill the sense of shame at an early age? What effect does that have on their self esteem, mental developement, and social interactions with children their own ages? I can imagine Sabrina babbling endlessly "Daddy Papa Daddy Papa Daddy Papa" in line at the grocery store. I can't imagine trying to shut her up when she does it so people won't figure out she has two male parents. (If she starts telling them in a pinch we've been known to shop at Wal-mart, I'll lower the shame boom immediately. There is a line you know.) As gay parents, we do our part every day to help change society just by going about our lives. Going to restaurants and shops. Daycare enrollment. Heck walking through the zoo or the park. Now I'm not a celebrity worshipper, but I do give credit to people like Ricky Martin or Wanda Sykes who may have tried to stay under the gaydar but came out once they had children. They knew it was the right thing to do. The more visibility we have, the more accepted we'll be. And the happier and healthier our children will be too.

Now if only Tom Cruise would read this.

Restful Weekend

2010-03-29T21:58:00.000-07:00

We spent the weekend catching up on things around the house and errands we needed to do. The last few were spent "running"...running to people's houses, the zoo, Art Festivals, happy hours (oops wait no that was last year...sigh) so we needed a freebie staying home. Next weekend we'll be off and running again I'm sure, so right now I'm taking the lazy way out and just putting up pictures of some of our foolin's around.

Don't ask me...she's so not a morning person. Yeah!

Cold plastic things are tasty.

Practicing cuteness for next weekend

Nice try, but it would be more realistic if those teeth were on the top.

Lady Gaga eat your heart out!

Thank You Mr. President!

2010-03-23T14:37:00.000-07:00

I didn't know about this until today, but...

The Adoption Tax Credit has been increased and extended in the new Health Care Reform bill that President Obama has signed today. The Adoption Tax Credit will be increased by $1,000 retroactive to January 1, 2009 (from $12,150 to $13,150 in 2009 and from $12,170 to $13,170 in 2010) and it has been extended to December 31, 2011.

Think I'll use the extra dough to buy some tea bags...

This is great news for adoptive parents.

I've Lost That HRC Feeling (Again)

2010-03-20T23:59:00.002-07:00

Gilbert Baker, creater of the famous Rainbow Flag, shows his feelings for HRC efforts at a recent rally for the repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell in New York City.

Never a big fan of the HRC (Human Rights Campaign) here. They are the self proclaimed "Face of the Movement" for gay equality. Their whole message to main stream America is "Hey we're gay, but we're just like you, so accept us, be our friends, and if it's not too much trouble (and we're asking this very nicely so as not to offend) maybe you could, like, not vote us into obscurity in the next election by taking away all our rights? That would be so awesome since we want to be just like you and everything!". How about NO. For some time now I haven't been seeing much success. You've lost every ballot measure, including Prop 8 in California (how you managed that I have no idea, although I do remember reading a post on Andrew Sullivan's blog about how while protestors were jamming the streets HRC was hosting an expensive wine tasting to raise money. And no I'm not making that up for laughs.) and have tried to thwart every effort to push gay marriage to the Supreme Court, only now trying to push your way into the current case brought by Ted Olsen after initially trying to stop it. Anti gay legislators here in Arizona are pushing a bill through that is going to push single people to the end of the line in adopting from the state system. I think we all know "single" is code for "homo". What does HRC do? They send out a plea for money and action to protect the rights of "single people". The entire campaign (at least from the message I got and the stuff on your website) does not even mention gays! You're HRC for pete's sake! If you can't even say the word gay how the hell do you think you're going to advocate for us?

HRC has been lobbying Congress to help pass health care reform. It was announced that all the provisions of the bill that were there to help LGBT people have been dropped from the final version. The biggest one, impacting my family, is the unfair practice of taxing domestic partner health benefits. What this means is that the amount of money that is covered under our health care plan for a medical visit beyond the copay is taxed as income at the end of the year. Why are we paying taxes on that when married couples aren't? That's potentially a lot of money. Apparently outraged, HRC posted this on their website:

While we are saddened that the House has abandoned provisions that would make care more accessible and affordable to our community, we recognize that the health reform measure will still help all Americans, including LGBT people. Important reforms like eliminating pre-existing condition limitations and expanding Medicaid will significantly impact people living with HIV and AIDS. We urge Congress to pass this legislation, addressing the nation’s dire need for reform in our health care system and clearing the way for Congress to act on the many issues it needs to address, including ones of great importance to the LGBT community.

OK maybe not outraged, but at least saddened. I'm saddened too, since you spent a year on this and got, as usual, absolutely nothing.

You are good at hobnobbing with Congresspersons and holding expensive A-List Gay cocktail parties and exclusive NYC galas that most of us can't afford. You're also good at the constant pleas for money and membership that flood my inbox on a weekly basis, but at this point it seems like your reason to be has risen above your reason for being. A massive amount of money is raised and donated to politicians who quite honestly are not delivering on the change we're demanding, or that you are so politely asking for. Now that I'm a father, I'm tired of waiting. I'm tired of being told to be patient. Quite frankly, I'm angry at the amount of time that has been wasted. And I'm glad to see someone else gets it too.

GetEqual has recently launched and is also tired of waiting. I applaud them for getting back to basics. We need the lobbying, but we need some old fashioned ActUp strategies to go along with it. A personal hero of mine, Lt. Dan Choi, was arrested the other day for handcuffing himself to the gates of the White House to protest Don't Ask Don't Tell. He's made so much sacrifice already, and now this. I'm so glad we have people like Lt. Choi doing what needs to be done to make change. If GetEqual had half the funding HRC has what a wonderful world we'd see.

These Two Mommies

2010-03-20T21:20:00.000-07:00

Please welcome our dear friends Kim and Gerry to the blogworld as they begin their own journey to adoption. We met them via the internet, and they are such special people we know they will make wonderful parents someday. There is a soul out there right now waiting to become their child when the time is right. Please welcome them to our little family ring! (That's them in the post below at the Scottsdale Art Festival with us last weekend...)

Artsy Fartsy

2010-03-15T23:41:00.001-07:00

The last few posts were kinda heavy, so just for fun we spent Sunday at the Scottsdale Festival of the Arts. A great Arizona day in the mid 70's, some great company in Gerry and Kim, and beautiful art of every kind. Well except the $5 kind, which is what I was looking for...

I dare you to fill Grandpa's pool with plastic bags and claim it's art!

Relaxing after looking at art we can't afford

Resting in the grass

With our friends Kim and Gerry, who have just begun their own adoption journey with IAC

Everything Will Bring a Chain of Love..

2010-03-14T19:16:00.001-07:00

Apparently I'm a week behind in blogging. We've been back from California for a week now and I still have not unpacked my suitcase. I should write a post about my procrastination problem, but that can wait for another day...

Our reunion with Sabrina's birth family was incredible. There was a little trepidation on our part at first, because the original plan was to meet at a restaurant in Long Beach. About a week before we left, "Lucy" (*not her real name) emailed us and said her mother wanted to make lunch for us at her place. We were a little leary about this sudden change in plans, but we talked about it and decided that she had such trust in us, and made such a leap of faith by chosing us to parent her baby, that we needed to repay that trust back. So on Saturday, we left our hotel in Old Town Pasadena and headed down to her home about a half an hour away.

We did not know what to expect as we had only met Lucy at the hospital when Sabrina was born. I was not sure if there would be tears (I thought I would be emotional!), laughter, tension, or what, but I knew I was being silly. We have a great relationship with Lucy and I mentioned to Gregg that I thought she would be more nervous then we were. When we got there, she came out onto the front porch as we unloaded the car, and right away I knew this would be a good visit. I saw a woman with a big smile on her face, just looking so happy. When we got up to the door, she hugged us both but didn't take Sabrina from my arms. We walked in and her mom was in her room still getting ready. Lucy's two girls, 8 years old and 20 month old were sitting there waiting. The older girl had a big smile on her face; the younger one looked a little unsure of us. I could tell the older girl took good care of her sister. When I put Sabrina down, she crawled right over to the kids. The older girl gave her a big hug. She turned to her sister and said "It's OK you can play with her, she's our sister". I admit seeing the first meeting of the sisters made me a little misty. It took Lucy a bit to pick her up, but when she did my gosh what a smile came on to her face! Sabrina was in her happy mood (as usual!) and put everyone at ease. After about a minute, we were all laughing like a big family. I tried to get Sabrina to give out the gifts we brought for Lucy and the girls, but I guess we forgot to tell her that whole thing about being better to give then receive so I did it myself.

When we met Lucy's mother, we were at ease right away. She is the kind of person that lights up a room. We got big hugs, and she adored the baby. She was able to make us feel so welcome in her home immediately. And what a feast! She's a fantastic cook, making a huge lunch of seafood jumbalaya and all the trimmings. The best part of the entire day was at a point when the adults were sitting around the table talking, and the girls had moved into another room. We could hear squeals of laughter from the three of them and that just made my heart sing. We took tons of pictures. We ended up staying there for over four hours, just laughing and talking. We're so glad we ended up in her home, where we could all talk and the girls could get acquainted. Lucy's mother told me her heart was at rest after meeting us and seeing how we interacted with and loved her granddaughter. I told her our family had grown some more that day. We received a warm and wonderful email from her the next day. I think we are all looking forward to our next meeting. Open adoption is truly a wonderful thing.